Man-flu confirmed in pigs

Funny story written by Ben Ashwell

Monday, 10 August 2009

Farmers worldwide are "gravely concerned" after the first fatal case of man-flu in pigs was confirmed in a report, written by scientists, yesterday.

The news validates the anxieties of thousands of farmers - who have reported unusual swine behaviour for weeks - after a post-mortem on Percy, a three year-old swine from Shropshire, revealed a highly developed strain of the flu.

"We knew something wasn't right," said Hector Clements, who worked to save Percy in his last days. "He'd lay in one spot for hours, just screaming for attention. His behaviour was very erratic."

Farmers have reported that highly agitated male pigs have responded positively to the Top Gear theme music but concerns have been raised about the impact on mating.

"At first all the lady pigs were standing around Percy affectionately and he was very calm. I'd never seen such a popular pig," Clements said. "It was only when they lost interest that he started screaming."

Scientific debate still rages on about whether man-flu is fatal in humans and a lack of conclusive evidence either way has meant that no vaccine has ever been developed.

Dr Andy Meyers, the scientist who performed Percy's post-mortem, said, "There is no doubt that we need to develop a vaccine. The consequences of ignoring such a dangerous virus could be devastating. Imagine a world without bacon rolls and sausages."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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