Washington,DC/ Rodent Rage Supplement - Enraged left wing PETA Picketers surrounded the Washington Office of House Banking Chairman Barney Frank over rumors of Personal Gerbil Abuse to Enhance the Democrat's personal Stimulus Package.
A stuttering, muttering, salivating, red faced Frank emerged from his office briefly to denounce the spontaneous display and denied the claims of the protesters that he had abused the little rodents.
"Most of the rodents I mail ordered from the internet company "Uranus Novelties" arrived either dead, or close to death. Despite my best efforts at resuscitation, I was only able to save 2 over a period of 14 months, and was unable to cancel my irrevocable subscription of a gerbil a month my membership required."
Responding to protesters, Frank said he was unable to produce the two living Gerbils at the moment, but if they could come back after lunch he would be happy to show off "Tootsie Roll" and "Darkman" playing happily in their cages in his office.
"I have given both of these little rodents the best care they ever would have received, better certainly than they would have received in San Francisco, and I resent this right wing conspiracy to distort my record regarding my recent stimulus."
In a parting shot at his detractors, he yelled out, "and you all know perfectly well I wouldn't even hurt a fly....."
Most protesters immediately gathered their signs and were last seen heading off to the offal office to pick that bone with the president who most likely would be telling them to "BUZZ OFF."