Contortionist Breaks Spine - Ambulance Summoned
Dismay today in England as www.theSpoof.com champion and legal eagle Queen Mudder almost came to grief performing a triple salko backwards forwards semi somersault with a double pike and twist, with a degree of difficulty of 786 at the World Satirica...
Read full storyRussell Brand invites Pixie Lott to Summer Solstice shag on Hampstead Heath!
London - (Horny Ass Mess): Lovelorn TV naughty-boy Russell Brand is all set to woo red-hot Number One Top-of-the-Pops sensation Pixie Lott with a romantic dawn tryst on Hampstead Heath this Sunday. A recent airport encounter with stunning eighteen...
Read full storyNASA plans nuking secret Reagan-era lunar ray gun
NASA HQ, Groom Lake, Nevada - (X-Files Mess): Officially it's Centaur rocket target practice on a particularly alien patch of the Sea of Tranquility. But NASA's proposed exploratory moon crater nuking by the unmanned robotic Lunar Crater Observati...
Read full storyOrson Welles in Alien Cover-Up
Hollywood has been stunned by allegations that Orson Welles entire movie career was a Government cover-up for 1930s alien contact. Conspiracy theorist Stephen Williams suggests that in 1938 Orson Welles was New York station SMTV's live news report...
Read full storyPresident Obama Names Michael Jackson As Czar Of The Bizarre
Michael Jackson who recently visited a cinema wearing his pyjamas last week, according to US rapper Akon, has been named by President Barack Obama as his new Czar of the Bizarre! Akon, the hip-hop star, who collaborated with Jackson on his new sin...
Read full storyTony Blair Receives Award
London, Neverland - Ex Prime Minister Tony Blair today received an award from the UN Security Council for being not quite as shit at being PM as Margaret Thatcher. "Blair wasn't great," said Limousin Stretch, of Lululand. "But Thatcher was even wo...
Read full storyNew Study: Squirrels Evolved from Bananas
Now the subject of much controversy, an unnamed scientific organization in Bern, Switzerland now claims that the common squirrel, in fact, evolved from bananas. The president of the organization, Murman Dinkles, says he wasn't surprised. "I me...
Read full storyA-Rod Finally Chimes In On The Letterman-Palin Feud
NEW YORK CITY - New York Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez, aka A-Rod has finally commented on the Letterman-Palin controversy which centered around him. A-Rod said that he first heard about all of the brouhaha when he was sitting in the dugout dur...
Read full storyMP Expenses - they CARE about us!
Our Members of Parliament have excelled themselves in their care and concern for the mental and physical wellbeing of we, the voters. In an effort to reduce the risk of stroke, coronary infarction or apoplexy in those who follow the news, they hav...
Read full storyAdam Lambert - Rick Astley In Disguise?
Ground breaking news from our Hollywood correspondent today suggests that American Idol Adam Lambert could actually be 80s Brit superstar Rick Astley in disguise. Astley and Lambert have reportedly shared characteristics, and although Lambert may...
Read full storyIRA and Protestant Militia groups join forces to rid Northern Ireland of the latest parasitical invaders, poor Rumanian Immigrants!
Sick to death of throwing bombs at each other the IRA and Protestant Paramilitary Groups have joined forces with a common strategy to eradicate everybody and everything that speaks a different language and comes from Rumania! After years of civil...
Read full storyJon of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" Dating OctuMom
LA HABRA, California - It is official 32-year-old Jon Gosselin of the reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8 has admitted that he is dating none other than OctuMom. Gosselin said that he just got fed up with the way that his wife was treating him. She...
Read full storyMadame Bitters To Stand For Erection In China
Consternation today in the USA as TheSpoof.com writer and erstwhile cake baker Madame Bitters put herself up for a big erection in China. "Yeah, I did that," Bitters told us in an unguarded moment. "But I didn't put myself up for an erection of an...
Read full storyFootball (Soccer) To Die Out As A Sport Within 2 Years
Harvard professor Gene Genepool today announced that the multi-billion dollar sport of soccer, slavishly followed by billions of people all over the world will die out as a spectator sport within the next two years. Professor Genepool told us that...
Read full storyPETA Pickets Barney Frank's Office Over Alleged Gerbil Abuse!
Washington,DC/ Rodent Rage Supplement - Enraged left wing PETA Picketers surrounded the Washington Office of House Banking Chairman Barney Frank over rumors of Personal Gerbil Abuse to Enhance the Democrat's personal Stimulus Package. A stutterin...
