More Serious Accident Lands Tiger Woods Back in Hospital

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Sunday, 29 November 2009


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Woods' dream of three-way tournament with wife, mistress fading fast.

ORLANDO, Florida - Florida highway patrol officers want to talk to golfer Tiger Woods more than ever after a fall from a trellis at his home landed him right back in the hospital early Sunday morning, this time with more serious injuries, said officials.

The accident occurred at about 3:15 a.m. in Windermere, a suburb of Orlando, when Woods decided to step outside of his bedroom window and got stuck on a trellis, according to an incident report filed by the Windermere police.

Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, told police she was in the bedroom when she heard Woods calling for help. She said she ran to the window with a golf club hoping to pull her husband to safety, but accidentally smashed his fingers when she swung it down to him.

Windermere police officers were the first to arrive at Woods' home in the gated waterfront community.

"There was Tiger laying in the rough grass on the side of his house with his fingers all crooked and purple," said Police Chief T. Fairway. "He was obviously in incredible pain, and screaming bloody murder. We couldn't get a statement."

Since they were already familiar with the route, Orange County fire and rescue arrived less than 3 minutes later and took him to the Hanging Chad Memorial Hospital in Orlando.

Woods was set to host and play the Oil Company World Challenge on Monday at Nottingham Country Club in Thousand Oaks, California.

Instead, the 33-year-old golf phenomenon's entire future has been called into question as he now faces a series of lengthy, complicated surgeries to reconstruct his shattered fingers.

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