Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

image for NBA Changes Rules for Playoffs
The Old Court Won't be the Same

NBA Commissioner David Stern announced yesterday that rule and format changes will be forthcoming to the upcoming playoff schedule as well as all other regular season games for 2010. Proposed changes include trampolines at the foul shooting line, 12 foot net height, and electrified three point line.

"We recognize that basketball is quickly becoming the number two or three sports/entertainment medium, but we need to take that next step to appeal to a wider audience." Stern said. "Better slam dunks and three point shots are going to get us to number one!"

Stern's proposal takes height advantage out of the game where the slam dunk can be accomplished by anyone hitting the trampoline on the way up the court. "Think about the spectacle of a two handed dunk by a short forward on a 12 foot net", Stern commented. "And imagine the penalty a player pays for stepping on the line during a three point shot. It will be great for the fans and for the game!"

One reporter asked Stern, "Don't you think James Naismith would roll over in his grave if he knew what you were doing?" Stern replied, "What does the bass player for the Monkees have to do with Basketball?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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