Women Rule in 2012
Reporting for WWN today it is learned that the people of America will have no choice when voting in the upcoming Presidential election of 2012. It is an established rumor that it will be an election where the American people will be forced to elec...
Read full storyAmerican Idol - Victoria Beckham Clashes With Fellow Brit Simon Cowell
BOSTON - After sitting at the judges table and keeping a rather low-profile while judging the American Idol contestant wannabees Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice finally showed her claws. She jumped at Simon when she felt that he had been overly r...
Read full storyJay Reatard's death at 29 finally knocks Tila Tequila off her twittering perch
Memphis - (OMG!) The sudden, unexpected death in his sleeep of garage rock nihilist Jimmy Lee Lindsay - aka Jay Reatard - has finally upstaged Tila Tequila's manic twitterings. The musician died mysteriously at home in Memphis on Wednesday - with...
Read full storyModels Make Way for Cameron
In a bold and unexpected move, cosmetics company Maybebornwithit have appointed Tory leader David Cameron as their new poster boy. The appearance of 759 billboards across the country- depicting little more than Cameron's flawless skin - is said t...
Read full storyQueen tickled by Illuminati prediction that Friday's eclipse 'is terminal'
Sandringham House - (Rioters): "Hahaha, bet you fifty squid I'll live to 100!" But Old Fatty Mountbatten's confident riposte today has seen Hellfire Club astrologers rush to their online Ephemeris tables to check for the Doomsday Alignment in HM'...
Read full storyTonton Macoute-sunken Soviet nuke sub behind Haiti tremor?
Port-Au-Prince - (Seismic Mess): Did a fully armed sunken Soviet nuclear submarine - the K-19 Chupacabra - cause the 7.9 earthquake that razed much of Port-Au-Prince yesterday? The Soviet craft was on patrol near Port-Au-Prince during the Vatican-...
Read full storyThe Woman Who Thrashed A Kansas City Mickey D's Has Been Captured
KANSAS CITY - The video of the woman caught thrashing the McDonald's Restaurant food counter in Kansas City because her cheeseburger was missing the cheese has resulted in an arrest being made. Alfalfa Trotterfunk manager of the restaurant stated...
Read full storyYogi Berra 'Cheated' Too, To Get Into Baseball Hall Of Fame
It came as a great shock to many, but Yankee great, Yogi Berra, stated that he too used something probably illegal to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame. "Back then, we didn't have no steroids because nobody had found any, even though I guess they...
Read full storyResearch shows men are superior to women
Recent research shows that the Y chromosome, which is what creates the male gender, evolves faster than the female genetic code. In a chimpanzee study comparing humans and chimps it was demonstrated that the male Y chromosome was thirty percent d...
Read full storyWomen detest other women
It is predicted that Chinese men will outnumber Chinese women in less than a few more years and this could create a gender imbalance that will leave millions of Chinese men without wives. It's assumed that this imbalance will create a surge in ma...
Read full storyModern Warfare II sales top a $1 billion, main buyers are bored US soldiers, the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists!
The video game Modern Warfare II is outselling everything else on the planet including Chrysler Automobiles who only managed too sell 2 cars in December and they were bought by Obama as a gesture of good will. Politicians all over the planet are o...
Read full storyDakota Fanning Is Angelina Jolie's Biological Daughter
BEVERLY HILLS - Angelina Jolie flew into town to attend The 18th Annual Collagen Lips, Hips, and Tits Seminar and Demonstration Convention. She was asked how many children, biological and adopted, does she now have. Jolie thought for a second and...
Read full storyPoliticians Are 'Pricks'
For centuries they have gone by the name of 'politician's' but this, it turns out, has just been a horrible, horrible mistake for they are in fact just a pack of 'Pricks'. Those rosette-wearing twats that come around to your door with the intentio...
