Just when we thought it was all over, Roofarians disease has raised it's ugly head again. The disease, which principally affects criminally inclined people who strip lead off church roofs by permeating the soles of their shoes and turning their feet black was thought to have been eradicated by the WHO in the 1970s. However it is said to have claimed TV talk show host Jeremy Kyle as its latest victim.
Jake Cockhead, who was appearing as a guest on the show last week in a sequence entitled 'I shagged my dad's third wife and now my dad is shagging my sister and her jailbird lover' told us:
"Kyle told me to sit down because I was getting a bit agitated, then he sat down on the front of the stage and I noticed the tell tale signs of Roofarians - black ankles. I'm familiar with Roofarians because my uncle Tommy suffered something terrible from it. It was at that point that I realised Kyle was a hypocrite for lecturing me on morality. So I called him a church roof lead robbing bastard."
Cockhead, from Reading was quickly escorted off the stage by Kyle's gangster linked security men. He told us:
"I thought it was Kylie, as in Minogue that I was going to be interviewed by. Not Kyle. The robbing, thieving bastard."
A spokesman for Jeremy Kyle told us that Kyle felt that it was his duty to report social injustices in this country via his TV show, and that Kyle had never nicked lead off church roofs in times of financial hardship. The spokesman categorically denied that Kyle was suffering from Roofarians Disease.
More lead nicking lunacy as we get it.