Spoofer: "Dear Diary, My Teen Angst Bullshit Has A Bodycount"
BIRMINGHAM, ENG. - The Moral Guardians attacked films today after Inhopeless went on a killing spree. Many spoofers have had suspicions about this all along. "Hmm..." said Lady Godiva, a spoofer, "He did write a song about killing people and going on dates. Very dark stuff there. I thought it was nothing... but now..." Other spoofers are as shocked. "I was trawling through the forums,"...
Read full storyCherie Blair livid at Royal Wedding snub, Sarah Brown got better things to do
Startling news from Buckingham Palace tonight confirms that neither Tony Blair or Gordon Brown will be page boys at the big do in Westminster Abbey next Friday. Mr Blair has been practising by holding up a table cloth for hours, while Mr Brown is...
Read full storyDallas Cowboy Stadium is Ready for Lock Out
Dallas: With the NFL lock out looming in the near future, Jerry Jones is scrambling to book events to take place in Cowboy Stadium. In June, Cowboy Stadium will host the US Women's Open. This will be the first time they have had a bowling event...
Read full storyDavid Cameron And The Latest Shocking Act of Nepotism
David Cameron has failed to comment on, or apologise for, giving his nephew a job, which could be about to catapult him to the heights of great success. Ed Miliband is rumoured to be exceptionally angry about this appointment because he knows hund...
Read full storySong: "I'd Love to Go on A Date With You, But I Need to Go On a Killing Spree and Return DVDs (My Angst has a Bodycount)""
Yes! It's another song! Poem... whatever. Actually, it's techincally a poem, because there's no music. Well, it's an acappella song, really. Oh, yeah.... if you do work for a record label, I could be their songwriter. You know... Pull a few strings for your man Inhopeless, eh? "I'd Love to Go on A Date With You, But I Need to Go on a Killing Spree and Return Some DVDs (My Angst Has a Bodycount...
Read full storyNothing Happens At All In Britain Today
LONDON - Hundreds and thousands of people working in the UK media industry were pretty downtrodden as absolutely nothing happened today. Newspapers have simply stripped away the UK news sections of today's weekend editions, and the BBC News channe...
Read full storyManchester United Purchased In Hostile Takeover
Manchester United, an English soccer/football club that plays in the Premiere League, has been purchased in a hostile takeover. The club, which has played in Old Trafford, Greater Manchester for over 100 years, will be relocating to Mexico per the n...
Read full storyScientists make Malaria discovery
Scientists from Harvard and Boston have announced a potential breakthrough in the fight against malaria. This has resulted in yet another 'proof' of 'evolution' being consigned to a toilet which is by now needing a good rodding out. Scientists...
Read full storyRoyal Wedding reception - but only for Winos!
Beer will not be on the menu for guests at next Friday's royal wedding reception at Buckingham Palace. Officially the decision has been taken by William and Kate because they feel it would be too common to have it being served to guests at such a pr...
Read full storySupermarket in the Firing Line
After a minor scuffle at Fortnum and Mason's following the demonstrations against the Cuts attention has moved to the West country where local supermarket Tossco has been given a hefty kick in the Bristols. Powerful retailers are, it seems, the ta...
Read full storyMichael Middleton was my fag at Fettes admits Tony Blair
London - "Yeah, amazing coincidence, does Mike remember me, like, heheh?" Blair commented after seeing pics of the Peter Tobin lookalike on The Gog last week. Blair attended Fettes - pronounced Fetish in the original Gaelic - a Scottish public sch...
Read full storyThousands of farm animals facing fate worse than death
Fukushima - Thousands of farm animals, according to my source, Mr. Sukucowteata, a farmer here, are slowly dying in the "no go" zone 20 kilometers around the death-spewing Fukushima reactor. Pigs on automatic feeding machines are slowly dying and up...
Read full storyRevealed: Nostradamus Was A Drunk
Famed French seer, Nostradamus, has been exposed as a sot drunk by his great great great great great niece. The news has understandably upset doomsday buffs, professional paranoids and assorted religious zealots who have been looking forward with...
Read full storyProud parents Tony Blair, JK Rowling, Cherie and Bill Clinton all in the Abbey's three-and-sixpennies next Friday
London - Seating plans published today show the bride and groom's birth parents have been allocated top-notch pews in Westmonster Abbey's (K)Nave. The area is traditionally reserved for the foulest rascal supporters of the Puppet Monarchy, exchang...