Read full storySeven Dwarves Admit To Identity Of "High Ho"
The seven dwarves, who marched to their jobs in their diamond mine singing "High Ho, High Ho, it's off to work we go" have finally admitted to the identity of their "high ho." The woman, whose name has been kept secret by the group for several years...
Read full storyAirport Scanners may prove to "discover" a new star
Recent reports to local news avenues have said that most people are not even aware that the new security scanners can actually see their naked bodies. If you are not a terrorist with bombs concealed on your body you have nothing to fear of this ne...
Read full storyAssholism Promoted by Internet Anonymity, Scientists Say
Internet venues that allow anonymous posting promote a personal and group assholism, according to a study by the Institute for Internet Studies (IIS). "If your name or your face is connected to what you post on the internet, you naturally have a t...
Read full storyCanseco Says McGwire Still Lying About Steroid Use
Jose Canseco, the former major leaguer who has publicly admitted to steroid use and claims that he introduced Mark McGwire to steroids, says that his former teammate is still lying. Canseco claims that McGwires recent confessions do not go deep enou...
Read full storyTiger Reportedly Checks into Arizona Sex Addiction Clinic Closely Followed by Lindsay Lohan, Tila Tequila and "some Irish Woman'
Reports are surfacing that reclusive Swinger Tiger Woods has actually been sighted in a small Arizona town that houses a little known, but highly used compulsive disorder' clinic for Follywood Elite. The town, population 6500, can not be named for...
Read full storyAdam And Eve Say God Never Returned Security Deposit When He Evicted Them From Eden
Adam and Eve have taked God to small claims court. The pair contend that our Heavenly Father never returned their security deposit when he evicted them from Eden for eating from his fruit tree. "That's six hundred big ones that he kept and didn't...
Read full storyHillary To Have Frown Permanently Removed
Word around Washington DC is that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is about to have her traditional frown permanently removed by cosmetic surgery. She recently told a friend: "I've had this frown since I caught Bill running around on me on our w...
Read full storyTiger Woods Left Endorsing John Daly Golf Shoes
Tiger Woods, who once did ads for dozens of companies, is down to doing commercials for golf shoes only. "These shoes are great", says Tiger in the new commercial for "John Daly's Favorites" Brand. "John has always been a great competitor and now,...
Read full storyTennessee Volunteers Search For New Head Football Coach, Boise State's Peterson First on List
The abrupt departure of head football coach Lane Kiffin to USC has prompted the search for a replacement at the University of Tennessee. The Volunteers are scrambling to find someone else just one year after hiring Kiffin to replace Phil Fulmer.
Read full storyAfter Tearing Biker Shorts During Race, Armstrong Told "Put That Thing In Your Pants, Lance"
Lance Armstrong had an accident while racing in the "Tour De Cleveland" bicycle race yesterday, resulting in the tearing of his bicycle shorts. That rip also brought some unwanted public exposure to the many time Tour De France champion. As you...
Read full storyVictorian Police Announce Plan to Prevent Racist Attacks on Indian Students
Melbourne (AAP) is a remarkable city for many reasons, but most notable is the unusual behaviour of its criminals. In a city of 3.5 million people, not a single Greek, Italian, Vietnamese, English, German or Anglo-Saxon person has been killed or...
Read full storyTom Cruise Buys His 3-Year-Old Daughter A $30,000 Toy Replica of An Indianapolis 500 Race Car
HOLLYWOOD - Tom Cruise has always said that his best role ever has been his role as 'daddy.' Well, Tommy went out and showed his little 3-year-old princess that if mommy ever leaves daddy, it will be in her best interest to stay, or rather demand,...
Read full storyLarry The Cable Guy To Introduce Palin At T-Bagger Convention
Sources have confirmed that Larry, The Cable Guy. will introduce Governor Sarah Palin at the February T-Bagger convention in Nashville. After the invocation by the Reverend T J McCorkle of Louisburg, NC and a direct descendent of Elmer Gantry, La...
