Obama - "Scotland's For Me!"
Following last weeks state visit to Scotland President Obama has renewed America's special relationship with Scotland by vowing to pay more for Scottish oil and gas than England and Wales do! In addition Obama has reinforced his support for the SN...
Read full storyCorrupt CEO's Have Citizenship Revoked- Now Are 'Men Without A Country'.
The United States Government has started a unique new policy of retracting the citizenship of Corporate CEO's and executives who believe they are above the law of the country. This has made an entire upper echelon of American business essentially 'me...
Read full storyMichelle Already Shopping for Queen's Gifts for Historic April 1 Audience at Buckingham Palace!
Washington,DC/ Shopping News - Michelle Obama didn't waste any time in preparing for the Obamas' audience with Queen Elizabeth, scheduled for April 1 at Buckingham Palace, in conjunction with the G20 meeting discussing the world's dysfunction. Ob...
Read full storyCeleb Chef: Is This The End?
Following another outbreak of food poisoning at his restaurant, TV celebrity chef Harry Bummitall is facing potential ruin. His restaurant 'The Fat F*ck' has had its reputation destroyed. Well, once its menu was published it was all over. Bummital...
Read full storyNow end of our world is 'nigh'
Scientists have claimed the end of the world is now nigh. The University of The Sunshine State department of water polo and environmental studies has forecast a soon end to all life on Earth. "Our nighness index is now showing a record seasonal...
Read full storyObama is "the antichrist"
Mobile, Alabama. Soccer Mom Sue Perstitoustwit is the kind of woman who would normally take her kids to school and do the housework while waiting for her redneck husband to come home. But last month she decided to start a campaign to oust the "antich...
Read full storyDarling to pocket £1.7m from quantitative easing pot
Alistair Darling will personally receive £1.69 million from the Bank of England's quantitative easing slush money pot. After it was announced the Bank of England would create £75 billion worth of funds from thin air and the Treasury cleared a tota...
Read full storyInnovations Catalogue Item No 7
Are you ever lost for words? Do you ever wish you could express your true feelings better? Good news! With the handy personal mime you will never fail to communicate again. The personal mime goes with you everywhere and will translate your feelings to all those around. Want to tell someone you love them? The mime will do it for you. They just need a spare couple of hours in order to hear i...
Read full storyBullshit! Britain's last natural energy resource to be harnessed.
Consternation among some Labour MP's today as the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, finally agreed to go ahead with controversial plans to harness the UK's last great, natural energy resource; Labour party founders and democratic socialists "spinning in...
Read full storyDaylight Savings Time
How do you find more time ladies? Since we will all be setting out clocks ahead an hour this Saturday I was trying to think of was to find more time because we will be losing a whole hour. I can't afford to lose a minute of the day let alone an hour so here are my suggestions. 1. No showers..that saves at least 20 minutes in a day. 2. Sex.. well have it but make it fast..most men will love...
Read full storyConstruction Firms Data Protection Gaff
UK construction firms have been accused of obtaining personal data about their employees. In a move condemned by trade unions firms have been able to check to see if prospective employees have any union experience. Stan Northener, union executive mem...
Read full storyObama Introduces "Auto-Erotic" Tax At White House Health Forum
(Washington, D.C.) It was an overlooked agenda item at the White House Forum on Health Reform Thursday, but it is one in which President Obama and his Director of Domestic Policy Council, Melody Barnes, are placing a good deal of weight. It is an "au...
Read full storyM25 Congestion Charge
Users of the M25 Motorway will be charged a congestion charge from August in an attempt to improve the traffic flow. The government is introducing the scheme as an alternative to expensive widening plans, and expects the scheme to raise approximatel...
Read full storyEx-wrestler bodyslams OAP
A former wrestler has bodyslammed an oap in an incident described as 'nightmarish' by witnesses. Mick McManus, former pro-wrestler, nightclub bouncer and florist, is accused of slamming into the oap again and again 'like a wild animal' said one pa...
