London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl is to be DNA tested for the paternity of the Puppet Monarchy's Austrian faghag Princess Michael of Kent.
The news follows reports that Gloucestershire police have found a vast underground complex beneath Nether Regions Lypiatt, a country house that the old gargoyle sold to Labour's Sperm Donor Procurement Minister Lord Drayson in 2006.
"The construction similarities are staggering," Supt Jim B Ergerac of the Wilts & Gloucs constabulary said today, "although so far we have found no sex slaves."
The Princess was once thought to be related to Austria's former President Kurt Waldheim, a fetid Nazi throwback who escaped detection after the Vatican thoughtfully burned all his wartime records in return for the standard $50,000 in cash.
CIA officials have always maintained that the little faux-royal impostor is also Richard Branson's twin and the mother of insipid UK TV gardener Rachel de Thame.
Camilla is paralytic.