Read full story"I had a good 8 inches last night" claims Westcountry woman
An unnamed Westcountry woman claims she woke this morning to find she had had a good 8 inches during the night. "It was quite something" she gasped "I have regularly had 2 or 3 inches and one night in 1983 I had 5 inched, but this was something e...
Read full storyRed Staplers Found to Cause Office Apathy
Made famous from the original motion picture, Office Space, the infamous Swinglyne red stapler is back in the news, identified as a root cause of poor performance and general indifference for the office worker who owns the paper-to-paper attachment d...
Read full story"I Did It. I'm A Monster" Woman Tells Cops
Two cops called to a domestic incident Tuesday night rolled up in their patrol car to scenes of unspeakable horror at a house on the Trevelyan Estate. Waiting for the officers at the kerb was a woman, clearly distraught, agitated, and covered in m...
Read full storyWoman Drove Three Miles Through Blizzard With Naked Drunk Stuck To Windscreen
Mrs Dorothy Polkadott was today fined £25 for driving without due care and attention at Blow Street Magistrates Court, after a police officer on patrol saw her Starburst Green Mercedes ploughing at speed through a blizzard with a naked drunk stuck to...
Read full storyMars has trees according to latest NASA photographs
Mars has trees according to the latest NASA photographs taken by a Mars probe. The trees look like conifers and sprout from hills on the red planet but there is now a big debate between those scientists who claim that these are indeed trees and ot...
Read full storyTobey Maguire Ousted as Spiderman
Dropping both Tobey Maguire from the leading role as well as renowned director Sam Raimi from the Spiderman franchise payroll, Sony Pictures will be looking to appeal to a younger audience with their yet-to-be announced choices for lead actor and dir...
Read full storyImage Of Jesus Found On David Beckham
When David Beckham stripped off for a kit change during AC Milan's 3-0 win over Juventus, eagle-eyed Milan fan Carlo Cosa-Nostra almost choked on his cappucino. For right there, just above the former Manchester United, Real Madrid and England midf...
Read full storyNo Diving from the Worlds tallest Building
A sign has appeared on the top floor of the Worlds highest building in Dubai the Burj Dubai saying NO DIVING. The Burj Dubai is double the size of the Empire state building and stands at 828 metres. It was opened January of this year despite Dubai...
Read full storyPolar Bears march to The Cairngorm Mountains in Aviemore
Polar Bears are on the march to the Cairngorms National Park in the North Of Scotland after reports of continual snow and ice and freezing temperatures. The Cairngorms are popular with climbers,walkers, skiers and sightseers and there are plenty o...
Read full storyLiverpool Fans In No Mood To Forgive Hicks Jr E-Mail
"Blow me, ****face. Go to hell. I'm sick of you." The above is a facsimile copy of an e-mail sent to a Liverpool supporter by Tom Hicks Jr, son of Liverpool FC co-owner, Tom Hicks, in the early hours of Saturday. The overheated response came in...
Read full storySimon Cool signs 12 million pound deal
Simon Cowell is changing his name to Simon Cool after signing a deal with ITV worth more than 12 million pounds keeping him on the X Factor until at least 2012. Cowell, or should I say Cool, has a grin like a Cheshire cat and is seen by many peopl...
Read full storyNew Playstation Games Console Unveiled
The creator of the Playstation 3, 2 and 1 has revealed that people at Sony have given the go-ahead for the Playstation 4 to be released in early 2013. It was though that the Playstation 3 was going to be the last console in the Playstation chrono...
Read full storyConservatives Propose Immigration Curbs
In an unprecedented move by the Conservative Party leadership, David Cameron today announced that immigration issues would form a core component of the party's general election manifesto. Mr Cameron was quick to deny that his plan to restrict the...
Read full storyWee Jimmy Whyman on religion
Wee Jimmy Whyman is the 5 year old child who has never ending questions he wants answers to which adults never ask. On a visit to his local church this Sunday in Glasgow the minister was telling the congregation the story of Noah and the ark and h...