Read full storyCat found alive after month in metal box: was Schrödinger wrong?
A cat has been found alive after being locked for over a month in a metal container. He was discovered by an electrician and reunited with his owner, who had almost given up hope of ever seeing him again. His owner was amazed to find he was alive...
Read full storyRoofarians Disease - Is TV Talk Show Host Jeremy Kyle The Latest Victim?
Just when we thought it was all over, Roofarians disease has raised it's ugly head again. The disease, which principally affects criminally inclined people who strip lead off church roofs by permeating the soles of their shoes and turning their feet...
Read full storySpoofer formerly known as Man with Largest Penis Deboned by Cyber Stalker!
Cyber Space News - Bargis Tryrol, the creation of Grand Spoofer Buckwheat, and formerly known as The Man with the World's Largest Penis, has been cut down to size after an ill fated personal meeting arranged on the internet with a serial Deboner an...
Read full storyMexico busts 20 loan sharks as tonne of cocaine seized
Yucatan - (Toxic Money Laundering Ass Mess): Mexico's naval drug patrols have busted twenty evil loan sharks after finding a tonne of cocaine hidden inside their bodily crevices. "Something smelled very fishy," Mexican Navy Commander Eduardo Villa...
Read full storyHRH Prince Charles wants to be the next Ayatollah of Iran
A Buckingham Palace spokesperson for the Prince of Wales, Prince Charles, has said that His Royal Highness would consider any moves by Iranian clerics to install him as the next Ayatollah (or ultimate Spiritual and Political Head) of Iran. The cr...
Read full storyMan Who Sells Sputum For Conversion To Biofuel Charged
Blackpool, UK - A man who sells sputum for the purposes of conversion to biofuel has been charged with improper storage of a noxious substance. The man, 52 year-old Clayton Sproule of Blackpool, has pleaded no contest on this offence but not guilty o...
Read full storyMatrix Revolutions to be rewritten
The Wachowski brothers have acknowledged that Matrix Revolutions has completely destroyed the credibility of the first two films. However, they had been unable to invent a way of rescuing the series in such a way that it enabled the hard core Matr...
Read full storyHillary Clinton's Elbow Boo-Boo
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Secretary of State Hillary Clinton fell and fractured her right elbow while playing tennis with Queen Elizabeth of England at a local YMCA. With Clinton trailing the queen she lunged to get a line shot and twisted her elbalistic...
Read full storyTerminator - The final chapter
After the massive multi-billion dollar success of the four films in the Terminator Trilogy, movie bosses have been scouring the internet looking for ideas for the fifth and probably final part in the Terminator franchise. Scriptwriters and produc...
Read full storyUK press reports blame LSD as Curse of Thatcher smites Hillary
Washington AC/DC - (Arm & Kinga Legg Mess): British media reports have blamed LSD - 'Hillary Clinton Trips And Breaks Elbow!' - as a hex that felled former UK Prime Monster Margaret Thatcher last week struck again. The US Secretary of State br...
Read full storyBritney Adds Ring
Hollywood (FTB newswire) It's a marriage made under the Big Top. FTB News learned that Britney Spears and lion tamer Jason Trawic are going to quit clowning around and tie the knot. After a series of underwear-less romps the singer has decided to ad...
Read full storyDavid Letterman Suffering From Terminal Adolescence - Rushed To Hospital
New York, NY - Talk show host, David Letterman, was rushed to Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York city this morning after he began having seizures and blackouts. Preliminary reports suggest he may be enduring a case of 'Terminal Adolescence'. Dr. Maur...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Fights Back!
Hollywood reporters in New York City reported Tuesday that Robert Pattinson was caught on camera with several bruises on his face that are supposed to be a special make-up job for his new movie, "Remember Me". However, some are now asking if the m...
Read full storyBlogger Revealed To Be Bin Laden - Noose Tightens
In a dramatic CIA press release this morning, it was announced that an internet blogger who goes by the name of Twotowers is believed to be Osama Bin Laden. Using high-tech search and locate technology the CIA announced that they had located a blo...
Read full storySon Of Murdered Fly Gets Revenge On Obama
The son of a fly, cruelly swatted by US President Barack Obama during a TV interview, today extracted vengeance, according to the fly. In a carefully guarded statement, the fly revealed its revulsion at the President's casual murder of it's father...
