Ashes Retained - End Of World Predicted

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Thursday, 30 December 2010

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As the dust settled and Australians tried to come to terms with the fact that they had been stuffed in a vital test match by England, some were predicting events of Biblical proportions.

"Dogs and cats living together!" Exclaimed one Antipodean wandering around Shepherd's Bush, west London this morning. "Aw, mate, look - I'm not kidding. This is really bad?

(EIF News & Features apologises for the inappropriate queries in this article, but there seems no other way of indicating the Digger's rising inflections).

"This is the kind of thing that presages momentous events - like even the end of the world?

"I'm sure it's there in Revelations? Like when the guy who had the dream saw the seventh seal opened? Doesn't it say something about 'And lo, the South African English won a cricket match in Melbourne and there was much renting of hair and wailing?'

"I'm staying in tonight, mate?"

To reassure our readers, EIF spoke to local vicar, Rev WG Grace, vicar of St Straussy and All Angels, who told us: "Oh, ho - I see. Ha ha ha. No - ah ha ha! I'm pretty sure we can say that Armageddon is not imminent just because England have, ah, retained the Ashes!

"I looked at my bible and can see no reason to fear the Last Judgement being triggered by a cricket match. Maybe a Strine version of Revelations might have some reference to cricket in it - but I couldn't say."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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