Port-Au-Prince - (Seismic Mess): Did a fully armed sunken Soviet nuclear submarine - the K-19 Chupacabra - cause the 7.9 earthquake that razed much of Port-Au-Prince yesterday?
The Soviet craft was on patrol near Port-Au-Prince during the Vatican-funded 1962 Cuban Missal (sic) Crisis.
It is believed to plummeted to the bottom of the sea bed after Papa Doc's notorious Tonton Macoute dirty tricks department pulled a fast one.
Officially Tuesday's tremor is the result of standard seismic activity in the volatile Caribbean Tectonic Faultline area.
But secret NATO records show the USSR submersible was carrying 50 nuclear warheads bound for Havana when it sank close to the Enriquillo-Plantain Garden Fault.
Its Captain Marko Ramius is believed to have been tricked by the Haitian paramilitaries into sampling a huge 'exotic' cohiba black figurado torpedo cigar during his lunch break.
The rest as they say is hystery.
The K-19 Chupacabra sank within a few minutes of Ramius resuming control of the sub, which then 'accidentally' rammed a Portuguese fishing smack and almost ran aground on the Gonave Microplate sandbanks.
Its nuclear payload has been cited as being capable of causing up to 100 Hiroshimas.
Countless attempts at salvage have failed because the sub became embedded in fresh water spout holes deep in the marine floor.
An update on the Port-Au-Prince earthquake later this week will have the latest details on this fast-breaking story.