Jade Goody Furious With God
Jade Goody, the thing that made its name by appearing on the Channel 4 shows Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother, has told reporters that she is absolutely furious with God. Goody, who has terminal cancer, and is expected to live only a few more...
Read full storyStanford Bilked Madoff and Madoff Cheated Stanford
Federal investigatory sources indicate a Texas tycoon accused of an $8 billion investment fraud may have swindled the New York inventor of an alleged $50 billion Ponzi scheme. The sources say Allen Stanford-accused by the feds of running a "mass...
Read full story"Bikini Girl" Dating Tony Romo of The Dallas Cowboys
LOS ANGELES - Ex-Hooter's Girl and 2009 "American Idol" reject Katrina Darrell was seen at L.A.'s trendy nightclub, The Libido Lounge in the company of none other than Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. When a reporter for La Raunchy Review Mag...
Read full story'I'm only 14', Barack Obama admits
The new American President, Barack Obama, today admitted that he wasn't an adult, but was actually a 14 year-old boy. 'Yes sir, it's true', he said, 'I managed to keep the adult act up for two years, but now I'm elected I've had to go back to bein...
Read full storyEuropean leaders back grumpiness clampdown
European leaders in Berlin have agreed on the need to regulate all grumpiness, including morose dourness. German Chancellor Angela Merkel highlighted that leaders face an 'extraordinary grumpy crisis', and a 'near-suicidal moroseness, that's enoug...
Read full storyJamaica Forbids Sex, Violence, Rapes In Movies, OK If Used In Religion
Jamaican regulators say they are forbidding all explicit references to sex and violence over the airwaves because it is "troubling our youth." The new rules from the island's broadcast commission ban any song or music video that depicts sexual act...
Read full storyEx-Pres Bush Accepts Job As Hardware Store Greeter
Dallas, Texas - Ex-President George W. Bush today accepted a job offer as a greeter at Elliot's Hardware and Farm Supply Store in Dallas. Mr. Bush was "Happy and relieved" to have found employment so quickly after having ended his two term stint...
Read full storyBush Admin used Confederate bills to reimburse Pak Army $US 1.35 billion for services rendered!
CRAWFORD, TEXAS - Movers carting George and Laura Bush's household items from their Crawford, Texas ranch to their new home were shocked to discover numerous trunks dating back to the Civil War hidden in the attic. The FBI bomb squad was called in...
Read full storyBrown Boils At Sarkozy
EU unity in regulating financial markets has taken a sledgehammer to the face earlier today amidst reports of in-fighting between Nicolas Sarkozy and Gordon Brown. Brown, British Prime Minister and previously Chancellor for, well, ages, received s...
Read full storyJust for boyz2men
Rumours reach us today that "unbelievably young dad" Alfie Patten has been using Just for Men to hide the grey hair brought on by the stress of being thrust into the public eye (and not being good enough to increase the difficulty level on FIFA '08).
Read full storyBilawal Bhutto "Mr. Ten Percent Jr." to run for Treasurer post in Oxford union polls!
ISLAMABAD - A freshly-shaven and widely beaming Asif Ali Zardari hosted a dinner for the international media at one of his many sumptuous London mansions and announced: "I'm proud to say that my son Bilawal Bhutto, Pak Prez-in-training is contesting...
Read full storySmells like lean spirit
The Global Financial Crisis(tm) claimed its latest high profile victim when it was announced that New Car Smell had gone into administration. The scent had shot to fame in the late 80's when it seemed that everyone was buying new cars,and even whe...
Read full storyEnglish as spoken around the world
Examples of English from around the world. In a Bangkok temple IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN Cocktail lounge, Norway LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR Doctors office, Rome SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES...
Read full storyObamas uncle Rasmus to head Federal Bank
In what can only be described as a major surprise to Wall Street the President has appointed his Uncle Rasmus to head the Federal Bank. When questioned by Reporters regarding his Uncle's ability to deal with Financial Institutions and the major b...
Read full storyTax compensated as price of Viagra falls
Seventeen minutes ago Barack Obama's team of advisers completed their research on Internet usage. By refocussing the cameras hidden in every lap top, they have discovered that most people's primary daily exercise is masturbation while scrutinising po...
Read full storyThe Germans - Are They Getting Stroppy Again?
Westminster - Rumblings in the corridors of power today following German MEP Ludwig Von Scheissenhauser's controversial address to the European Parliament yesterday when he stated that: "Ze reason for ze economic downturn in Der Fatherland can, an...
Read full storyBarack is Black Shocker!
Astonished voters awoke this morning to an incredible revelation. News has been leaked that Barack Obama is in fact BLACK. Many of America's 'simple folk' feel duped and say that if the Obama camp had released this information previous to the ele...
Read full storyJohn Pilger learns Nottinghamese
John Pilger relaxed in his Antipodean sauna in Victoria reading his Daily Spoof, and came across the article "UN selects Nottinghamese as new world dialect". Nottinghamese In a serious effort to keep up to date, he wrote a story entitled "The P...
