The new American President, Barack Obama, today admitted that he wasn't an adult, but was actually a 14 year-old boy.
'Yes sir, it's true', he said, 'I managed to keep the adult act up for two years, but now I'm elected I've had to go back to being 14. I smile and I'm polite and I wash my hands, but I know nothing about the world outside of my house. So when I make speeches I never really say anything, as I don't know what to say. Hope no-one has noticed it yet!'
And Michelle Obama also said: 'Yes, I'm really his mother, not his wife. I go with him everywhere and make sure he behaves himself and has clean shirts, and give him encouraging smiles when he fluffs his inauguration lines at school. And I stop him from playing with the wrong sort of boys, that Jeremiah Wright is a bad boy. Of course, any adult could have seen Jeremiah's a racist, idiotic, fascist bigot, but Barack's only 14 and needed his momma to show him that.'
This is not the first time a child has been elected American President, as previous Presidents George W Bush, Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter had a combined mental age of three between them, but it's the first time a President has actually admitted it.
'I admit it', President Obama admitted, 'but it's too late now, America voted for a brain-damaged baboon before me, and now it's voted for a 14 year-old infant, maybe that says a lot about Americans. Lucky China and Russia now rule the world, or you might care', but nobody cared.
'Well, it's the thought that counts', the President said, before touching up his mascara, 'and the speeches. Yes, the speeches are what makes America great, nothing else does any more. Send another wreath to that family, Jim, you know, the family of that GI who died in Afghanistan fighting for - what was he fighting for, again? Mommy?'
The United Kingdom was 406 this week.