Queen Elizabeth II, the grandmother of Prince William, has announced that she is confused by the large number of "Queen Victoria's Secret" gift cards that have been flowing into Buckingham Palace. The cards are wedding presents for William and his bride, Kate Middleton, who will be married April 29th.
"If my great grandmother had any secrets, I would be privy to these due to my office and station," said the Queen of England. "I have not been advised, so I wonder what secret I am not being told and why. I shall have to appoint investigators to get to the bottom of this. I hope that Scotland Yard can attach a detail to this soon. I also pray that this is not a matter of national security."
"If these are gift cards or certificates for a secret known to Queen Victoria, and it is worth some type of merchandise or money, should that also not be inherited by myself and other members of the Royal Family?"
"I also don't know why people would give this as gifts. The only thing my grandson and his fiance have said that they wanted for wedding presents were some naughty underthings and sex toys. With minds in the gutter like that, it makes me worry about the future of my kingdom."