Read full storyCelebrity discovers pot plants having intercourse
In a titanic effort to write a popular story, the infamous Queen Mary Jane Screws analysed the statistics and discovered that people's minds are occupied with celebrities, sex, and pot. She therefore resolved to research and report on the real truth...
Read full storyPorkers Produce Pizza Profits
Pizza companies in the UK have recorded an impressive profit despite the ongoing 'crunch'. The downturn in the economy has meant that people are eating out less and deciding to stay in and chow down on fat covered dough instead. A noted scienti...
Read full storyNYC Police Arrest Naked Gyrating Man
Police in New York City got to the bottom of several 9-1-1 calls about a man running "wildly" near East Jersey Avenue and Jefferson Street, minus his clothes and carrying a huge sausage believed to have been stolen. The incident revealed itself wh...
Read full storyJapanese Woman Mistakenly Pregnant With Fertilized Monkey Egg
A Japanese woman was likely impregnated with the fertilized egg of an orangutan by accident during an in vitro procedure last year, hospital officials said Thursday. The woman, who is in her 20s, aborted the pregnancy when she was told of the pote...
Read full storyPolitically correct language is environmentally destructive
Due to a spate of boring publicity regarding Prince Harry, Carol Thatcher, Jonathon Ross and others using racist language, British journalists have declared their reticence to quote celebrities. The British Legion Of Writers Just Out of Brighton (...
Read full storyPanhandlers Struggle in Recession; Obama Blamed
(Bloomfield Hills, MI) -- From Cincinnati streets to Talalhassee thoroughares, panhandlers like "Fred" from Detroit are struggling to survive during the country's recession. A former Ford assembly worker-turned-panhandler, Fred's income has fallen...
Read full storyAcademy Awards Cutbacks - Ker-Ching Bling Bling. Not.
Everybody's cutting back these days as recession bites deep and hard, even Hollywoodland is cutting back. An industry mole told us that: "This year there won't be smoked salmon and caviar canapes. The stars of the silver screen will be tucking int...
Read full storyADHD condition cured for British children
Children with severe ADHD have been cured in the world's first successful treatment for the potentially irritating disorder, doctors have announced. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) refer to a ra...
Read full storyOsama Plans to Take Over the World: Study Report
World's most wanted terrorist, Osama Bin Laden has plans to conquer and take over the whole world by using nuclear weapons to blackmail the world into handing him the reigns of the entire globe, according to western experts who studied extensively th...
Read full storyDo YOU Have An Accent? Man With Accent Misunderstood In The Midlands
Bewilderment ensued today when a man with a distinct Manchester lilt in his voice walked into a pub in Sedgely, West Midlands and ordered a "pint of lager and a coke." "Half a bitter and a what?" the barmaid responded with a deep frown. "A pint...
Read full storyBelgium votes in vegetable
2009 is proving to be the year of the minority. Barack Obama became the first black man to rule the US, and Iceland appointed the world's first openly gay head of state. Now many countries are racing to see who can claim other "firsts". In Belgian...
Read full storyHull City Midfielder Jimmy Bullard To Become New Six Million Dollar Man
Hull City midfielder Jimmy Bullard, out for the rest of the season after an operation to repair a torn cartilage, is to undergo bionic surgery of the kind given to the legendary 1970s TV cult hero Steve Austin in the Six Million Dollar Man. Bullar...
Read full storyJade Goody Planning Charity 'Kojak' Turn
Jade Goody, the nation's favourite cancer sufferer, is today being linked with a special TV appearance which will see her take part in an annual charity appeal by taking on the role of bald 1970s cop, Theo Kojak. Kojak, who was played by Telly Sav...
Read full story"OctuMom" Admits She Has Never Had Sex
BELLFLOWER, California - The 33-year-old mother of octuplets and six other children has admitted to Katie Couric that she has never had sex. In an exclusive interview mom said that yes, she is technically a virgin, since all of her 14 children wer...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Hired As A Hardware Store Greeter
DALLAS - President George W. Bush has just been hired by Buck & Huck's Hardware Store in Dallas to be the store's official greeter. Bush will work a 40-hour week and make $9.50 an hour. Store co-owner Buck Bottomgarden said that Bush will not...
Read full story"Octuplet's Mom's" Sperm Donor Comes Out Of Hiding
BELLFLOWER, California - The man responsible for donating the sperm that created eight babies has finally come forward. David Solomon, (aka The Sperm Donor) told a reporter for CNN that the reason he had not come out before is because he suffers f...
Read full storyJack Nicholson Sits in For Ailing Presidential Spokesman Gibbs: Shit Hits the Fan!
Washington,DC/ Meet the Press and Die Laughing! - The air turned blue today as Hollywood Icon Jack Nicholson filled in for Obama Press Secretary Robert Gibbs who was having a panic attack, as well as suffering from a severe case of diarrhea, and fac...
Read full storyWhite House Answers Questions With Insults, Ridicule
Washington, D.C. - In a press conference called today at the White House Robert Gibbs, President Obama's spokesperson answered most, if not all queries with insults and ridicule, confusing and enraging an already befuddled press corp with what a...
Read full story