Rome Evacuated in Bomb Scare
ITALY: The offices in Rome of Il Messaggero, one of Italy's leading newspapers were evacuated early yesterday. What is believed to have been a nuclear bomb was found on the premises, in the editor's office. Army bomb disposal experts were called in t...
Read full storyWikisquirts Release: The remake of Thelma and Louise, with Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin starring!
Our WikiSquirts Los Angeles Bureau Chief, Rolly Patampkin, is now reporting that a remake of the dude hating, blatantly lesbian, sassy bitch movie Thelma and Louise has got the green light to begin production in February 2011. Word around local do...
Read full storyIrish Water Problem Solved!
The Belfast water shortage was brought to and end this morning when Ardle O'Realy, Minister for Water shortages, rattled out his new strategy for a long term solution. Speaking at the press conference, Mr O'realy said; "Oye was tinking der udde...
Read full storyEncouraging the Irish to reframe from over-indulging in Alcohol Backfires!
During this festive season, authorities ran a major campaign against Alcoholism. Today, authorities have been forced to take a very usually step backwards and are now encouraging people to over indulge as they used to. The reason for this majo...
Read full storyHow To Tell If It's A Swell Motel!
Lately, I've been doing a lot of traveling in connection with my writing. The past three months alone I've driven to Sylva, North Carolina, Louisville, Kentucky, and Destin, Florida. Overall, I'm holding up reasonably well, except for the fact that my rear end is starting to closely resemble the upholstery pattern of my car seats. I've also learned that you don't want to drink a twenty-four ounce...
Read full storyTwitter Birdies Convene in Vegas for Business and Funny Business
Las Vegas, Nevada -- At their annual convention, Twitter birdies (you know, the ones who transport and deliver the tweets) voted to demand higher pay, but they also indicated that they'd be willing to see the tweet limit expanded to 150 characters f...
Read full storyAutumn's winter baby puts spring in step of Royal Glums.
[INSIDE THE BIRTHING ROOM - BUCKINGHAM PALACE] Phew! That was almost the year that was. After the bad-hat fiasco would there be anything that could put a smile on the Royal Glums? Well thanks to the colonies - C-eh-N-eh-D-eh to be exact, QE2...
Read full storyNew technology is on the way to produce sympathic sat nav systemsw
New technology is on the way to enable computers to sense the moods of drivers. One useful application could be in sat nav systems which could use the technology to display some sympathy with a driver's state of mind and react accordingly BEFORE...
Read full storyScientist Finds the Same Cure for both H1N1 Influenza and Obesity
A Scientist from Sweden has announced that both Swine Flu and obesity can be cured by the same very common drug. In fact the drug is so common that it can be found on any street corner in Britain. It is however illegal, and this announcement has ca...
Read full storyHealth Ad Campaign U Turn
As deaths mount due to swine flu, Health Secretary Andrew Lansley has decided to relaunch advertising campaigns to make people more aware of flu injections for at risk groups. This comes days after the same Minister had suggested that Doctors were th...
Read full storyReal lives: The Pawn Broker
Today, we speak to Errin Cohen, owner of Cohen Brokers. MR COHEN, WHY DID YOU BECOME A PAWN BROKER? "Oye! My farzer voss a pawn broker, my grandfarzer voss a Pawn Broker, my great great grandfarzer voss a Pawn Broker, vot voss I to do, become an accountant?" I SEE, IS IT AN INTERESTING JOB? "Interesting?! he says! Interesting! Oye vey! A man comes in the other day, he's got an el...
Read full storyAshes Retained - End Of World Predicted
As the dust settled and Australians tried to come to terms with the fact that they had been stuffed in a vital test match by England, some were predicting events of Biblical proportions. "Dogs and cats living together!" Exclaimed one Antipodean wa...
Read full storyFarve Vindicated by NFL after Text Penis Pix Turns Out to be Chia Plant Growing on 8" Life Like Dildo!
The NFL announced the vindication of Brett Farve after pictures of his alleged penis, sent via text messages to a former NY Jets sideline reporter 2 years ago when Farve played there, were found to be part of a gigantic hoax originating somewhere in...
Read full storyBoney M male dancer dies singing his very own 'Rivers of Babylon"!
Bobby Farrell (RIP) has died suddenly leaving Boney M without a frontman; a singer they didn't need because their manager, Frank Farian, did all of that. Bobby was a super dancing showman and although the band couldn't sing (apart from one of the...
Read full storyThe Attack on Christine O'Donnell is down right racist! or is it Ms. O'Donnell being the racist?
