A-Rod Finally Chimes In On The Letterman-Palin Feud

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 18 June 2009

image for A-Rod Finally Chimes In On The Letterman-Palin Feud
An autographed baseball bat, ball, and glove that A-Rod gave to Letterman last Christmas and that he now wants back.

NEW YORK CITY - New York Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez, aka A-Rod has finally commented on the Letterman-Palin controversy which centered around him.

A-Rod said that he first heard about all of the brouhaha when he was sitting in the dugout during a game with the New York Mets.

Yankee designated hitter Hideki Matsui asked him if he had heard what old 'Cabbage Patch Dave' (their name for Letterman) had said about him and one of Governor Palin's daughters.

When he was shown the newspaper clipping that stated that David Letterman had said that A-Rod had knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter during the seventh inning stretch he exploded.

The team batboy, Burpee Biddywick said that Alex started yelling and screaming all kinds of cuss words both in English and in Spanish. He picked up a bag of sunflower seeds and threw them across the dugout accidentally hitting catcher Jorge Posada in his Adam's apple.

Rodriguez quickly apologized to Posada and he then grabbed a bat and he told manager Joe Girardi that he was going to leave the game, hail down a taxi, and go the The Ed Sullivan Theater where Letterman tapes his show and have a little one-on-one batting practice talk with "Cabbage Patch Dave."

Girardi told Alex to calm down and that he understood how he felt but he told him that he needed for him to finish the game even though the Yankees were ahead in the bottom of the eighth 15-0.

A-Rod pleaded with him to let him go. He said that it was bad enough that he had to put up with all of the bullsh*t about him dating Madonna, such as she was old enough to be his grandmother, her social security number was 4932, and that when they went out on dates he would have to push her around in her walker.

He said that now he would have to hear bulls*it from his fellow teammates like Willow wanted to take him to her middle school's show and tell, and that he gave her an engagement iPod, and that when they go out to dinner she orders from the children's menu.

A-Rod said that Letterman had better apologize to him on his talk show or else.

When asked or else what? Alex confessed that if the man with the hairdo from hell did not apologize then he would call up The National Enquirer and sell them about 150 very explicitly graphic photos that Madonna took of Letterman and her when they secretly went to Kenya last summer.

Rodriguez said that he knows that he can easily sell the photos to The National Enquirer for at least $1 million. He said that no one except for him and Madonna have seen the pictures.

He says that the photo of Letterman French kissing and intimately fondling an adult male hippotamus are alone probably worth about $100,000.

And the photos of him being breast-fed by a 93-year-old Kenyan hutcleaning woman Pampuma Yakalati are unbelievably graphic in nature down to the cellulite on Pampuma's labia majora.

A-Rod says that if Letterman apologizes to him on the air, he will personally burn all of the Letterman-Madonna Kenyan trip photos including the one where Dave is writing the words 'Jay Leno was here' on a mature male elephant's genitalia.

In a related sports story. New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner is again contemplating moving his team. He told ESPN that the city of Yakima, Washington has expressed an interest in obtaining the Yankees. Steinbrenner says that he would like to see the team move to Yakima because of the Alliteration factor.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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