Read full storyRoyal Wedding Photographers Prepare For Nip Slips, Wardrobe Malfunctions
Photographers at the Royal Wedding will be prepared for all things: bad weather, poor lighting, distance shots, etc. They are also, however, preparing for events not generally anticipated, like nip slips and wardrobe malfunctions. Coveted press pos...
Read full storyHamster Reagan
Reinegold Prius who replaced Remington Steele as Republican National Committee Chairman today announced his own candidate for the republican nominee for President of the United States - Hamster Reagan. Expressing bewilderment and some fear over th...
Read full storySpoof writer has become the 'butt' of schoolmates' jokes
A young Spoofwriter has recently become the 'butt' of his schoolmates' jokes and he is getting tired of it and has decided to do something to rectify the situation. The young man has consulted a plastic surgeon whose name he found online, and is t...
Read full storyChicharito Strikes Again
A pretty one-sided affair this afternoon at Old Trafford, as Manchester United pounded the Everton goal remorselessly, and pretty much without reward as the boys in blue dug in. The Merseysiders successfully resisted wave after red shirted wave, a...
Read full storyInternational Audience Comments On England's Royal Wedding
People all over the globe are aware of the Royal Wedding taking place this week in England. Whether they live in countries that were once part of the British Empire (the U.S.A. or India) or places that never were (Japan or Peru), everyone seems to b...
Read full storyObama Nominated For Best Actor Emmy For State of the Union Address
The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences has nominated United States President Barack Hussein Obama for a special Emmy for Outstanding Acting Performance for his 2011 State of the Union Address. The speech, filmed before a joint session of Congres...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth Has Asked Shakira and Her Boyfriend Chicharito To Spend The Weekend of The Royal Wedding In Buckingham Palace As Her Honored Guests
LONDON - Queen Elizabeth, the ever so gracious host that she is, has informed two of her favorite people, Manchester United's Chicharito and his erotically sexy girlfriend Shakira, the Colombian singer/belly dancer, to spend the weekend of the Royal...
Read full storyDoctor Who Latest Mystery: What Happened To Pond's Legs?
As excitement mounts in anticipation of the new series of Doctor Who this evening, fans fear the show will be missing a vital element. Sidekick Amy Pond's legs. The leggy redhead's pins have become a feature of the time-travelling adventures. B...
Read full storyIn Need Of A Lift In Sorrento
Peregrine Trip loves the Bay of Naples. He just has a problem with lifts. Well, one lift in particular… We stayed at Sant Agnello. The brochure said Sorrento and it was only when we arrived that we realised the heart of the more celebrated Neapolitan Riviera centre was a 20-minute walk away. Quite a dodgy walk at times, too - nasty bends with little or no pavement. But once you have made it...
Read full storyElizabeth II Confused By "Queen Victoria's Secret" Gift Cards For Royal Wedding
Queen Elizabeth II, the grandmother of Prince William, has announced that she is confused by the large number of "Queen Victoria's Secret" gift cards that have been flowing into Buckingham Palace. The cards are wedding presents for William and his b...
Read full storyDairy Announces "Milk Of Human Kindness" Will Come In Flavors
Borden's Dairy has announced that they will soon be distributing "The Milk of Human Kindness" in flavors such as chocolate and strawberry. They also said that the product will be available as whole, skim, 2 %, and fat free (just like all other milk...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan To Do Community Service at the L.A. Morgue
Los Angelos- A judge told Lindsay Lohan on Friday she was no longer going to get off easy, she was sentenced to 120 days community service with the L.A. County Morgue. Said Judge Saunter, who admitted not knowing who Lohan was before the case, "I...
Read full storyMcCain in Libya: "I am so happy to be here in your beautiful Labia!"
As Senator John McCain stepped to the lectern yesterday in his surprise visit to Libya, his aides were worried. Dressed in full battle gear, McCain had refused to wear his glasses to read his opening remarks. A stunned media and an angry crowd he...
Read full storyArsenal's Andrey Arseshavin goes for full-on Brazilian
Emirates Stadium - New non-chafe shorts will have to be worn for a while, the Gunners midfielder told worried team mates today. Russian-born Arse-shavin has struggled to hold down the North London club's official kit which may have 'rubbed him up...
Read full storyKieren Fallon slams 'ludicrous' AV changes to Derby placings
Epsom Salts - Nick Clegg's Alternative Voting system must be kept out of British thoroughbred racing the ex-top jockey said today. "First past the post's good enough for me," Fallon told reporters at Sandown racecourse this afternoon. "Besides,...
