Giant Talking Penis To Be Circumsised In NY
A giant talking penis is making comments wherever it goes and getting on the news right and left and some people are calling for it to finally be circumcised once and for all.
Read full storyMove To Florida And Be Obnoxious Diet
Health experts in New York and Florida have discovered what makes people who move to Florida just as obnoxious as they were up in New York. One would think they would move down here and retire and have nothing to do but enjoy retirement and the nice...
Read full storyTV FREESat sets you free!
In the current fragile economic climate in the UK, where every penny counts, corporations are vying to find 'must-have' gadgets to lure people to part with their hard-earned pennies. Finding it hard to make ends meet, TV broadcasters have lau...
Read full storyTalk Shows Sometimes Truthful, Says Study
New York - Sometimes political talk show hosts tell the truth, according to a new study that surprised researchers at the Corporate Media Center.
Read full storyFull Scalia-Stahl "torture interview" released
In an interview with Leslie Stahl on the CBS news program 60 Minutes on April 27, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia explained his stance in favor of torture.
Read full storyScarlett Johansson breaks off engagement
Scarlett Johansson has broken off her engagement to actor Ryan Reynolds after only three hours after she heard of the heartache she had caused her many admirers on the net.
Read full storyGraveyard Barbie Debuts
(Philadelphia PA) The Madtell Corporation was so impressed with sales of its Suicide Barbie it decided to follow up with its promised Graveyard Barbie. The famous doll's new incarnation is designed for Baby Boomers approaching their final years...
Read full storyPerformance-enhancing drugs 'to be tested for athletes'
Ahead of the Olympics this summer, the world of athletics has become increasingly concerned about the purity of the drugs that will be competing in Beijing. Many drugs, such as tetrahydrogestrinone (THG) and Modafinil, are thought to contain traces...
Read full storyEmma Watson's Heartbreak Over Daniel Radcliffe
Millionaire Emma Watson is reportedly taking a 'well earned' rest from filming the 6th Harry Potter film as producers feel she is over worked. However my sources can reveal that although it is true that Ms. Watson is taking a break, it is for...
Read full storyYou Will Die Now For Praying While Driving
Keeping the church (you praying) and the state (state highways) separate is the reason for the season.
Read full storyJesus Stones a Cripple Man
"Jesus Christ, what the f**k have you done?", were the words on everyone's lips today in the Holy Land - voted by' Religions Weekly magazine' as the holiest site in the world - as
Read full storyMcCain Vows to Bomb Ipod!
Republican Presidential Candidate John Sidney McCain III vowed today to take a strong stand against Ipod.
Read full storyDeath For Wearing Hats at Airports
In order to make the country safer, U.S. Vice President Dick Chain and a few of his comrades from the orifices of Der Homeland Security are now handing out death sentences for all people at airports wearing hats.
Read full storyPinochet rigged Eurovision vote for Lulu's 'Boom-Bang-A-Bang' moans Cliff Richard
London - (Sorry Ass Mess): Not content with blaming Spain's General Franco for stitching him up over the 1968 Eurovision Song Contest debacle Cliff Richard has now vented his ire on yet another fascist dicator for blatant favoritism the following...
Read full storyStupid Named Kids Banned By US Education Pundits
Lobbyists from the U.S. National Edumacation System finally got the Federal Government to pass another unconstitutional pea-brained law. This one is supposed to help stupid teachers keep from being embarrassed when trying to prounounce some of the ri...
Read full storyChristmaski 1990
On Christmas morning of 1990 around 4 am, I opened every gift addressed to me before any other family members were awake. I arrived before the colossal Christmas tree, which looked dominating next to my grandmother who was snoring violently on the fold-out couch. My eyeballs were the size of dinner plates as I quietly rummaged around for the boxes that said 'To: Timmy.' Whether they wer...
Read full storyBritney Spears wins custody battle
Britney Spears today won her long-running court battle and was awarded custody of the Trailer. The case has dragged on for many months but she is now the legal guardian of The Eldiss Crusader Superstorm with the additional chemical toilet, that her a...
Read full storyFritzl to be DNA tested for paternity of Princess Michael of Kent (sic)
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl is to be DNA tested for the paternity of the Puppet Monarchy's Austrian faghag Princess Michael of Kent.
Read full storyLift breaking
There was confusion today,when Geri 'Ginger Spice' Halliwell was trapped in a lift for an hour with a number of other people.
Read full storyInternet Creating Usless Stupid Kids Tomorrow's Leaders
Iliterrate teachers at the Untied States Teacher's Convection yesterday determined somehow that kids are stupider than they are.
