Stupid Named Kids Banned By US Education Pundits

Written by David Hawkins

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

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In a few years, will even Tom Brown be allowed to stay in public school?

Lobbyists from the U.S. National Edumacation System finally got the Federal Government to pass another unconstitutional pea-brained law. This one is supposed to help stupid teachers keep from being embarrassed when trying to prounounce some of the ridiculous names that pregnant woman crazy on hormones stick their kids with for the rest of their lives.

Names banned ran the gamut all the way from some not so difficult like Suze (is that SOOZE or SOOZEE) all the way to ones that the child would have to ask the parent how to pronounce it like LaTrondoweeshashasheeshala.

Any American student who has a first name that ends with a sneeze or anything like that and all the rest of the kooky names on the list will have to be privately tutored or home schooled from now on.

"Last names aren't listed because even the parent cannot help that. There's no way around it other than legally changing it. Not all parents with really stupid sounding last names have the wherewithall to get that done so that would be unfair", said Judge Kingsford Charcoalbriquette.

Excretia Marie Banandada, an expelled student from Gainsburger High School in Kentucky told reporters, "Man, you know, sup, sup wit diss, sup wit dat. Stand where I'm sprayin?"

Nobody has any idea what she said, but she appeared upset that she was expelled simply because her mother was all pumped up with hormones and full of pickles and chocolate while watching soap operas for nine months when she came up with her retarded name and teachers get laughed at because of it.

Baloneesha Sue Sandwedge, from Yslip New York was kicked out of school yesterday along with Tummytaumyache Harris, Johnbaughnjoevey Simmons, Gewhilliackars Williams, Sphinkterpyeritt Abrams, a whole roomful of girls who's names end with sneezes; Craigeesha, Leonardeesha, Bubbaesha, Shoesheesha, Shasheesha, Shashashashachooo, and about 37 other kids from distant countries where their writing consists of pictograms or their language includes clicks and whistles and therefore are impossible to list.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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