Read full storyParis Hilton Appointed to New Cabinet Position
(Washington, D.C.) In an effort to improve America's image abroad, President elect Barack Obama announced today that he will appoint Paris Hilton to the newly formed cabinet position of Secretary of the Exterior. Obama stated that Ms. Hilton's res...
Read full storyCowboys Terrell Owens (Tossed Out)
DALLAS - In a move that shocked not only Dallas Cowboy fans but NFL fans throughout the league The Dallas Cowboys have released wide receiver Terrell Owens. When informed of the move Owens replied that there had to be some mistake and he was sure...
Read full storyIntroducing: Butt Bud
iPod users have been known to complain about the sound quality of their 'ear bud' earphones, but don't think for a minute that the manufacturers have been resting on their laurels. "Actually we've been experimenting on them!" Jokes Peter "Thump" E...
Read full storySinger Faces Assault Charge
One of the nations leading singing stars is facing an assault charge. Whiny Shithouse has been accused of assaulting Berkley's Balls last September. It is yet another scandal in a far from trouble-free life for Shithouse. She is in the process of...
Read full storyDrag Queen Boobs. Knickers To Your Scare
A drag queen's plans to gain revenge upon a popular high street stationers and newsagents ended in shame at Swindon Assizes today. Fanny Clitoris, well known entertainer in the Swindon region and rumoured to be 'big in Bristol' is believed to have m...
Read full storyUS London ambassadorial residency repossessed in sub-prime mortgage fiasco
Regent's Park - (Enron Fallout Mess:): President Obama's April 1st London visit has been jinxed by the news today that theR egent's Park ambassadorial residency has been repossessed in yet another a sub-prime mortgage fiasco. The Obamas will now b...
Read full storyWacko-Jacko holed up in Swiss AIDS clinic as new tribute act lords it over fans
Millenium Drone, London - (WTF? Mess): Comeback concert? WHAT comeback concert? That is the UK music industry's official view amid reports thae Yoko Ono/George W Bush chimaera-cum-official Michael Jackson impersonator remains holed up in a Zurich...
Read full storySarah Palin Too Pretty To Run?
Is Sarah Palin too pretty to run? This the question being asked and so far it seems when Democrats are asked they break out in hysterical laughter Republicans just get a glazed over look in their eyes and start crying. I contacted John McCain and...
Read full storyObama is actually Osama
As president Obama pledged to strengthen the special relationship with Britain today as he backed Gordon Brown's calls for international action to stimulate the world economy and clean up the banking system. He accidentally dropped his wallet on the...
Read full storyBush/Blair dictatorship 'the ultimate Ponzi scam'
UN HQ, NYC - (Whodahelldoweblameforthisfrickin'mess? Mess): The Bush/Blair global economy years were named at an emergency UN Security Council session as the ultimate Ponzi scam. The Council was shown NATO transcripts of Hellfire Club/American Bo...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse Charged With Assault
Just back from a two-month Caribbean vacation, singer Amy Winehouse is due in court for an alleged attack on a fellow guest at a party last year. The retro-soul singer was charged with assault Thursday for allegedly attacking a fan at an end-of-summe...
Read full storyFears Grow For Politician's Partner
Fears that Lord Mandy's partner, Ronaldo, may be suffering from a mystery virus grew today. Lord Mandy appeared for an official engagement covered in a green substance. People immediately wondered if the source of this green substance could be Ronald...
Read full storyMichelle Cleans House: Everything Must Go In Order to Prepare for Black History Tribute Month!
Washington,DC/ Covering the Upside Down Administration - In a week when Hollywood actor Brad Pitt received a warmer welcome than British PM Gordon Brown, Michelle Obama continues to clean house and decorate the White House in her own distorted image.
Read full storyTom Brady On HBO's Entourage
Tom Brady may be completely healed from last season's football injury. Not only has he just become a husband to Gisele Bündchen, but he's also about to become a member of an entirely different union as well. The handsome football star is set to...
