Lucian Freud Painting Attacks Madonna

Funny story written by Leonardo Picasso

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

image for Lucian Freud Painting Attacks Madonna
I didn't know Sigmund Freud was an artist?

Lucian Freud, one of the best known, and most successful portrait painters of the late great twentieth century when things we're simpler and dirt stayed in the gutter, is once again in the headlines.

In a recent string of young women reclining before the octogenarian painter things have heated up for both Lucian and one of his muses. In recent months, Madonna has been sitting for a portrait which some say is a radical departure from his trademark stroke.

It seems a Madonna of earlier fame has re-emerged in Lucian's most recent commission. Forgoing the big comfy couch, Madonna suggested a green vinyl couch which she fell in love with at a preview of the James Brown collection at Christie's in New York. The pop diva had the couch shipped to London, and thus began Lucian descent into his new sadomasochistic portraiture. This hardly the image a good mom would want to show to the world. Madonna claims "as a hot looking, rich and powerful woman I have to constantly work the shadow to walk in the light, the good mom always wins". Yes, M life is a bitch.

Lucian Freud in recent weeks had taken to painting with cigarettes instead of brushes, the initial results where alluring but in the end the oil and turpentine and the canvas blew up. The large canvas fell on the startled naked Madonna, and fuzed with the green vinyl couch. When the firemen arrived, they found Lucian Freud with pants blown off and Madonna in a large vinyl and oil panzarotti. With few bruises and cuts, M was released and to her bewilderment surrounded by firemen and Jay Joplin. Mr Joplin will be presenting the spontaneous work at the White Cube in August.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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