Why Is Jamie Lynn Spears Crying?
Jamie Lynn Spears, son of the original thinkers, Jamie and Lynn Spears and sister to famous or infamous, according to your point of view, Britney "No Panties" Spears, has recently disclosed how she has always gotten her way, whether with her parents...
Read full storyTiger Woods Asks For Your Help!
Golfing great Tiger Woods is asking his many friends for help as he has been suffering from "Air Tulip's Disease", a disease that many older men experience, especially in the southern United States. "That's where I think I may have picked it up",...
Read full storyObama to Merge Cash-for-Clunkers and Medicare
It is every American's patriotic duty, if they are over the age of 65, an active exploiter of Medicare or any other government services, and not contributing retribution, to plan for their departure from American society. If you are over 65, a burden, you should feel duty bound. Now which of you folks here feels patriotic, raise your hand--Barack Obama Obama articulated the above statement duri...
Read full storyUgly Trees on endangered species list
The Forestry Commission has recently added the fictional Ugly tree to its list of endangered species. The Ugly Tree, which has given rise to a number of catch phrases, as well as a number of Politicians, David Mellor, and Eastender Dean Gaffney ha...
Read full storyPresident Obama and The Three Amigos Mexican Summit
GUADALAJARA, Mexico - The Mexican city of Guadalajara which is located southwest of the cities of Guanajuato and Aguascalientes played host to the most famous person in the world, no not Sacha Baron Cohen, nor Tiger Woods, nor even Miley Cyrus. Th...
Read full storyGlasgow named laziest city: Liverpool gutted
Liverpool City Council was today counting the cost of coming nowhere in the UK list of Laziest Cities. The report by Nuffield Health, a not-for-profit healthcare group, found that Glasgow was top of the list for lazy bastards around the UK and tha...
Read full storyCalifornia's Textbooks Turning "Fruity."
California, frequently at the vanguard of the left in America's endless culture wars, is now hastily beating an embarrassing retreat. The state's progressive Department of Education, once impervious to criticism from conservatives, finds itself havin...
Read full storyTorquay v Chersterfield v 'woman sitting on the bog'
BBC TV Center - (Ass Mess): A BBC TV world premiere of the epic Stanley Kubrick-directed "Woman Takes A Dump In UK Prime Time" movie was horribly interrupted on Saturday night with what has been described as totally gratuitous coverage of a Torquay...
Read full storyBarack Obama: Oil Whisperer
Barack Obama unveiled his solution to the nation's rapidly emerging energy crisis during a speech last week to potential voters and future energy savers in Missouri. A very simple revelation to solving the energy crisis, according to Obama, is:...
Read full storyMark Lester Piggott denies Paris paternity
London - (Reuterus): "Wasn't me who dunnit," the ex-champion flat racing jockey commented today, "too bleedin' saddle-sore to squeeze one out, mate." Piggott, 69, was being interviewed about reports that he is Paris Jackson's DNA father. The 20...
Read full storyCross-dressing Vatican Taliban issues fatwa on American nuns
SANCTUM SANTORUM -THE VATICAN: In a sign of creeping Talibanization the Vatican all-male, hard-line hierarchy recently began [albeit discreetly], an inquiry into the "soundness" of American nuns. Now details have emerged that the investigation i...
Read full storyEngland force rule changes ahead of 5th Ashes Test
Following the humiliating innings defeat at Headingley, the International Cricket Council have changed the rules ahead of the next test match at the Oval in 9 days time. England, who were upset due to the difficulty of the game, had written to the IC...
Read full storyCuba's Ca Ca Crisis
HAVANA, CUBA Fidel Castro's little brother, Raul, has been forced to issue an executive order commanding all patriotic Cubans to refrain from defecating for the foreseeable future due to the total depletion of all available toilet paper supplies.
Read full storyBrits piss on freedom
Its not big, it's not clever but mercy me when you've had a few its funny - British people pissing in public has been frowned upon in almost every place in the whole entire world since Britain flaked out and started giving back the Empire (what else...
Read full storySnakes on a boy?
