Christ Offers Eternal Salvation to Miss Californication
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN - Well known by members of the Christian community for His benevolence, the Lord Jesus Christ has offered Carrie Prejean forgiveness for her sins, according to both Christ and the reigning Miss California. In addition, she has been...
Read full storyDonald Trump Approves of Carrie Prejean's Photos
NEW YORK CITY - Business mogul Donald Trump, who owns the Miss USA Pageant, has said that the questionable pictures of Carrie Prejean (Miss California) although somewhat risque are acceptable for viewing by all family members at family picnics, reuni...
Read full storyWhite house defies global warming
The White House has turned a blind eye to an Environmental Protection Agency proposal that could have led to regulating the gases blamed for global warming. The White House is concerned that it will prove costly for factories, small businesses and other institutions. If the White House were a Black House it would have seen things differently. Black Houses retain heat and are usually hotter tha...
Read full storyPeter Andre Asking For Jordan's Tits As Part Of Divorce Settlement
Peter Andre has made a surprise request as part of his divorce settlement with Katie Price aka Jordan; the diminutive Aussie singer has told his lawyer that he would very much like custody of Jordan's tits. Andre, 36, and Price aka Jordan, have be...
Read full storyPope Craves Variety In Israeli Itinerary
In an off-guarded moment his Holiness Pope Benedict XVI has expressed a wish for some variety in an otherwise intense and politically sensitive visit to Israel. His itinerary is thus: Monday: Arrive in Israel. Meet President Shimon Peres T...
Read full storySinew flu pandemic threatens dyslexics
Dyslexics were on alert worldwide after discovering that the swine flu virus had mutated through spelling to a deadly variant muscular disease, sinew flu. In a statement, the Dyslexic World Health Organisation (HOW) said: "Now that this disease ca...
Read full story'Graboid' superworms trash Chelsea Flower Showground
London - (Whorticultural Tremors Ass Mess): Next week's eagerly awaited Chelsea Flower Show has been cancelled after the Royal Hospital showground was trashed by giant subterranean worm-like crawlers. Hundreds of the marauding 50ft long annelids h...
Read full storyCameron To Kick Ass
Opposition leader David Cameron, shaking with rage at some of his colleague's expenses claims, has vowed to "kick their heads in" if they fail to repay the claims. The Eton educated millionaire, who claimed £680 for a big stick to jab a jammed juv...
Read full storyMichael Steele Apologizes for Offending Republican Leaders
Republican Committee Chairman Michael Steele issued an apology today for insulting nearly all of the leading voices of the Republican Party. When asked to comment on Mitt Romney, Steele said, "He's a Mormon, and it's clear that we don't vote for...
Read full storyPig To Sue Press
In a test case that has serious implications for the fourth estate, a pig is to sue both local and national newspapers for defamation after unflattering comparisons to Members of Parliament were made in print. News International, Associated Newspa...
Read full storyPope does great stand-up routine in Jerusalem
Pope Benedict today did a great concert in Jerusalem, winning many standing ovations for his excellent and famously tasteless comedy routine. 'Hi!', he shouted, running on to the stage there, dressed as a woman, 'how're ya doing, Israel?', to loud cheers from the huge audience. 'A funny thing happened to me on the way here', he said. 'A woman shouted out 'We don't want you Nazi swine coming her...
Read full storyWar Breaks Out Between Boyle, Cowell
A war has erupted between overnight singing sensation Susan Boyle & Simon Cowell according to...well...me. Sarah's brother John is quoted as saying, "My sister couldn't be anymore popular than she is right now. She deserves to get to go to Ame...
Read full storyESPN Signs Mark Cuban and K-Mart To A Caged Match
DALLAS - The four-lettered sports network ESPN has just announced that they have signed Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and Denver Nuggets star Kenyon Martin to participate in a caged wrestling match. The match stems as a result of the derogator...
Read full storyCrazy hook handed terrorist converting to Christianity and replacing hook with bible
Jordan - Crazy hook-handed terrorist Abu Hamza is converting to Christianity after "seeing the light" last weekend during a life changing incident. Hamza, well known in Britain as Islamic Preacher of Hate, left the country in 2007 to go on a cheap...
Read full storyMan Catches Father In Law Masturbating - Debates On Whether To Inform Wife
A man, a Savannah man, reeled in horror after arriving home mid afternoon unexpected to discover his Father-In-Law masturbating in front of the Television. To make matters work my wife's Dad attempted to switch channels when he realized he had been...
