HAVANA, CUBA Fidel Castro's little brother, Raul, has been forced to issue an executive order commanding all patriotic Cubans to refrain from defecating for the foreseeable future due to the total depletion of all available toilet paper supplies.
Raul Castro became Cuba's president last year due to Fidel's failing health; since he took over, Cuba's financial reserves have been depleted by increased spending for imports and reduced export income.
A representative of the communist nation's conglomerate Cimex promised, "The corporation has taken all the steps so that at the end of the year there will be an important importation of toilet paper".
Cuba both imports toilet paper and produces its own, but does not currently have enough raw materials to "make it", he said.
A recent nationwide poll revealed that ninety eight percent of Cubans believe Raul Castro is doing a "shitty job" of governing Cuba; the remaining two percent were reportedly suffering from constipation at the time of the survey.
