Cillit Bang! - Just Cilly!
We have all been mystified by the Cillit Bang! TV commercials. We have all asked ourselves - why do I remember the words "Cillit Bang!?" The answer has been revealed in a consumers magazine report. According to the report, normally only read by th...
Read full storyMichael Jackson is not dead after all
In a shocking revelation that has shocked the shocked world of show business, already reeling from shock, it was revealed today that Michael Jackson is not dead after all. A jubilant Michael Jackson returned to the world's stage to thank everyone...
Read full storyLeon Panetta Hires Cheney as Hit Man
Washington, DC - CIA Director, Leon Panetta, apologized profusely for outing former Vice President Dick Cheney as the mastermind behind a secret CIA initiative to capture and kill Osama bin Ladin. Cheney's reputation for being hot-headed has kept...
Read full storyMatch Wits With Inspector Manholes!
Early on a Saturday evening, Inspector Manholes sat at his residence with three of his old friends that he had known since childhood. It was 8 PM and around the table, for they were playing bridge, were, beginning from Inspector Manhole's right, Ida May Bust, the famous actress, Ada Biggun, the wife of the famous wrestler, Big Bill "The Donkey" Cliton and on the Inspector's left, Gloria Hose, t...
Read full storyIt's Official - Gordon Brown's a Tosser
After much speculation and rumour it can now be publicly announced that the British Prime Minister Gordon Brown is a Tosser. A secret ballot held over the last month found 89% of MPs voted him a "Tosser" while 4% voted "A complete Tosser" the rem...
Read full storyJackie Kennedy Bedded Rock Hudson
Just months after President John F. Kennedy was gunned down in Dallas in 1963, his widow Jackie shared one night of unbridled passion with movie star Rock Hudson. That's the shocking disclosure in a new book, "Jackie's Secrets". According to the...
Read full storyGod Declares Moratorium on Dying Famous People
In an rare prime-time statement to the masses, our Heavenly Father has declared a 3-month Moratorium on the deaths of famous people in the U.S. effective immediately. "Everything in moderation," God read in his prepared statement to the United Sta...
Read full storyHow to To Tell if Your Neighbor is an Alcoholic
I am sure we have all run across a neighbor or two in our lifetime that just could not say no to a drink. Every neighborhood has at least one "Otis" of Mayberry fame, who goes through life thinking everyone else is the one with the problem. If you think you might have a neighbor with a drinking problem, here are a few signs you can look for in determining whether or not to keep your stash of fav...
Read full storyNew Study Shows Immigration As Cause For Global Warming
As the world continues to get warmer, more and more people are finding themselves traveling deep into the south, to Antarctica that is and a new study shows that this new flux in immigration is having adverse effects on the planet. A new study by...
Read full storyBetty's Sexy Big Bang Theory
Betty Baker Barker, 39, of Danville, Texas, is charged with manslaughter after accidentally shooting her common law husband, Richard "Big Dick" Barker, 59, to death in January. "She was in love with him, and this is simply a terrible, terrible ac...
Read full storyBilly Ray Cyrus Cancels The 2009 Miley Cyrus - Amy Winehouse Tour
LOS ANGELES - Billy Ray Cyrus, father and manager of Miley Cyrus has reportedly canceled the upcoming Miley Cyrus - Amy Winehouse Tour. A spokesperson for the elder Cyrus, Levi Plymill said that Billy Ray found out that Ms. Winehouse had just gott...
Read full storyThe New Ice Age - The Great Prophet Nostradumbass
The Great Prophet Nostradumbass predicts that the new ice age will come to pass 50 years from the day of the first white Christmas in London. The planet will enter a new ice age in the future that will be a lot colder than humans of this era have ever experienced.
Read full storyWorld Government - The Great Prophet Nostradumbass
The New World Order will create a World Government within the next 15 years predicts The Great Prophet Nostradumbass. While the best hope for mankind will be a World Government the danger could be that we could end up with a fascist government if people continue to believe the lies that are manufactured by certain governments at present.
Read full storyFear of Crime Surveys Hits Record High
The fear of crime surveys has overtaken anxiety over almost all crimes a survey revealed yesterday. The publication conducted by on behalf of Catchall Incontinence Solutions and DAT Security showed that the perceived risk of being asked questions...
Read full storyPamela Anderson Rehearses "Sister Act" for their "Baywatch" Breakout Movie Cameo
Malibu, California - As the Southern California sun slowly rises and there is still a faint mist visible in the air, the shapely silhouette of Pamela Anderson can be seen jogging along the shoreline of Malibu beach. "I haven't seen her train like...
Read full storyFull Details How Michael Jackson Died Revealed
The full details of how and why Michael Jackson died have been published. The shocking report apparently contains damning evidence that will stun the World and Jacko's fans. I actually have never, not will ever be allowed to see this report due to...
Read full storyMet Office Issues Forcast U-Turn
The Met Office has issued an apology and retracted its long term forecast for the much heralded warm, dry summer, published earlier this year. The unprecedented move follows several weeks of persistently wet weather which has ruled out the possibi...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Richard Jefferson Said "No Way."
SAN ANTONIO - The newest San Antonio Spur Richard Jefferson met with San Antonio's Channel 14 sportscaster Fulano Del Sombrero and talked about his $2 million 'non-wedding.' Right off the Louisville slugger bat, Richard said that he wanted to apol...
Read full storyBruno Film Distorts Truth Says Bruno
London: Former heavyweight champion of the world contender, Frank Bruno, has lashed out at the makers of the new Sacha Baron Cohen film Bruno complaining that none of his fights are depicted in the film and that he has been misportrayed. Expecting...