Read full storySusan Boyle Has Criminal Record
Police today raided the home of Britain's Got Talent's fragile superstar Susan Boyle in Blackburn, Scotland, not the scabby one in Lancashire with a crap football team. In a dramatic dawn raid, a police officer emerged to inform waiting paparazzi...
Read full story'Tomb of The Unknown Fly' To Be Erected by Obama, PETA
Arlington, Va - In a measure to deflect an increasing backlash from animal rights groups and republicans regarding President Obama's fly swatting incident, the White House announced today that it will seak to erect a new monument to adorn Arlington C...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Sues Artist After He Tattoos Her Butt With Big Three Car Logos
Hollywood - Actress Lindsay Lohan is suing Romanian born tatoo artist Rudescam Butucelea after he tattooed her bottom with the logos of the big three automakers, General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler. Lindsay Lohan's representative is adamant that th...
Read full storyArlene Phillips replaced by Stavros Flatley on Strictly Come Dancing
The BBC has refused to confirm press reports that Strictly Come Dancing judge Arlene Phillips is to be replaced by father and son dance duo Stavros Flatley. Stavros Flatley were a massive hit on ITV's Britain's Got Talent show a few weeks ago, and...
Read full storyAhmadinejad wins Iran's tallest man competition
It has been a busy week for Mr Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who has just claimed first prize in the annual Iran's tallest man competition. The lanky leader who officially measured in at 7 foot 6 said he was "Over the moon with the result". He then joked t...
Read full storyGranny's Upset About Fake "Granny's Gone Wild" Cameramen
"I hope I can get a-hold of that old fart's nuggets sometimes, I'd make his eyeballs pop out of his head a lot more than they did when he took all those films of us." This was stated by a Mrs. X, a 63-year old Granny who does not want to be identified after two 50-Plus year old men claimed they were doing a movie called "Granny's Gone Wild!" "Elinor...uh, Ms. XX first told me about it and sh...
Read full storyKerry Katona - and update and statement
Ms Katona and her Icelandic sponsors have reacted in a most uncharitable way to a recent spoof story "Is Kerry Katona Real ?" by issuing a strongly worded press statement which they have demanded be printed here. So here it is peeps: "We the proud Icelandic Nation have been shocked and dismayed at the recent unprovoked verbal attack on our National and revered heroin the gracious and mild mann...
Read full storyRacist E-mail Only Got It Half Right, Says Limbaugh
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Ever since Sherri Goforth sent an e-mail depicting President Barack Obama as a pair of eyes on a black background, most Americans presumed Rush Limbaugh would be quick to jump on the bandwagon, condemning the document as racist.
Read full storySenator John Ensign Demoted To Seaman
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Republican Senator John Ensign, 51, of Nevada has resigned his senate leadership post due to an extra-marital affair with a 26-year-old girl scout leader. The senator nicknamed Yanni since he kind of resembles the musical compos...
Read full storyPETA Very Unhappy With Obama The Fly Killer
WASHINGTON, D.C. - PETA, The People for Ethical Treatment of Animals has criticized President Obama for killing a fly that was flying around during his interview. The executive director of PETA Mimosa Ledbetter said that she was shocked as she sat...
Read full storyAlcoholics Go To War On Gays In PC Meltdown
Nashville Texas - Breaking news: the alcoholic population of the state of Texas today stood firmly behind their brothers and sisters in the state of New Mexico, who have universally condemned the teaching of sexual persuasion to their children in sta...
Read full storyChina to Workforce: "Don't Sweat It"; Promises to Lower Humidity in Country's Plethora of Sweatshops
SHANGHAI - Amidst increasing international pressure, the infallible Chinese government has vowed to remove the blood, sweat, and tears - particularly the sweat - associated with its myriad of archaic sweatshops. To achieve this, it has plans to r...
Read full storyBrian Potter In Travelling Channel World Tour TV Deal
Owner of controversial The Phoenix Club, in Bolton, Lancashire; wheelchair bound Brian Potter has reportedly signed up to an £80 million deal to present a travel show by Travelling World TV. This wouldn't be the controversial club owner's first fo...
Read full storySleeper Gays Erupt in Mass Rioting after Iran Election Buggered!
Tehran,Iran/ Backdoor Erection News - Iran erupted in FLAMING revolt after the recent Presidential election which was actually a referendum on gay and lesbian rights sponsored by GLSEN, a US activist group responsible for pushing Gay and Lesbian e...
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