Newcastle United call for the return of Alan Shearer's Priceless Painting

Funny story written by Katarina Frogpond2

Sunday, 29 November 2009

image for Newcastle United call for the return of Alan Shearer's Priceless Painting
Tyne Bridge in Abstract Autumn Sunlight - say the geordies

Newcastle united have issued a call for the return of Alan Shearer's priceless painting "Tyne Bridge in Abstract Autumn Sunlight" It was stolen on Wenesday night by the infamous Art Thief Geordie McMaxwell, just hours before it was due to be auctioned for the Bobby Robson Memorial Fund.

A spokesman for Newcastle United Football club have said "The painting was a Geordie Treasure. Its irreplaceable. Alan Shearer's a bloody artistic genius."

Katarina Frogpond(that's me) who has had the "honour" of seeing this "treasure" pointed out to the spokesman that it didn't look very much like the Tyne bridge.

"That's because its abstract" Said The spokesman, getting annoyed. "You obviously don't understand Art"

"I do actually. I go to Art class. I'm a real artist" Said Katarina. "But this one looks like rain drops on a window..and it looks like..a photo"

"That's what you think, because your not a true Geordie. Real Geordies are used to looking past the rain drops to see the picture behind. Only real geordies understand how to appreciate this painting, so that's why we want it back"

"So are you saying that it was probably a real Geordie who stole it?" Asked Katarina.

The spokesman looked angry. "I know what you're getting at Miss Frogpond and you'd better stop right there. I read your accusations in your last article, and I can tell you now that Wor Kevin Keegan is NOT Geordie McMaxwell. He did not steal Alan Shearer's painting"

"Yeah but...he did though..didn't he?" Said Katarina.

"End of Interview Miss Frogpond." Said the Spokesman "I want a printed apology or You'll be hearing from our lawyers very soon"

"Bring it on" Said Katarina. "I've got more accusations where that came from"

"Like what?"

"Not telling. You'll have to read my next article on Tuesday to find out. It will shake Newcastle United Football club to its foundations."

By Katarina Frogpond.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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