Read full storyRobert Malinow Interview
Fairy: Dr. Robert Malinow, what was your most singular specimen of research? Robert: The Shannah Schilit Fairy: Dr. Robert Malinow, what pill do you recommend for the treatment of Depression, for patients who have tried every prescription?--and nothing seems to be sufficient. Robert: The Shannah Schilit Fairy: Dr. Robert Malinow, in FairyLand there is a rumor that you researched...
Read full storyLennon's Bloody Clothes!
Widow of murdered Beatle John Lennon, "artist" Yoko Ono I've Done It Again! has found herself once more up to her neck in three feet of controversy. Ono has thrown together a display for an upcoming exhibition at a New York art gallery, a display...
Read full storyWynona Ryder planning greatest comeback ever
New York, NY - Winona Ryder has announced in an exclusive interview with Jail Birds magazine that she will rob a Walmart store (the daddy company of Asda) next month in her home city in Long Island. Ryder was convicted in 2005 for robbing a clothe...
Read full storyPope sanctions State for Palestinians
Following his historic trip to Israel - he tripped over the red carpet at Ben Gurion Airport on the way in - despite the potential controversy, the Pope has sanctioned their own State for the Palestinians. In a speech in several languanges, includ...
Read full storyDawn of the Damned
Jerusalem - (Dome of the Northern Rock Bank Mess): As the sun begins its apocalyptic ascent over Jerusalem's fabled Mound of Olives on Wednesday's Feast of Our Lady's Ultimate Fatima Secret a massive cardiac infarction becons Pope Joe Ratzinger's la...
Read full storyThe President Names Porn Star Stormy Daniels Secretary of Sex
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Louisiana-born porn star Stormy Daniels has just been named by President Barack Obama to head up the newly-established Department of Sex. Miss Daniels, 30, will be the nation's first Secretary of Sex. In her role she will be res...
Read full storyKristen Stewart and Brenda Song set to star in Spielberg lesbain epic love story
Teen queens, Kristen Stewart and Brenda Song are set to star in an upcoming Steven Spielberg-directed film, ''I love you, Mary''. Kristen plays a one of the female lead roles, Hannah Burton. The character is reportedly a lesbian and there is supp...
Read full storyTwin Separation Scheme Could Become Law
A controversial new scheme could see all twins separated at birth so that comparative psychological testing can become more accurate. The idea is being championed by Dr George Mentalyst, head of the Government's Psychology Think Tank. Twins are o...
Read full storyMP Claims Purchase of Small Island on Expenses
Whitehall, London - An unnamed and unshamed MP has been caught by the government watchdog Evil Politicians We Hate You (EPWHU) trying to claim the purchase of a small island in the Carribean on his expenses. The MP claims it is all above board. T...
Read full storyKatie and Peter to sell divorce photos to magazine
Exchange and Mart have come out as the clear bidders in the socialite war to cover the divorce of Katie Price from Peter Andre after three plus years of sharing exotic holidays, appearing lovey-dovey on talk shows and showing off their respective tra...
Read full storyO.J., Others Join Bristol Palin On Speaking To Youth Tour
There are plenty of celebrities and politicians who make bad decisions as parents but take a public position that they are actually role models. The latest and perhaps most unfortunate example is Bristol Palin but what joker came up with this plan to...
Read full storyKatie & Peter: the real reason they broke up - Penelope Cruz spills the beans
Malaga, Spain - Once again I have been called to Spain for an exclusive interview with Penelope Cruz to discuss her knowledge on the very recent Katie Price/Peter Andre Split. "Well it's like this…." Said Cruz with a pout "Jordan is a fat whinging...
Read full storyRestricting Bordon Grown
The town of Bordon in Hampshire has something to be proud of - especially with some local families who are proud to have been born and bred in the town for several generations even though it is a relatively new town. For many years some have said...
Read full storyGovernment Buys Used Wall
The Government today announced the purchase of a second hand wall from a city in Germany. In an official statement the reasons for the purchase were stated that the wall was no longer needed in Berlin so it was going cheap; recycling is all the rage...
Read full storyMP Fills Second Trough at the Taxpayer's Expense
Backbench Conservative MP Monty Bedwetter has admitted today that he has claimed for the refilling of a trough in London, when he actually keeps his snout in an even larger trough in Suffolk. Using the lax expenses controls to his advantage, he su...
Read full storySir Fred to the rescue
Sir Fred Goodwin, the former boss of the wheezing and coughing banking giant, Royal Bank of Scotland, has leapt to the defence of MP's who are coming under scrutiny for their excessive expenses claims. Speaking via satelite phone from his personal...