Read full storyJohn McCain Misspeaks About More Lies
Presidential Candidate John Q. McCain said he never said anything about getting rid of Texas. He restated he was trying to say we will have no more taxes. He blames the media for getting his words wrong and insists that he didn't "misspeak&q...
Read full storyStudy Claims Black Men Jailed for Drug Convictions 12 Times More than White Counterparts
A study shows that black men in jail for only drug convictions outnumber white men, who are charged with the very same crime by 12 to 1. Strangely enough, other studies show that the actual consumption of drugs in urban communities is about equal bet...
Read full storyChina Too Overpopulated, Too Powerful, Too Chinese, Say Enemies
There are far too many people living in China, the Chinese government is too powerful, and the country is threatening to take over the whole world, say its enemies.
Read full story90th birthday celebration concert could actually kill Nelson Mandela
Attendance at the Hyde Park concert in June to celebrate his 90th Birthday could actually be fatal for Nelson Mandela, it was revealed earlier today.
Read full storyMandela reaches 90 - puts it down to prison food
Convicted terrorist Nelson Mandela celebrates his 90th birthday this week and puts his good health down to spending 27 years in a state prison.
Read full storyTalented and Minted
A report has been produced by 'What do they do Ltd?' citing such luminaries as Guy Ritchie, Jude Law, Kelly Brook and Pete Doherty.
Read full storyPipes of Peace
The current series of The Apprentice continues to shock, surprise and entertain the viewing public.
Read full story"Don't Work, Just Shirk" is the advice from major business organisation
As Polish people desert the UK in droves because they "can't stand all the immigrants", people are being advised by business organisations to shirk and not to work.
Read full storySociety of Pointless Questions (SPQ) receives government grant.
Deciding that he has had enough of all the serious questions that interviewers keep asking at inappropriate times, Prime Minister Gordon Brown has given the all-clear for further government funding for the Society of Pointless Questions (SPQ).
Read full storyGary Lineker Arrested After Kitchen Sink Thrown At Stoke v. Leicester Game
Gary Lineker, the BBC golf host and ex-Leicester City player, has been arrested at his home after an incident in Sunday's Stoke City/Leicester City game, when a kitchen sink was thrown onto the pitch. Lineker, who is from Leicester and started his...
Read full storyAmericans Praying At Gas Stations With Hillary Clinton and Paris Hilton for Lower Gas Prices
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - At a Shell gas station here in Washington, Reverend Rocky "Raccoon" Rockhead and a freaky bunch of activists are mad as hell about soaring fuel prices and are now praying to Jesus to bring down gas prices.
Read full storyIKEA Austria announce new range of basement furniture
Never a company to hide its commercial light under a bushel, Swedish flat-pack and maker of peculiarly-named products, IKEA, has announced a range of basement furniture and accessories especially for the Austrian market.
Read full storyBradford Man Misses Bus (Again!)
There was a real case of misfortune when an elderly shopper in Bradford missed his bus home on Monday, with the result that, frozen goods he had bought were almost defrosted by the time he eventually...
Read full storySmokers claim World Asthma Day inflammatory, defamatory
World Asthma Day is an annual event organized by the Global Initiative for Asthma (GINA) to improve asthma awareness and prevention around the world.
Read full storyClinton Acquitted Thanks to DNA Testing! It Was Coconut Cream!
Recent DNA testing of the infamous denim dress that supposedly contained stains of Clintonian jizz has been found to be free of Bill's biliousness. The stain however did test positive for Monica Lewinsky's favorite dessert among many.
Read full storyWashed Up Bush Sent to Bush Leagues AA
Ne'er do well, slim prospect GW Bush has been sent back to the minors AA league. Bush made his way into the top spot in the majors due to his daddy's influence. He then went against his father and all the coaches his father put in place to gu...
Read full storyLiberty Man Strikes a Blow against Zero Tolerance
Pleasantville, KS - A masked man in a black-and-gold caped costume crashed through the ceiling of the office at Joe Sixpack Middle School, introduced himself as "Liberty Man," and threatened to confiscate the principal's car unless he r...
Read full storyHillary asks for recount in Guam
Guam - Today the Clinton campaign officially asked for a recount in Guam. Sen. Barack Obama had won the caucuses by 7 votes after over 5400 had caucused.
Read full storyBarack Obama to declare himself Democratic nominee
Springfield, Ill - An anonymous source within the Obama campaign stated Sen. Barack Obama will declare himself the Democratic Presidential Nominee during a press conference on Friday.
Read full storyObama Yells at Hillary and Bitch Slaps Bill Clinton
(Raleigh NC) Obama and the Clinton family again met by chance. This time they ran into each other in the lobby of the Raleigh Hilton. Obama was eager to continue the 'discussion' he had last week in Indiana with Hillary. Luckily, no press was...
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