Can you believe it but now the "Bone Thugs" of the Obama administration are going after former Senatorial candidate Christine O'Donnell for misuse of campaign funds during her bid for Senator in the 2010 mid term elections. You remember Christine O'Donnell - the one that claimed she was not a witch even though she practiced witchcraft during a lesbian, drug induced spell during college… you k...
Read full storyLiverpool Manager Roy Hodgson fired by Red Sox Owners
Following a string of poor performance's and generally perceived mismanagement of the Liverpool FC team, manager Roy Hodgson has been fired out of a cannon by the American owners of the club. The action, rare in British sports, however common plac...
Read full storyRoy Hodgson: "You'll Never Walk Alone!"
This WAS Anfield, Liverpool: Arise the Kop at Anfield, for the singing of the Scouse national Anthem: "When you walk through the storm (Roy Hodgson's Liverpool FC in the bottom half of the Premier League) Hold your head up high (Roy Hodgson standing on the touch line trying to fathom out the formations) And don't be afraid of the dark (booing Scouse fans calling for Roy Hodgson to depart...
Read full storyQueen is great-grandma
The Queen becomes a great-grandmother as Peter Phillips' wife Autumn has a baby daughter Yes, our dear Queen is a great-grandmother and, although delighted, she does say that she is now beginning to 'feel her age' however she assures us she still...
Read full storyThanks but No Thanks
Just to see the republican party go insane, the President of the United States offered up a non binding resolution that would lend aid to Native Americans. As expected, Nan Coulter,a quiet, temperate republican blew a gasket and said the President...
Read full story'Real-Life' Latest in 3D Tech
PALO ALTO, CA - Real-life, a new venture by God-Allah-Yahweh Corp., Google, Microsoft, Apple Belkin, Facebook and other companies, will hit shelves today. "Real-life," said Gary Wright, the rep., "is new. The latest in 3D. Not only is everything i...
Read full storyPoets Corner: Where Ordinary People Write Poetry
This Months Top Poems. Eric Scrondel (Toilet Cleaner) The toilet pan, is white. I look into the water. The smell of the bloke in the toilet next door. Tells me, he has Diahrria. Amy Punty (Nurse) Puke and pus. Bandage and plaster. How I look forward. To my Mince meat dinner. John Zunit (Window Cleaner) Wash the glass. The ladder mov...
Read full storySnow Falls Again to Annoy Public
LONDON - Just when the country has started moving again, embracing the minus celsius temperature, Mother Nature decided to heap more snow on the nation. "Ah holy crap!" said one concerned citizen. "Damn. Damn. Goddammit." After roads were close...
Read full storyHistory Exam Paper: World War Two
Describe the events leading up to the start of WW2 Try to include names and dates. Once, there was this bloke named Nazi, and he had some friends called Hitler and Adolf and thier gang was called German. One day, they had an argument with a gang called the Poland. The Poland people did not want to be mates with Nazi and his friends, so, Hitler and Adolf beat them up. But, the Polands had s...
Read full storyCamilla wants to have a baby too now
Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, has secretly been undergoing IVF treatment in a Milanese clinic. She is 63. Her first treatment at the clinic of Dr. Gianni Innamorato was at the beginning of November. She had flown to Milan accompanied only by a fe...
Read full storyiPad 2 Only Available for Those Who Believe in the Apple
PALO ALTO, CA - Steve Jobs announced that the new iDevice will be on sale for those who truly follow Apple, Inc.. "This device," he said, holding up nothing. "Is only visible, and purchasable for those who believe." Nearly all of the people in the...
Read full storyJoy in Beverly Hills As Suri Reunites with Katie & Tom Cruise & Drops Acrimonious Divorce Suit In Exchange for Extravagent Christmas Presents!
Hundreds of Follywood stars who collect children like Mike Vick used to collect pet dogs, breathed a sigh of relief today as Suri Holmes-Cruise dropped her divorce suit seeking separate maintenance and 'her own life' that could have set a dangerous...
Read full storyIsrael gas find 'more Zyklon-B than helium' says Hezbollah
Israel - (UpStream, DownStream): "It's a poisoned chalice alright," is how the Hezbollah Carbon Trading Authority described the latest Leviathan gas find. The Lebanese energy quango has condemned claims by descendants of World War II poison gas m...
Read full storyApple recall the Counting Sheep App
Apple Computer Labs have been forced to recall the Counting Sheep App after it was revealed that both modes had problems. The Applelet designed to help insomniacs fall asleep is first charged with sheep, which it then replays to help the potential...
