Osama Plans to Take Over the World: Study Report

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Sunday, 22 February 2009


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World's most wanted terrorist, Osama Bin Laden has plans to conquer and take over the whole world by using nuclear weapons to blackmail the world into handing him the reigns of the entire globe, according to western experts who studied extensively the mental make up of world's leading fictional super-villains in their effort to understand the ultimate goal of Bin Laden.

According to a report published in UK's Guardian newspaper, Osama Bin Laden has drawn up elaborate plans to steal nuclear weapons, in case he hasn't already stolen or brought them from Pakistani, Chinese, Ukrainian or Russian rogue scientists, and will use them to target world's most populous cities like New York, San Fransisco, London or Mumbai. The chilling report concludes that Bin Laden will ultimately use the atmosphere of horror, fear and panic created by the deaths of millions in the nuclear attacks to blackmail all the leaders of the world to relinquish their control over their nations.

"We have studied extensively the minds of all comic-book evil supervillains and discovered that Osama Bin Laden satisfies all the criteria that go into the making of a legendary supervillain. Like every comic-book supervillain, Laden defies Murphy's, Newton's and many other well-established scientific laws and defies being caught despite his location being well known to intelligence agencies. Similarly like most of evil geniuses, he refuses to die despite being old, crippled (kidney malfunction) and living on dialysis treatment." said Radolph Gillespie, Professor of Psychology & Modern Mythology at University College Los Angeles, who led the study to discover the depths of Bin Laden's evil.

"According to our psychoanalysis of fictional supervillains, they are never motivated purely by ideology and their ultimate aim is always to achieve absolute power over all life on earth. Supervillains aspire world domination or universal leadership and use ideology only as a ruse to hide their evil intentions of achieving world supremacy. Being evil geniuses, they also like to show-off their extraordinary ingeniousness by designing almost impossible, complex schemes to terrorize the world through which they wish to convey the implicit message that resistance against them is futile." said John Ageold, professor of geopolitics and co-member of the study team.

"By launching audacious attacks on WTC towers, Bin Laden had displayed his genius and proved that he was not just an ordinary terrorist, but a mastermind of the highest order. Now by continuing to resist being caught by American, Pakistani forces, CIA or FBI for over a decade he has laid to rest any doubts that he is a mere mortal subjected to decay and death. We are convinced that Bin Laden is closest we have to a comic-book evil supervillain." said John Ageold.

According to the two professors, the clincher is the appointment of Barack Obama as the President of United States. "It cannot be just a happy coincidence that both Obama & Osama have similar sounding names. My study of Jungian synchronicities indicates that when history throws up such abnormal coincidences, it has deeper meaning, an underlying pattern, a conceptual framework that defines the relation between the two coincidental events or as is in this case, the similar sounding names of two important characters at opposite ends of the spectrum. These two characters - Osama & Obama - are opposite archetypes of the eternal battle between good and evil." said Gillespie.

Gillespie further explained the concept."The emergence of Obama as a messianic savior figure, his universal appeal cutting across nationalities and differences of race and color, his sex-appeal, his cult-like stature as a world leader, all point towards him emerging as a classical superhero, the mythical larger-than-life protagonist of a supervillain. The rise of Obama on the world stage fills the void created by the supervillainish Bin Laden who needed a superhero to complement and complete him."

"This would also explain why Osama has failed to attack America again despite rumors that he had already smuggled nukes into the U.S. A supervillian is an egoistical character who desires a good challenge from an equally mighty opponent and would rather wait for the superhero to emerge before delivering his final blow to humanity. Unfortunately for Osama, George W Bush through his military misadventures, his comical verbal gaffes and economic mismanagement, emerged in popular consciousness as more of a foolish supervillain than a superhero. Now with Obama at the helm ascending as a heroic world leader and savior, Osama has the motivation to launch an all-out attack on humanity in a full-scale effort to take over the leadership of the world."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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