Read full storyAlamo to be given Holywood treatment
On one hundred and seventy-third anniversary of the battle for the Alamo where a couple of hundred of American cavalry soldiers were massacred by several hundred Mexicans, Hollywood is to remake the classic John Wayne western of the event in true Hol...
Read full storyTsonga calls Thatcher a 'rag doll'
French tennis superstar and professional Cassius Clay look-a-like Jo-Wilfried Tsonga caused absolutely no controversy at all yesterday when he said Carol Thatcher looked like a "scruffy rag doll". Tsonga was appearing on the unpopular French TV sh...
Read full storyOctopussy blaims Viagra for hormonal imbalance
A mother of octuplets became unhinged again last night and was rushed to local hospital and underwent surgery to remove eight Viagra tablets. The California mother of fourteen was reported as saying "Oh God, I'm going to kill myself," repeatedly o...
Read full storyHow They Work: Text Messages
They are gr8, aren't they? Well they are if you can understand them! Text messages have become a big part of modern life and an essential communications medium for teenagers. But have you ever stopped to wonder how they work? Luckily, I was recently invited to look this exact question up on Wikipedia, so I can explain the concepts. It all starts when you enter text into your mobile phone...
Read full storyMandelson Nominated for BAFTA
Business Secretary Lord Mandelson has been nominated for a BAFTA award for services to comedy, it was announced this morning. The British Academy of Film and Television Arts is to present Mandelson with a special award. He is to be honoured jointl...
Read full storyWasp funerals company goes bust
Wasp Dignity, the Buxted, Sussex company behind funerals for dead wasps, is the latest victim of the credit crunch. Says Managing Director Gordon Honeycombe; "There just isn't the demand there used to be. We were doing over 100 wasp funerals a we...
Read full storyBrown and Obama exchange gifts
Gordon Brown yesterday swapped gifts with Barak Obama as the PM prepared to fly home. In the traditional ceremony Brown gave Barak a pen with penholder made from the timbers of the last slave ship in the UK, a signed copy of Winston Churchil's au...
Read full storySearch of Fat Duck Reveals Underground Laboratory
It has emerged that a routine health and safety check at Heston Blumenthal's Fat Duck restaurant last month revealed a secret underground laboratory and gave rise to suspicions that the ginger chef, widely believed to be a genius, was planning to tak...
Read full storyAspartame approved for postnatal abortion
WASHINGTON D.C. - Scientists announced to a crowded room of reporters today that aspartame has been approved as a postnatal abortion agent, for subjects up to 24 months postpartum. The suggested dose is 25 grams (0.881849 oz) (the LDLo) repeated...
Read full storyImage of Flying Spaghetti Monster Deity Found In Plate of Spaghetti
Everyone knows about the plethora of Virgin Mary sightings in pretzels and Jesus spottings on burnt toast, but the discovery of the latest culinary relic might just take the cake. An image of the popular Flying Spaghetti Monster, worshipped by the Pa...
Read full storyParody News Site Undermining Internet Credibility
For years the internets have been the most trusted source for factual, unbiased reporting and news. This well-deserved level of public trust has been breached by a treacherous website known only as "The Funyun". This website, which relies on ridi...
Read full storyColonial Sugar Issues Declaration of Independence to Imperial Sugar
Colonial Sugar issued a declaration of independence to their Imperial Sugar Mother Company, referring to them as "tyrannical overlords." The Colonials, separated by massive distance from their Texas-based monarchs, have penned an eloquent statement o...
Read full storyBelow Decks, Chapter 2 "We'd Have Been Better Off With A Dog At The Wheel"
CHAPTER 2 We'd Have Been Better Off With A Dog At The Wheel Recap: Chapter One Before I tell you what is going on with the little cliffhanger situation we're in now (Skoob trying to steer a boat for the first time), maybe I'd better give you a little back story. My name is Hal A. Peno and I'm a CPA. Certified Public Accountant. I wanted to be on Wall Street fighting against corporate r...
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