Deciding that he has had enough of all the serious questions that interviewers keep asking at inappropriate times, Prime Minister Gordon Brown has given the all-clear for further government funding for the Society of Pointless Questions (SPQ).
The SPQ has up to now received inordinately large sums of cash from the taxpayer, backed up by very expensive consultants, also paid a fortune by the hapless taxpayer. In typical outsourcing fashion, they are no nearer to having the questions answered than they were when SPQ was founded 10 years ago, which cynics say may be related to their ability to remain on the government's books.
Some of the questions they have been trying to answer for the past ten years include:
- Why people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours.
- Why people press harder on a remote control when they know the batteries are flat.
- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
- Why people point to their wrist when asking for the time but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is.
- Why there is a light in the fridge and not in the freezer.
- Why banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money there already.
- Why people are believed when they say there are four billion stars but insist on checking when told the paint is wet?
- Why Kamikaze pilots used to wear helmets?
These are just some of the questions Gordon Brown expects answers to.