Restricting Bordon Grown

Funny story written by Kidney Stone

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

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The town of Bordon in Hampshire has something to be proud of - especially with some local families who are proud to have been born and bred in the town for several generations even though it is a relatively new town.

For many years some have said that they are proud to be "Bordon Grown", but the local council is becoming increasingly concerned over the natives of the town stating this because it is both an anagram and spoonerism of the name of the prime minister and they don't want visitors to think that people are claiming that they are proud to be "Gordon Brown" which some have said when they got tongue-tied.

One councillor Ivor Biggy said that there is nothing wrong with rearranging the letters of the name of an MP such as Virginia Bottomley being I'm an evil Tory bigot, but to sound like they are rejoicing in being Gordon Brown is not good for the health of the residents and this is a plan of action to help prevent brainwashing visitors. With Bordon becoming more of a visitor attraction and a general election getting ever closer, it is a precautionary measure to stop the wrong message from being sent across. Therefore they were thinking to outlaw the term Bordon Grown until after the general election.

However, specialists at the Bordon Earth Research Institute (BERI) have said that words play an important role in sending messages over subconsciously and the most gullible people to be brainwashed by these kind of messages are Labour supporters, but as they have already been brainwashed there is no additional risk to the health of the nation in general worthy of the need to quarantine the natives of the town. It may influence a few naive Tory or Liberal Democrat voters but having chosen not to go along the Labour line they will probably be able to resist the influence of this message.

Leading psychologist Brian Sturgeon said that they were absorbing the information and taking this tissue seriously. They want to reassure members of the public both local and visitors to the town that there was no risk to individuals of sound mind and that the local residents had something to be proud of and wanted to show it. With this news likely to make the headlines on an internet site somewhere in the world it will bring humour to most, so in this case it will be good medicine.

One local resident Peter Fields who was brought up in the town said, "I am Bordon grown and proud of it. Bordon needs to be recognised for what it has and the people are generally much friendlier and more helpful than in other southern communities."

There are also messages stating this all over the place, from the local community groups to even being included on letter headed paper and watermarks on documents with official company business.

So come on all you Bordonians, let us hear you say that you are proud to be Bordon Grown. It will be good medicine for all of us.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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