ORLANDO, Florida - Tiger Woods is still in seclusion in his $2.4 million Orlando mansion after his horrible 'driveway' ordeal.
Details are still sketchy, especially since the local police have not been able to talk to Mr. Woods, because his wife, keeps telling them that he is sleeping.
Damn, Rip Van Winkle didn't sleep that much.
It is amazing the amount of leeway that Tiger Man is being allowed. If it had been some poor drive-thru window clerk at Burger King, the young fella would have been arrested immediately and throw in jail with the vagrants, winos, wife-beaters, illegal aliens, and ex-NFL players.
But since it is the ever-smiling Tiger Woods, he is being shown preferential treatment, and it shows just as clearly as Cindy Crawford's upper lip mole.
A spokesperson for the Orlando Police Department Rusty Lemongrass was asked why the OPD has not gone to talk to Mr. Woods and gotten a statement.
Lemongrass pointed out that several officers have gone to his house (mansion) but his wife keeps telling them that Tiggy, her name for him, is sleeping and he cannot be disturbed because if he is, he becomes very irritable and it could affect his golf game.
She did point out that Tiggy is embarrassed over the whole sordid incident. He says that what happened is nobody's business and that they have to remember that he is Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer in the history of golfing and because of that fact he does not have to say sh*t to anyone, including the police, the FBI, the CIA, or the Orlando Gas and Electric Board.
Meanwhile, Governor Rick Perry of Texas has called the Orlando Police Department and told them that if they want he can send over a couple of his Texas Rangers and they'll wake up old Rip Van Woods from his beauty sleep real dadgum pronto like and get to the bottom of this friggin "Golf Gate" mess.
In a related story. Sales of Tiger Woods monogramed boxer shorts have shot up 300 percent since the "Golf Gate" incident.