Written by Vance Crabb

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Plans to hold a 'Bobby Zamora Day' were halted yesterday, after it was deemed inappropriate to be celebrating during a time of economic uncertainty.

The event in honour of Fulham F.C striker Zamora, which was due to be held at the Tooting Community Centre, has often been viewed as a "vulgar display of wealth and extravagance".

The chief organiser stated yesterday "We're obviously disappointed at the news, but we understand that celebrating Bobby Zamora may not be at the forefront of people's minds at the moment."

MP for Tooting added "Bobby Zamora Day has always been known for it's pin point precision in capturing the nations mood, so on this occasion the organisers felt it best to postpone the event until more certain economic times."

Disappointment surrounding the postponement was increased when the proposed itinerary was leaked to the local media.

Bobby Zamora Day Itinerary

9.15 am - meet and greet in the lobby where light snacks and refreshments may be available. 3 Doves to be released in the foyer as a show of peace and good will to all men and to represent the 3 premiership goals Bobby Zamora has scored this season.

9.45 am - Opening seminar with former Brighton and Hove Albion manager Micky Adams. (Those who suffer from epilepsy are advised not to attend)

12.57 pm - 3 minute Awkward Silence to be observed in the Garden.

1.00 pm - Lunch served in Helder Postiga Suite. It is also advised that you use this time to settle disagreements that may have occurred from the morning seminar.

1.07 pm - Afternoon lecture on the perils of joining Tottenham Hotspur with Ramon Vega featuring a guest appearance from Glen Hoddle & Fozzy Bear.

2.00 pm - Lecture by Simon Schama on Bobby Zamora paraphernalia. TBA

2.45 pm - Bobby Zamora Renaissance Fair. A celebration of the recent revival and appreciation of Bobby Zamoran thought. (Fancy dress optional)

4.00 pm - Closing Ceremony followed by a brief 3 hour presentation film from next year's hosts the Basildon International Centre, followed by a speech from David Amess (former Conservative MP for Basildon North)

8.00 pm - Final thoughts with Sir Stanley Rous former head of FIFA (via Séance). Mulled wine and mince pies will be served (dependent on season).

8.15 pm - Goodbyes and cheery O's in the car park. It is recommended that you use this time to leave the premises.

8.40 pm - Those who failed to use the goodbyes and cheery O's as an opportunity to leave will be CS gassed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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