Read full storyDaffy Duck To Distribute "Rabbit Seasoning"
In order to get a leg (or is that "beak"?) up on rival Bugs Bunny, Warner Bros. actor Daffy Duck has released his very own spice. In the tradition of Paul Newman's salad dressings, Daffy will release a meat spice and marinade called "Daffy Duck's Rab...
Read full storyWheeling, West Virginia Woodchucks Answer Eternal Question
Walt and Whitney Wilson in Wheeling, West Virginia wanted to know "how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood." They were unsatisfied with the answer "as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Read full storyDepartment Of Homeland Security Revises Threat Warnings
The Department of Homeland Security is revising the color coded threat warnings that they have been using for a few years to monitor terrorist warning levels. People will no longer have to worry about whether green or orange is worse than blue or red...
Read full storyHelen Wood Tape: Super Injunction Identities Revealed?
In a brief but revealing meeting with call-girl Helen Wood, whose three-in-a-bed romps with Wayne Rooney hit the headlines two years ago and now finds herself in the middle of three high profile High Court gagging orders, has she perhaps let slip the identities of the two actors and a football legend? Kiss and Sell We meet outside in the sun-soaked backstreets of a sedate part of Manchester.
Read full storyPrince William To Finally Have A Last Name
Middle America, USA - A recent survey of Americans indicate that they do not know Prince William's last name or even if he has ever had one. Some Americans believe his last name might be "Buckingham" or the longer and more unwieldy version, "Pri...
Read full storyVaccine Industry's Propaganda Campaign Shoots Itself In The Foot
As the number of cases of autism, seizures, and even death as a direct or perceived result of vaccines has grown exponentially around the globe, battle lines are being drawn. On one side are the families that have suffered losses and injuries. On the other side are the drug companies (that manufacture the vaccines), the national medical associations (that prescribe and administer the vaccines),...
Read full storyRoyal Virginity Check Of Kate Middleton Fails, Cancelling Wedding
For hundreds of years, doctors assigned to the Royal Family have done their duty to see that all prospective brides of the Royals are pure and chaste. This procedure involves interviews, confessions, and a physical examination to verify that the hym...
Read full storyMexican President Calderon Gives William and Kate Trip To Mexico, Tickets To Donkey Show
President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that his country will give Prince William and his bride (Kate Middleton) the present of an all expense paid trip to visit and tour his country. Stops on the visit will include sightseeing at the Teot...
Read full storyPrince Charles Claims "Jus Primae Noctis" (Right of First Night) With Kate Middleton
Prince Charles, father of Prince William, has claimed the right of "Jus Primae Noctis" (right of first night) with Kate Middleton on his son's upcoming marriage to the English woman. The right, also called "droit du seigneur" (the lord's right) allo...
Read full storySong: "Snoooooozzzzze"
I like writing songs. So what? Sue me Universal Music. "Snooooozzzze" I wish you had a volume button, I'd like to turn you down, Before you turn me off, You snooze, you lose, You snore, I lose, Out On my sleeeeep Shut up! Shut up shut up! Your nose is a lawnmower's motor, Shut up! Shutupshutup! Please stop snoring, It's really annoying. What the hell is up with you? I'm fi...
Read full storySong: "The Teaching Song (About Teaching)"
Some people like stuff. Some people need to stop dancing. Others want a song about teaching. I'm writing this because I can. This goes out to all the depressed, sad, and overworked teachers out there. Educating the youth. Go teachers! "The Teaching Song (About Teaching)" I'm not in it for the money, Or the holidays, I still do it, but if only, The strikes would let up, And the guys...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth Confirms That Manchester United's Chicharito And His Girlfriend Shakira Will Be Attending The Royal Wedding
LONDON - As Queen Elizabeth continues to make the final preparations for the upcoming April 29 Royal Wedding she was asked by members of the press covering the highly prestigious event about some of the invited guests. The queen replied that out o...
Read full storyRicky Gervais Says That Britney Spears Better Lose About 40 Pounds Real Quick!
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Popular comedian Ricky Gervais was having lunch with fellow comedian Kathy Griffin at a Burgers-In-The-Round in West Hollywood when talk got around to Britney Spears, whom Griffin aka "The Red Cougar" cannot stand. Gervais asked Griffin why it was that she did not like Spears and she replied that some time ago after she had paid $256 for her and her date to see Spears perform a...
Read full storyPiers Morgan Denies Calling Madonna "Old," "Frumpy," and A "Has Been"
NEW YORK CITY - Piers Morgan has stated that he has to clear up a little matter that needs clearing up due to the fact that he does not want to get caught in the middle of 'The Lady Gaga - Madonna 'Sound-A-Like Song Feud.' Morgan allegedly told a...
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