Tiger Woods Is Embarrassed Over "Golf Gate"
ORLANDO, Florida - Tiger Woods is still in seclusion in his $2.4 million Orlando mansion after his horrible 'driveway' ordeal. Details are still sketchy, especially since the local police have not been able to talk to Mr. Woods, because his wife,...
Read full story'The Case of the Funny American Writer'
'I say, Holmes', Dr. Watson said, as he finished his 73rd boiled egg at the breakfast table in 233d Baker Street whilst reading The Times, 'deuced disturbing news!' 'What is it, Watson?', the famous sleuth rejoindered, as he attacked his fourteenth poached egg of the morning. 'Scotland Yard say that an American writer has been caught being humourous! Surely it can't be true!' 'Watson', Holmes,...
Read full storySt Andrew's Day Massacre for Gorgon Brown Government
London - (Gotchabastatrds!): And it's all over bar the Tyburn gibbet for the Prime Monster and his merry band of KGB paedocrats. A St Andrew's Day dawn raid by the Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency is poised to throw the whole despicable lot...
Read full storyWales in Mourning
Little known English County Wales is in mourning tonight after warbling pre-pubescent songster Lloyd Daniels was unceremoniously booted off tonight's X Factor. Daniels, 6 months and a barely formed foetus lost out to gurning Essex Love-God Olly Mu...
Read full storyAlicia Keys Pisses Everybody Off By Performing Live On The X-Factor
The big X-Factor story tonight is that a little old New York City gal, Alicia Keys, did what no other headlining act has managed so far - she actually sang live on the X-Factor. Plucky Alicia showed every other celeb mime artist up by actually sin...
Read full storyOrganic farm busted in 'pee bale' incident; The bale was organic, but not the urine, says Filth Association
MUDBURY - Organic farmer Tam McNure has suffered and overcome many challenges in his forty-some years raising vegetables in Mudbury, but the latest seems insurmountable. 'Due to organic vegetable prices, I have been able to raise a family, and pu...
Read full storyIgnoble Awards
The 2009 Ig Nobel winners, awarded Thursday at Harvard University by the Annals of Improbable Research magazine: VETERINARY MEDICINE: Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson for showing that cows with names give more milk than unnamed cows. PEACE: Stephan Bolliger, Steffen Ross, Lars Oesterhelweg, Michael Thali and Beat Kneubuehl for investigating whether it is better to be struck over the hea...
Read full storyCheryl Cole's 2010 Nude Calendar Selling Like Hot Cakes!
LONDON - Noted singer and famed X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole told a reporter for the BBC that she has just been informed that her 2010 calendar, "Cheryl Cole's 12 Titillating Views" has already sold more copies than any other nude calendar in the histo...
Read full storyMrs. Tiger Woods Hits Hole In One
At 2:43 A.M. following Thanksgiving dinner, both Mr. and Mrs. Tiger Woods got a hankering for their favorite pistachio nut caramel brownie chocolate fudge ice cream. As Tiger jumped into their '09 Cadillac Escalade SUV for a quick putt to the twen...
Read full storySanta 'Sick Of Goody-Goody Children'
Santa Claus, beardy bundle of Chrimbo fun and present giver to the good, has released a press statement this morning through his PR agent, Murky Dyke. "My client wants it to be known that with Christmas looming, he feels it only right to give the...
Read full storySend 200,000 Troops Says Karzai We'll Send You The Poppies And My Brother
In a move to strengthen his regime, hold on to his power, and keep his pretty clothes, Hamid Karzai has called upon the United States to send an additional 200,000 troops to Afghanistan. He has reportedly sent word to President Obama that if the US w...
Read full storySusan Boyle and Paul Potts to Wed
Susan Boyle is to marry that other emotionally stunted ugly British talent show fatty, Paul Potts in a ceremony allegedly costing upwards of 20p. The wedding will take place in Cambodia so as to cash in on Potts infamous name. Susan has told cl...
Read full storyTwilight is Shit
it's the movie everyone is talking about (provided you are a stupid teenage girl and like being overcharged at the cinema) but the film Twilight - New Moon is a heap of shit. Crap graphics, rubbish acting and not enough Robert Pattinson (off sunni...
