Swine Flu Solution To Financial Crisis

Funny story written by Stiff Writer

Saturday, 18 July 2009

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Financiers Banking on Swine Flu

Swine Flu is being welcomed as the perfect remedy for the global financial crisis.

Sir Keith Williams, of financial services company Takezone PLC, explains how a flu pandemic could address the underlying factors that triggered the credit crunch and subsequent recession.

"While it may appear that a severe housing shortage and easy credit pushed up property prices to unaffordable levels triggering the financial crisis, you need to look deeper to understand the root cause. We have experienced the longest period on record without either a disease pandemic or large scale war to keep population levels in check, resulting in unsustainable demand for commodities.

"What the economy needs more than anything is a flu pandemic to wipe out many thousands of human units, thereby releasing a significant portion of existing housing stock, and reducing demand for other resources. As the elderly are likely to be particularly susceptible this should ease demand on the public purse and see a much needed correction to severely overloaded private and public pension funds."

While the Government has remained silent on the financial benefits of Swine Flu, it is significant that a stockpile of flu vaccine has already been sourced, but has not been distributed. It is believed that Chancellor Darling has requested that vaccination of the general public be subject to means testing of each individual's net contribution to public finances.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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