New Mayor Boris Scraps the Congestion Charge
New Mayor for London Boris Johnson (70) has been under heavy pressure recently to honour his promise to scrap the London congestion charge as written in his manifesto and one of the key reasons for his victory over Kenny (the Red) Livingstone. Fin...
Read full storyKatie Price Horse Couture Range Comes A Cropper
Katie Price came a cropper earlier today when shares in her clothes-horse business plummeted after several related accidents across the UK. Katie aka model Jordan unveiled her "horse couture" range earlier this week, which basically involved dress...
Read full storySol Campbell In Call For 'More Gay Footballers'
Sol Campbell, the Portsmouth defender, has said in a statement that there are far too few gay footballers, and has called upon players to support the under-represented minority by 'becoming gay'. Sol, real name Sulzeer Jeremiah, who, some claim, i...
Read full storyGovernment Introduces New Collectable Cigarette Packets
Today the "Government" has introduced collectable cigarette packets for the first time, following the success of packets with written warnings of impending doom such as, "smoking kills." The new, more colourful, packets will have pictures of cripp...
Read full storyTop London Surgeon Rescues Bart Simpson Tattoo Toddler
A top London surgeon has stepped in to rescue a toddler who has had Bart Simpson burned onto his forearm after a cheap Spanish stick-on tattoo went wrong. The toddler was allowed the stick on henna tattoo by his parents, but suffered an allergic r...
Read full storyTeflondia And Souvlakia At War
CAROTID - Barney Fyfe, Defense Minister of Teflondia, has announced that his country and Souvlakia have declared war on each other. At a press conference held here today in the capital of Teflondia, he said that troops were sent across the border to...
Read full storySarah Palin sex tape shows she dressed up as Tina Fey for Halloween
New York, New York - It is well known that Sarah Palin dressed up as Tina Fey for Halloween but until the release of the Palin sex tape on the Internet, no one knew that she would often would remain in character back home in the bedroom where she wou...
Read full storyMcCain Crashes His Campaign into a Tree
After temporarily suspending his campaign in order to address the economic crisis, McCain reportedly started it back up and promptly crashed it into a tree. "The Senator is pretty banged up," said a spokesman, "but he's resting comfortably while...
Read full storySenator Joe Biden admits to Tourette Syndrome-like disease
Perhaps to lower expectations about his performance during the upcoming October 2 debate with Sarah Palin, Senator Biden today seemed to admit to some kind of speech disability. "The world knows I have a brain sensor problem. It's a disability l...
Read full storyNewcastle: 'Toon More Important Than Long Term Financial Depression.'
To find out how the credit crunch and coming long term depression, which will consist of many of us living in cardboard boxes eating dead rats while we try to keep warm around empty oil drums filled with environmentally friendly news papers filled wi...
Read full storyDavid Tennant loses his rag
David Tennant, star of the vaguely known sci-fi show 'Doctor Who', lost his temper yesterday. The actor, 37, who was in a cafe at the time, stunned people nearby as he leapt to his feet, took a sonic screwdriver out of his pocket with a flourish...
Read full storyChinese Gold Medal Gymnasts Are Not 12-Years-Old
DONGLONG China - It is now official that the two Chinese gold medal gymnasts, He Kexin and Jiang Yuyuan, did in fact meet every olympic competition requirement in regards to age. Foo Chow Sakiyama, a reporter for Peking television station WANG ch...
Read full storyThe New Face Of Cover Girl Is...Ellen Degeneres?!
Unbelievably, Cover Girl cosmetics has selected comediene/talkshow host/boob-squeazer Ellen Degeneres as their latest spokeswoman, er, spokesperson, er, spokeswhatever. "We realised that we weren't cornering the funny, middle-aged, boyish, marr...
Read full storyBailout to Protect Middle Class
The US Senate is taking its first crack at the Wall Street bailout today. The proposal has been revised to help the middle class and is expected to pass. The biggest change is a measure that will increase the FDIC insurance limit from $100,000 to...
Read full storySarah Palin Vaginal Discharge Video Clip Clocks Up 1 Million Hits On YouTube
Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin is at the centre of US political news again, after a graphic video clip of her mopping up some vaginal discharge reached more than 1 million hits within two days of being posted on YouTube. The Alaska governor h...
Read full storySarah Palin cancels debate
Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced during a press conference today she is suspending her campaign and flying to Washington because "Washington can't get its act together" and "it's time everybody get together" to solve "that economic t...
Read full storySchool Outing Team Rescued from Dales Hellhole
Eleven people have been rescued alive after becoming trapped in a Yorkshire Dales hellhole during bad weather. Eight teenagers aged 15 from St. Sodom's School of Latter Day Pederasts in Burnley, Lancashire, were left stranded along with three teac...
Read full storyExcreted Log Carries Image of the Virgin Mary
Reports of human waste taking on the image of the Virgin Mary were rampant in one local Chicago community yesterday, as thousands gathered to pay homage at the sighting. Appearing in the ladies restroom of a South-side Chicago diner, Mrs. Joanna Wat...