Read full storyPresident Obama Changes Middle Name To Peter
In a move politicians say is designed to further the second term interest, President Barack Obama has legally changed his middle name to "Peter". "This is a brilliant move on the President's part", stated House Leader Nancy Pelosi. "He already has...
Read full storyHasbone Toys To Release Sexual Dolls For Holidays
After the overwhelming sales during last years Holidays, the Hasbone Toy Company which made a mint on their "Gotta Go Crap" dolls last December at $59.95 each. This year's new introduction will have male dolls with Boo Boo's and females with Ho-Ha...
Read full storyMan Returns Shirt - Claims He's Too Sexy For It
A local man caused a commotion at a local clothes shop today when he attempted to return a shirt he claimed he was far too 'sexy' for. The strange bald man came in to the store this morning and began ranting and raving - accompanied by his sim...
Read full storyBay City Rollers band members hopes dashed for Reunion Concert after being told that they are shit!
70's Glam rock outfit The Bay City Rollers have had to cancel rehearsals for a proposed upcoming reunion gig at the Sheffield Arena, after promoters told them that it was a shit idea. The Scottish band, who broke America with their 'stylish' tarta...
Read full storyScientists Create Sex on Legs
They've done it! For decades it has been the Holy Grail of science but a team working from a shed in the back garden of Mrs. Norma Tibbett's home in Islington has formed Sex on Legs. "We took a pair of legs from the local mannequin factory and use...
Read full storyMcDonalds ban all Campbells
McDonalds the worldwide burger chain has sensationally banned every person called Campbell from going to any of their premises. This is to do with something that happened many centuries ago in Scotland. On the 13th February 1692 The McDonalds who...
Read full storyNo News At Ten
[Cue cheap music and cheap computer graphics] 'This is the News at Ten' [Bong!] 'No news in Britain for over a month!' [Bong!] 'Complete lack of Government policies bores people to death' [Bong!] 'The Army are shamefully not defending the UK but sending soldiers to die for opium supplies in Afghanistan' [Bong!] 'And how ITN newsreaders put on nauseating smirks before reading out ano...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Hits Head, Channels FDR
Few people realize the difficulty that radio personalities have each day coming up with fresh new ideas to speak about. Hour after hour, day after day their livelihood depends upon keeping their audience tuned in. Even the big honchos like Rush Limbaugh stumble about now and then. One day his buddy Sean Hannity told Rush his on air secret, "If you hit yourself in the head with a small ball peen ha...
Read full storyACORN Adopts New Logo
ACORN, the left wing "civic organization" that helped get Barack Obama elected President of the United States through strong-arm techniques and open voter fraud, has adopted a new logo. As Obama has already referred to the group as "my brownshirts,"...
Read full storyPhiladelphia Cops Keep Forgetting About White Trash
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Several black Philadelphia police officers filed a federal lawsuit against their department Thursday, alleging the online forum used by its officers is "infested with racist, white supremacist and anti-African-American content."...
Read full storyPope breaks wrist falling over during Nazi saluting practice session
Pope Benedict XVI has suffered a fall during a session practicing Nazi salutes today in northern Italy. The Vatican said he had accidentally slipped while trying to simultaneously give the salute with his right arm and goosestep across the room in th...
Read full storySwine Flu Solution To Financial Crisis
Swine Flu is being welcomed as the perfect remedy for the global financial crisis. Sir Keith Williams, of financial services company Takezone PLC, explains how a flu pandemic could address the underlying factors that triggered the credit crunch an...
Read full storyInjured Pope Orders Those Responsible Rounded Up And Shot
Pope Benedict has caused a stir with his comments after suffering a broken wrist while holidaying in Northern Italy. "First he exploded into a string of expletives, then he started blaming the gays and the gypsies and the Jews," explains Cardinal...
Read full storyRoyal Orders Royal Policemen to Attend to His Balls
Duke of York, Prince Andrew was whacking his balls out on the green at Buckingham Palace when a squadron of Royal protection officers happened by and suggested that the once and maybe even future king may want to do his business in the privacy of his...
Read full storyGovenator Schwarzenegger Battles Giant Squid
In a scene out of Jules Verne, giant squid have been attacking divers off the coast of California. Impotent in his state's fiscal battles, the once great steroid using body builder, movie star assasin and Ravisher of Kennedy women, Arnold threw down...
Read full storyMiracle at Republican Prayer Breakfast: Glenn Beck Speaks in Unknown Tongues
Right wing, radio talk show host, Glenn Beck, became possessed by the Holy Spirit, at the Republican's National Prayer Breakfast, Friday. He levitated and spoke in tongues for nearly twenty minutes. Glossolalia, or speaking in unknown tongues, has b...
Read full story95% of Women Admit They Like to Watch Gay Guys Get it On
Sociologists have documented the Straight girl-Gay guy friendship thing as not only anecdotally true but also as a statistical reality and an excellent predictor that girls with gay guy friends will be straight and that guys who fit in as one of the...
Read full storyUSA Politicians Employ Famous Hollywood Movie Lines
Washington DC: Republican and Democratic politicians are continually trying to cram their political messages onto car bumper stickers. Now these politicians are resorting to plagiarizing famous Hollywood movie lines to make their political statements. Senator Ted Kennedy: "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn that adding catastrophic coverage to the Health Care Reform bill will bankrupt the coun...
Read full storyAl Franken's Welcome to the US Senate Briefing Leaked
Washington DC: After Al Franken's Constitutional swearing in ceremony, US Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid imparted some additional rules of the road to the new Junior Senator from Minnesota. The transcript follows. Senator Franken 2009 is your P...
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