Gang members of the world hear me now, the time to down arms has come. Drop those blades, put away the shooters and muzzle the black eyed staffys, there's a new weapon in town. Yes it seems that the street youth of today have managed to out do the...
Read full storySamantha Ronson Claims She Is The Father Of Michael Jackson's Children
LA HABRA, California - In a surprising development, Lindsay Lohan's on-again, off-again gal pal Samantha Ronson has just announced that she is the real father of Michael Jackson's three children. Ronson met Ryan Seacrest at a Dairy Queen in La Hab...
Read full storyCCTV Gone Mad!
Residents of Snoughs Head, Tenby, were amazed a fortnight ago when workers arrived to fit a state of the art C.C.T.V. system in their village - particularly as the village has less than four hundred residents and boasts one of the lowest crime figure...
Read full storyManagement lesson
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat...
Read full storyVenezuelan Troops Invade France
PARIS, France - The French National News Agency Ooh La La has reported that Venezuelan troops have landed in the English Channel town of Barfleur and have captured the city without firing a single shot. The Venezuelan troops are led by General Cor...
Read full storyNigella exploits cancer patients for what else but money
London, Monday. Celebrity chef, Nigella Lawson, has announced plans to open a chain of cancer clinics that double as four star restaurants where people can wine and dine while cancer sufferers endure the humiliation of chemo and radio-graphic treatme...
Read full storyFergie To Do Ref Course
Sir Alex Ferguson, Manager of Manchester United, is to undertake an intensive course to become a Premiership qualified referee. After the Community Shield at Wembley last Sunday, and the incidents that occured, with Chelsea's Michael Ballack clatt...
Read full storyHazel Blears Gets Reality Check
Diminutive former cabinet minister and MP for Salford, Hazel Blears, got slightly more than she bargained for when she went out and about in Salford, Greater Manchester, to woo the voters. Showing the electorate that she was 'one of the people' pl...
Read full storyOmagh bomber in charge of No 10
London - (Good Friday Agreement Mess): The Real IRA perv behind the Omagh bombing is back in business and running the country. Smug uglymug Peter Mandelson took over No 10 today, bouyed by latest counter-intelligence rebranding him as a cute and c...
Read full storyMan-flu confirmed in pigs
Farmers worldwide are "gravely concerned" after the first fatal case of man-flu in pigs was confirmed in a report, written by scientists, yesterday. The news validates the anxieties of thousands of farmers - who have reported unusual swine behavio...
Read full storyParis Hilton's new media venture ends in disaster
Paris Hilton's innovative media experiment of merging Paris Hilton and columnist Matthew Parris has ended in dismal failure. The original idea was that "Parrris" - as the merged entity came to be called - would fuse heavyweight political commentar...
Read full storyTwitter, Facebook Crashes Boost Self-Esteem Groups
The self-esteem movement got a big break recently when people could no longer twitter personal trivia to other twitterers, and Facebook subscribers could not access their accounts to see how many "friends" they had accumulated. "The loss of thes...
Read full storyNorwich City Can Still Go Up, Says Bryan Gunn
The record books flew out of the window at Carrow Road on Saturday as Norwich City, the team who graced the European football stage as recently as 17 short years ago, were handed a lesson in exquisite finishing by visitors, Colchester United, who tro...
Read full storyBargis Tryhol - Agent 004 - Chapter 11 - Bargis Goes To Blackpool
Bargis couldn't quite believe it. He'd drank too much and engaged in wanton sexual activity with all kinds of ladies from all corners of the globe in his unceasing quest to put international pain in the butt Blow-Me behind bars in Guantanamo Bay. He tried to forget about the donkey incident down in Mexico. Although sometimes it haunted his dreams. But there were worse things to contemp...
Read full storyLawsuit Aimed At Dolly Parton For Boob Attack
Everyone's sweetheart from Sevier County in east Tennessee has been charged with an eye-poking that left a man with some eye damage. Apparently, Jesse Bradshaw, size five-foot six, was attending a performance in Dollywood on a night that Dolly he...
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