Read full storyTony Blair reveals he caused global warming
In extraordinary revelations today, ex Prime Minister Tony Blair has admitted that he caused the the climactic crisis now known as climate change. With a disconsolate look of resignation, Mr Blair revealed that he bought large herd of cattle (app...
Read full storyPaulson Resigns: Lou Dobbs Takes Over
Henry Paulson resigned Wednesday as Secretary of the Treasury. President Bush appointed CNN's Lou Dobbs to replace him. Dobbs is expected to be confirmed in the Senate on Thursday. Paulson accepting responsibility for the failed bailout: "I though...
Read full storyNew Diet Miracle Flushes 20 Pounds Of Fat A Day!
Chicago Il-- A new diet drug was approved today and it is already working miracles. The drug is from Fish Pharmaceuticals and is being marketed under the name of 'Disanntry'. The new pill was approved by the Food and Drugged Administration and has th...
Read full storyCleese and Idle on Palin for V.P.
American news is big news, Obama this, Mccaine that and now Palin for vice president. So here it is, my first 'big' interview, Cleese and Idle talk openly about Palin's apoinment in possibly the biggest role Palins ever faced. I'm not too familiar with Palins early work so I hoped these two could fill me in. I saw bits of The BBC's Palins New Europe, a chance for Palin to visit Europe and find...
Read full storyCouncil Ruled by Money-Grabbing Fascist Dictators
Smegmadale Council are currently recruiting a team of ex-MI5 spooks to act as refuse compliance officers and sneak around the town's streets, peering over fences and walls, issuing fixed penalty notices and insta-fines to residents who transgress the...
Read full storyObama "Truth Squad" to Target The Spoof, Suspend Freedom of Speech!
Chicago/Sun Times - Presidential candidate Barack Hussein Obama announced today he was beefing up his attacks on critics of his campaign by hiring several members of the Iranian Secret Police to combat The Truth. Free Speech advocates in recent da...
Read full storyGlobal Bank Bailout Underway - La Rive Gauche First to be Saved
The disastrous economic meltdown started by the sub-prime lending fiasco in America has now spread globally. The United Nations Security Council has met in an emergency session at its New York headquarters and voted that all banks in the world need i...
Read full storyCameron has London on high smug alert
Residents of London woke this morning in partial darkness, as huge cloud of smug hung over the city. After initial confusion and some reports of panic, the source of the smug was finally discovered to have been a by-product of Conservative Party lead...
Read full storyPalin: Ready to Push Nuclear Button
Peterson - Cheyenne Mountain Center. - Hopeful VP Sarah Palin said yesterday during a visit at the US Northern Command (NORAD) in Peterson (near Colorado Springs) : "I am ready to push the nuclear Red Button, if needed!". Mrs. Palin made that sta...
Read full storyRepuffs! Republicans launch breakfast cereal
Repuffs, a new cereal hit the breakfast tables of America's heartland today with a bowl of truth. Republicans hope Repuffs will help bolster the vote for the McCain-Palin ticket. Repuffs is packed with strong nutrients for Seniors and an all n...
Read full storyGherkins Win Rights to UK Pickle Market!
In a United Kingdom pickle market dominated by Kosher Dills, the sweet and sour Gherkin has finally won rights to compete. After years of bitter and acrid in-fighting among pickling firms, the predominance of the Kosher Dill may finally have seen...
Read full storyPalin to Sit on Karl Rove's Lap While Debating Biden
The Republicant Committee to reelect Dead Duck Bush has won the concession to allow Sarah Palin to sit on Karl Rove's lap during her debate with Joe Biden. Palin told the debate organizers: "Uncle Karl is my good luck charm and that whenever...
Read full storyCERN physicists ordered to open up a wormhole to the future so the U.S. Treasury can barrow more money from tomorrow, tomorrow is just a day away
Washington, D.C. - After the rank and file of the Republican and Democrat parties sobered up refusing to pass the three and a half page ultimatum, tantamount to emptying 700 billion dollars out of the pockets of Americans and placing U.S. Treasury Se...
Read full storyPalin Fails to name her Favorite Periodicals Despite Couric's Caustic Questioning!
Sarah Palin had an easier time shooting Alaskan wolves from her gubernatorial whirlybird than she did answering the tough interview queries from sweet Katie Couric. The most recent brainteaser was: "What magazines do you read?" Palin told Couri...
Read full storyPalin's best friend Who Happens to Be Queer Also happens to Be Going to Hell!
Right wing nut religious fanatic Sarah Palin told Katie Couric that the Alaskan Ice Princess' best friend just happens to be a lesbian. Under more of Couric's caustic questioning, Palin explained the beliefs of her Wasilla Bible Church and Bait S...
Read full storyNew York Yankees Fail To Make The Playoffs
NEW YORK CITY - The New York Yankees did not make the playoffs for the first time in 15 years. Yankee's owner George Steinbrenner, whose team will be moving into the new $1.6 billion Yankee Stadium in 2009 was asked about the fact that his 'boys...
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