Read full storyJesus' Image Appears On Beckham
Not content with appearing in tea leaves, blueberry muffins and even naan breads, Jesus Christ has found another way of getting his mugshot on telly. The Christian mogul has now decided to appear on David Beckham's torso. The image was revealed...
Read full storyBoxing Bans Bearded Boxers
Bearded Boxers have to be banned from taking part in boxing competitions because they find it difficult to scratch an itchy face if their hand is in a boxing glove. The Amateur Boxing Association of England recently ruled that all fighters had to...
Read full storyHorror in Haiti Earthquake hits in the land of Voodoo
A major earthquake in Haiti has caused the deaths of hundreds of people there are also reports of thousands buried in the rubble. Its the strongest earthquake to hit Haiti since 1770. A voodoo master Dr De Prince has claimed that this earthquake i...
Read full storyThe 2-14 Detroit Lions Hire A Louisiana Voodoo Witch Doctor
DETROIT - The owner and Chairman of The Detroit Lions, William Clay Ford, met with his son and Vice-Chairman William Clay Ford, Jr., and the Assistant Vice-Chairman Woody Cadillac to discuss the dismal 2-14 season the team just finished having. Ch...
Read full storyParents arrested at terminal for being frugal
City police were on hand when a flight arriving from Delaware, landed in Los Angeles Calif. They were alerted to an incident of a couple who tried to avoid the "high cost of flying" by putting their three children into a dog crate covered with a blan...
Read full storyJoan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance!"
"Johnny's still dead, isn't he? Wait, wait...I just sent you a picture of his headstone that my daughter took this morning. Check you're email. Go ahead. I'll wait," said Joan Rivers while she was laid out on the operating table of her Brazilian plastic surgeon's office as she spoke with her agent over the speakerphone. "Well then. Did you get it? Good. So you see, I still got a chance! You just d...
Read full storyAirlines and Perverted TSA Agents See Gold and Glee in YOUR Baggage...and Pocket Book
Flying by Air for more than a one day trip? If so, then you are like most travelers and have baggage to take with you. Checked or Carry-On, slithery bean counting profiteers along with Steamy TSA Agents behind the airlines counters are saying Cha C...
Read full storyPetyon Manning to Ray Lewis: "If he wants the ball, I'll throw it to him."
NFL all-stars, quarterback Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts and defensive linebacker Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens will meet this Saturday in a playoff showdown in Indianapolis. In a sharp turn of events, Peyton Manning said, "If Ray Lewi...
Read full storyConjoined Twins Both Pregnant With Conjoined Twins
It's been confirmed by medical staff at a hospital in Washington, that the conjoined twins, Mary and Terry McBriar, are both pregnant, and BOTH are due to give birth in June to CONJOINED TWINS! The news emerged yesterday as aspiring writers and ot...
Read full storyTiger Woods Having Sex Therapy
Tiger Woods has apparently checked himself into a sex clinic near Los Angeles, according to one Billy Rautch who was a patient there for the past two months. "Everybody knows he's there but no one has seen him", stated Rautch to UP2. "They even ha...
Read full storyJerry Jones Sells Naming Rights To Different Parts of New Dallas Cowboys Stadium
Jerry Jones is trying to recover some of his billion dollar investment in his new Cowboys Stadium by selling naming rights to different areas withing the sports venue. While naming rights to the entire stadium are not for sale at this time, some par...
Read full storyBrown And Obama Avert Near Disaster With Third Single
As the Gordy B and BO rock circus rolls into the Netherlands this week, the boys nearly came unstuck with their planned release of the third single from the highly anticipated covers album, due out next month. The success of the boys singing caree...
Read full storyIris called me 'Captain', wanted me to dress up in Star Trek uniform says Kirk!
Belfast - (The Final Frontier): Details have begun emerging about the sordid sex romps played by Northern Ireland MP Iris Robinson and her former helplessly enamoured toyboy 'Captain' Kirk McCambley. "She was mad about stripping off out of her Ent...
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