Read full storyTiger Woods Mystery Car Crash Explained
The questions surrounding the mystery of Tiger Woods' car accident may have moved closer to being answered. Woods wife, Elin Nordegren, has stated she believes her husband has been abducted by aliens, and the man who she found unconcious on the ro...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing exclusive
Vincent Simone the 30 year old ladies man from the BBC production of Strictly Come Dancing prime time Saturday evenings spectacular dramatically let down his dancing partner Natalie Cassidy Simone's inability to ROLIE-POLIE made Cassidy laugh ti...
Read full storyPentagon hacker: US spooks hiding what happened to Maddie
London - (Daft-as-a-Brush): Secret European listening posts in George W Bush's warrantless wiretap program may be hiding something. That's Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon's best bet as thousands of hours of taped phone calls were locked down in a t...
Read full storyUS admit, we nearly had Bin Laden, but then Bush pardoned him!
In an astonishing revelation the US have now admitted they had the world's most sought after terrorist, Bin Laden "by the balls!" The FBI have given a press conference announcing the fact and why they allowed Bin to "do a runner": Here their an...
Read full storyMore Serious Accident Lands Tiger Woods Back in Hospital
ORLANDO, Florida - Florida highway patrol officers want to talk to golfer Tiger Woods more than ever after a fall from a trellis at his home landed him right back in the hospital early Sunday morning, this time with more serious injuries, said offici...
Read full storyTiger Woods crashes his Maserati golf buggy after a domestic storm in his "TEE" cup!
Multi-billionaire and world No 1 golfer Tiger Woods, "Teed" off on the wrong foot with his missus, stormed off the 17th and promptly crashed his Golf Buggy against a flag on the 18th green! The hot-rod Maserati buggy tipped over with Tiger's missu...
Read full storyNewcastle United call for the return of Alan Shearer's Priceless Painting
Newcastle united have issued a call for the return of Alan Shearer's priceless painting "Tyne Bridge in Abstract Autumn Sunlight" It was stolen on Wenesday night by the infamous Art Thief Geordie McMaxwell, just hours before it was due to be auction...
Read full storyThe secret tragedy behind the man who brought us the Foster report
The man who delivered the foster report has revealed he has suffered a deep personal tragedy. It happened just seven hours after he delivered the report that revealed the failings of the NHS. The Terrible tragedy occured as Dr Foster was celebrati...
Read full storyCould And Would Tiger Woods Avoid the Woods?
The nation this week, was stunned and concerned when Tiger 'Geeky' Woods was involved in a face-busting 22mph reversed crash into a metal pole, and then a 19 mph forward bump into neighbours tree. We all feared the worst, and yes - it was confirmed.
Read full storyBonkettes Get Lost - Touch Down In Vegas
The world's most famous girl band, the Bonkettes landed in Las Vegas last night amid much confusion as to where they were supposed to be on their sell-out World Stadium Tour. The band's manager, BT Bishop, admitted that he'd lost the plot and got...
Read full storyElves Strike for better healthcare
It could be sad Christmas for everyone, that is if an agreement can't be reached between the elves and Santa In a document filed yesterday by the UmPa Lumpa Guild it was stated that "the little fella's have been without adequate health coverage for...
Read full storyNew election process in Cuba
December 16, 9009- Ernesto Sanchez the president of Cuba announced in a lengthy speech that his country was going to change the election process in Cuba to meet the demands of the future. In the old democratic system from earths primitive past, pe...
Read full storyRest In Peace Kermit
It has been a sad day for the muppets especially Ms.Piggy. Kermit J. Frog has died silently in his home today of the H1N1 virus. He was surrounded by his newly wed Ms. Piggy and his best friend Fozzie Bear and the rest of his muppet friends. He was f...
Read full storyLowton Charged in Ad Scam
Mark Lowton, owner of TheSpoof.com a satirical web site, has been charged with placing false advertisements for an Internet game on his website featuring lurid pictures of large breasted pouting temptresses. According to Internet officials there i...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing Sends Ex-EastEnder Natalie Cassidy Back Home
LONDON - The latest casualty on Strictly Come Dancing is the ex-soap opera star of the EastEnders Natalie Cassidy. The 26-year-old actress first found herself in the bottom two and then ended up finding herself trudging out the door. Her dance...
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