Orson Welles in Alien Cover-Up

Funny story written by Stiff Writer

Thursday, 18 June 2009

image for Orson Welles in Alien Cover-Up
Is this what news reporter Orson Welles saw in 1938?

Hollywood has been stunned by allegations that Orson Welles entire movie career was a Government cover-up for 1930s alien contact.

Conspiracy theorist Stephen Williams suggests that in 1938 Orson Welles was New York station SMTV's live news reporter, and was the only journalist to witness alien landings in Central Park.

"The Government managed to suppress any reporting on this major extra-terrestrial contact event except for this one radio station," Williams explains. "They constructed this whole cover story that Welles was some kind of actor and playwright, and that his broadcast had been a radio play. I mean, have you even read War of the Worlds? Its set in England, not in the middle of New York."

Williams goes on to claim that the US Government attempted to order to add credence to their cover story by providing financial and technical assistance in the making of an Orson Welles film, Citizen Kane.

Film historian Mark Keating is initially dismissive of the claims, but concedes that it would explain some aspects of Welles' early career.

"This was the era of the studios, and Orson Welles had never made a film before, yet RCA gave him complete freedom to do whatever he wanted. Citizen Kane is full of things that no-one in Hollywood had ever done before, that they considered technically impossible."

Stephen Williams claims that the critical success of Citizen Kane was a terrible mistake. "The Government realised they had almost implicated themselves by helping out a little too much, and so after that they left Welles to do his own thing. He was never as successful again."

So if aliens really did land in New York in 1938, what happened to them? "That's simple, they got nuked" Williams claims. We point out that nuclear weapons had not yet been created in 1938. "Hadn't they?" he asks, tapping his nose.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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