Written by Wrenbo Trash

Sunday, 22 February 2009

Washington, D.C. - In a press conference called today at the White House Robert Gibbs, President Obama's spokesperson answered most, if not all queries with insults and ridicule, confusing and enraging an already befuddled press corp with what appeared to be nothing less than juvenile behavior.

When New York Times reporter Iva Bigun asked how long the troop surge in Afghanistan was expected to last he was met with the answer "As long as it takes to kick their camel-loving asses, you jaggoff." When Bigun demanded an explanation for the jibe he was rewarded with Gibbs' bare ass hoisted up to the microphone, and then Gibbs proceeded to flatulate loudly into the mike, prompting giggles and stifled laughter from behind the stage.

Hugo Jumpovakliv of the Cleveland Plain dealer was replied to with a loogie in his eye when he asked about the Obama Administration's lack of interest in the unsettled Palestinian - Israeli conflict in the Middle East.

ABC's Enos Burns' query in regard to where several hundred million dollars of the bailout money went was responded to with several derogatory remarks about his ethnic background, and a series of accusations concerning his grandmother and a blind pack-mule from Outer Mongolia.

A question about the nation's unemployment crisis from CNN's Curly Tainthare provoked what can only be described as an angry outburst, with Gibbs shouting and foaming at the mouth, yelling: "Jobs!? Why don't you get a real job and stop asking me stupid questions you whore! Jobs ain't the problem, it's lazy mother f_ckers like you is the problem!! Kiss my sweaty ass!" The tirade continued for another five to seven minutes in this fashion, with reporters from varying news agencies around the world being repeatedly berated and insulted. News staff from smaller agencies such as Rolling Stone and the San Francisco Chronicle were simply ignored until the end of the conference when people were exiting the room. At that time they were slapped in the back of the head quite hard by Secret Service personnel.

Reactions to this behavior from Gibbs was mixed. "This is pretty much what I expect every time I come here" said Linka Webbpayje of the Chicago Sun-Times. Nim Pho-Mayneak, reporter from Playboy, simply burst into tears and ran from the building when asked for her thoughts on Gibbs' behavior. There were no further press releases or other information from The White House since this morning's conference except for a mass fax sent to over seven hundred newsrooms around the country of Gibbs' genitalia pressed up against the glass of a copy machine, with the caption "This is what you should expect from now on, bitches." The image was loaded onto the White House's official website main page, replacing the previous background image of Conway Twitty at The Grand Ole' Opry.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: White House

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