Colonial Sugar Issues Declaration of Independence to Imperial Sugar

Funny story written by Wastro

Friday, 6 March 2009

image for Colonial Sugar Issues Declaration of Independence to Imperial Sugar

Colonial Sugar issued a declaration of independence to their Imperial Sugar Mother Company, referring to them as "tyrannical overlords." The Colonials, separated by massive distance from their Texas-based monarchs, have penned an eloquent statement of their rights.

The statement begins, "We hold these truths to be self-evident that all grains are created equal, that they are endowed by their cultivator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of sugary sweetness."

While this may be a turning point in the history of the sugar industry, many view the burgeoning sugar republic with caution. A leading expert, speaking on the condition of anonymity, expressed his concern that Colonial Sugar seems to offer the aforementioned pursuit to neither unrefined, brown sugar nor to artificial sweeteners, which have traditionally been viewed as inferior.

We can wait to see how this nascent sugar company handles the pressure of being the first colonial group to successfully rebel. Will it someday elect a member of the raw sugar minority to its CEO position or will this company forever be mired with bigotry? Only time can tell.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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