Read full storyA happy ending to the MP's expenses row
The husband of Home Secretary Jaquie Smith, is trying alternative therapies in a desperate bid to break his addiction to watching porn at the taxpayers expense. Apparently, he has been seen making frequent visits to the Ho Li Titwank oriental mass...
Read full storyMore Q&A : For Gerry Adams M.P.
Why are you a British MP? Because of the free flats, free phones, free flights, and don't mention Free Derry, please Why is an avowed enemy of the United Kingdom accepting over £800,000 of its money, and living in a flat in the United Kingdom? Because the repressed people of Ireland need someone in England to represent their needs. Even though I never set foot in Parliament to represent t...
Read full storyKatie and Peter split
A major editorial in the Cheam Courier has explained the split between Katie and Peter in more detail. It would seem that Katie and Peter Smith had gone to their local gastropub for Sunday night dinner. Peter ordered a chilli con carne and was und...
Read full storyHorror Of All Horrors - Tevez To Join Liverpool?
Manchester United fans awoke to a living nightmare this morning when it was announced that Argentinian striker Carlos Tevez rather fancies joining Liverpool. Tevez has been publicly unhappy about his limited appearances for United, despite doing a...
Read full storyGovernment Ministers Outrageous Claims Scandal
There is anger and outrage across the country over astonishing claims made by Government ministers. The finger pointing starts right at the top with Prime Minister Gordon Brown claiming not only for an end to boom and bust but also that he saved t...
Read full story'Do Nothing Dave' Lost For Words Again
Whitehall - As the row over MP's expenses rumbles inexorably on, diehard Conservatives, caught like rabbits in a spotlight following damning revelations have been increasingly looking to the party leadership for, well, for leadership. It has not b...
Read full storyStephen King To Act As Creative Director On Spoof Star Trek Collaboration
Bangor, Maine - Best-selling author Stephen King is the latest big name to be drafted into the Spoof coalition of writers tasked with producing BuckwheatsButt's Star Trek Spoof extravaganza, championed by the legendary Jalapenoman. King, who has b...
Read full storyMP claimed £55,000,000 golden throne on expenses
A throne made of solid gold costing 55 MILLION was claimed on expenses by Conservative MP Douglas Hogg, it was revealed by the Telegraph last night. Angry taxpayers and members of Hogg's constituency immediately jammed the switchboard of his luxur...
Read full storyAlan Shearer Has Orgasm On Touchline
There were scenes of limitless joy at St James Park last night, as Newcastle United emerged victorious from their northeast derby battle with fellow strugglers Middlesbrough, ever-so-slightly easing their relegation woes with 3 much-needed points.
Read full storyJordan And Katie Price To Divorce
There was no shock or astonishment yesterday, when it was announced that well-known author, Katie Price, and Jordan, the celebrity TV model with big tits, are to divorce. The news came as no surprise to those in the media. Jordan told reporters...
Read full storyPope Asks Israel to Forgive Pius XII' s Preoccupation with "Some Unknown Issue"
For the first time in Vatican history, a Pope has apologized to Israel for Pope Pius XII's inexplicable silence during the slaughter of six million Jews. Early on in the trip, benedict did deliver the wilted flowers meant for the innocent victims...
Read full storyTory Tyrant Cameron Whips Backbenchers' Backsides
When Loyalist leader David Cameron got a gander of the list of Tory charges on Guv accounts, he threatened to reopen the Tower of London and dust of the Iron Maiden, the infamous " dish rack" and the dreaded " easy chair". British conservatives have...
Read full storyFr Cuti'e Has a Cutie Pie
Religious star of altar, pulpit and TV screen, Fr Cuti'e has been called Padre Oprah as he has charmed the rosary beads out of the hands of devout catholics throughout Latin America. Handsome as Fernando Llamas and as charismatic as Elmer Gantry,...
Read full storyMajor Antonius Julius Argus Xerxes Part-3
Antonius Julius would spread his eating cloth on the flat nose of the boulder, keep turning until the edges would stay parallel to the straight edges of the boulder. Next, he would arranged his lunch: one bowl of thick whole milk yogurt, one small bowl of raison, a chunk of Major-Antonius-Julius-Argus-Xerxes white cheese, five shelled walnuts and his drinking glass plus a spoon and a cloth napkin.
Read full storyVan Gogh Discovered in Cincinnati
Cincinnati- Art critics are astir with the apparent discovery of a Vincent Van Gogh in the basement of a local house. Nobody was more surprised than the homeowner, Joel Rempel of Watterton Heights, to discover he was the owner of a painting by the Du...
Read full story