Read full storySanta To Relocate
With the Christmas frenzy over and his sack empty, Mr. Santa Claus is taking his well-earned rest, but things are not all that peaceful at the North Pole. The elves and the reindeer were seen packing stuff and this was not the usual toy stuff, but...
Read full storyJohn has Semen Transplant Child
John John and his husband Fred Furnish revealed today they are expecting their first child. John, who had a hair transplant in the 70's, told journalists he was forced to undergo a semen transplant enthusiastically donated by his close friend Gra...
Read full storyPresidential Priorities, Political Correctness & Crime and Justice in the US
Most law abiding, hard working, tax paying citizens, and even sports fans were scratching their heads this week after it was revealed that a President under Siege could take the time to praise a billionaire Democratic fund raiser for hiring a convicted felon who served time for the horrendous crimes involved with the abuse, maiming and death of dogs. President Obama, while claiming victory in...
Read full storyMichael Jackson comes back to haunt the world!
A dodgy documentary is probing into the real reason how Michael "Jacko" really died on discovery channel. It seems that Michael will not leave the world in peace until they prove he didn't fiddle with little children, did love Billie Jean and only re...
Read full storyGrave Problem for Funeral Directors
Severus Slice, Vice President of the assembled Funeral Directors at their Annual Conference in Hull, had grim news for his audience. 'People are going to be living far too long,' he advised the worried throng. 'Some of us are bound to go under. I...
Read full storyMother-In-Law Survives Christmas By The Skin Of Her Dentures
An elderly woman has narrowly escaped being beaten to death by her only son-in-law, after simmering family tensions reached boiling point over the Christmas holiday. Only a phone call to the Samaritans, followed by the swift intervention of a police...
Read full storyA Woman In Wales Gives Birth To A Baby Girl Weighing An Amazing 87 Pounds!
SWANSEA, Wales - According to an article which appeared in The Swansea Daily Divulger newspaper, doctors at The Mrs. Dylan Thomas Hospital in Swansea have just announced that they delivered what is believed to be the biggest baby ever born in the wor...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Why Miley Cyrus Is Acting Like She's Lindsay Lohan
VENICE BEACH - Miley Cyrus spent some time at the Venice Beach beach house of Bret Michaels and his family over the Christmas holidays. Miley and Bret's two daughters Raine Maker, 10, and Jorga Mind, 5, all exchanged gifts. Raine gave Miley a diam...
Read full storyWikileaks Document Purports To Show That Sarah Palin Was Actually Born In Russia
CHICAGO - Wikileaks has just released a blockbuster document which appears to show a copy of Sarah Palin's actual birth certificate. The document, which is listed as Classified BC-00329, has a photo attached to it. The photo shows that it is a cop...
Read full storySusan Boyle reveals she is mother of Elton's baby
Scottish singer Susan Boyle shocked the world as she announced in a press conference today that she is the mother of the baby born to famous gay couple Sir Elton John and David Furnish. "When Sir Elton approached me, I thought, well, there's one m...
Read full storyCalvin Klein To Design Clothing For Elton John's New Baby Son
It's one of the most recognized fashion brands in the world and-with more than $5 billion in annual sales-also one of the most profitable. Bronx-born Klein started his company in 1968, a coat shop with childhood friend Barry Schwartz. Yes, if you are at all interested in the stars, if you are at all interested in fashion, if you are at all interested in the 'babies of the stars' and, indeed, if...
Read full storyGay mafia news letter
Welcome, to our monthly chat from your Godmother, Don Everard Farquaharson. Hello Loves, and what a month it has been! It all started down the left side, from me hip, right through to me ankle! I don't mind telling you, I could swing for that doctor. Anyway, I was getting ready for bed, just had me glass of wincarniss, and put me face pack on, when there's a bang on the front door! I th...
Read full story'Introducing Wikisquirts' Found: The teenage diaries of Amy Winehouse
Recent news organizations are reporting that the teenage diary of Amy Winehouse has been found. Purportedly the diary was found in a 'rubbish bin' outside of the Georgian country house on the Norfolk-Suffolk borders, Ellingham Hall, where Julian Assange is currently spending his "house arrest" attending orgies and cock fights. Interestingly enough the diary has been "leaked" by Wikileaks of...
Read full storySpoof Writer found under Spoof Writer's Bed
This morning, a well known Spoof Writer awoke to hear snoring under his bed. He was shocked and amazed as he didn't remember picking anyone up at the pub the night before. Astounded and perplexed, he slowly got down on his knees in order to take...
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