A Scientist from Sweden has announced that both Swine Flu and obesity can be cured by the same very common drug. In fact the drug is so common that it can be found on any street corner in Britain. It is however illegal, and this announcement has caused much debate in the Scientific community.
Dr Olaf made the discovery after 15 years of self experimentation, and he is said to be very pleased with his findings. Pharmaceutical companies, however, aren't quite so happy, and Dr Olaf has said they have been trying to discredit his work.
He says they have called his grand discovery a useless finding because the dangers of the cure far outweigh the dangers of having the flu and being fat. The reasons they gave are that Dr Olaf's Cures mainly consist of large daily intakes of Heroin,
Dr Olaf disagrees. He says that his new Heroin Cure for Influenza and Obesity is perfectly safe, and that the rumour that he lost control of his heroin use during his experimentations are all untrue. He said he has always been in complete cotrol, even after he lost his house, his wife and his Tesco Club Card.
Dr Olaf is said to have been contacted by the Nobel Peace Prize committee and a leading "weight loss self help" group who wish to discuss his work, but the Pharmaceutical companies have complained.
They say Dr Olaf is a junkie who just happened to notice that he had never had the flu. That doesn't mean that Heroin cures flu, it just means that Dr Olaf is a lucky junkie. And being thin to the degree that a Heroin addict is thin, is not healthy.
A spokesman for the pharmaceutical companies did admit that they know that heroin has its practical uses, and would be very profitable to sell, but that doesn't make it right.
They have called for Dr Olaf to be struck off the medical register and have called for his laboratory to be raided by the drugs police.
I don't think we'll be seing Dr Olaf's Influenza remedy on the shelf any time soon, but it is still widely available on street corners.
By Katarina Frogpond.
