Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

image for Manchester United Bottle Gone
United's bottle - gone

There were disappointed fans at Old Trafford tonight after the Champions League quarter-final first-leg match between Manchester United and FC Porto ended in a 2-2 draw, giving the Portuguese side a distinct advantage going in to the second leg next week.

The result prompted Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez to say:

"Man Utd bottle has gone."

After their two recent losses - 4-1 at home to Liverpool, and 2-0 away to Fulham - United are certainly stumbling along, and only a last-minute strike by wonderkid Federico Macheda saved their blushes against Aston Villa on Sunday.

The Premier League title race, however, is still in the balance, and with the Merseysiders perched on the shoulders of Sir Alex Ferguson's men and ready to pounce, it certainly does look like the sphincters have started to twitch at Old Trafford.

One United supporter, Donald Skoob, told us:

"We've bottled it. Every time we go out onto the pitch, our defence are as nervous as schoolboys in a brothel. If we're not careful, we're going to throw the title away."

Even Sir Bobby Charlton was in agreement. Speaking on BBC Radio Manchester, the United legend said:

"The lads lost their shape and their bottle against Porto. They were shite."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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