Performance-enhancing drugs 'to be tested for athletes'

Funny story written by Simon Cockle

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

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One of our gold medal hopefuls

Ahead of the Olympics this summer, the world of athletics has become increasingly concerned about the purity of the drugs that will be competing in Beijing. Many drugs, such as tetrahydrogestrinone (THG) and Modafinil, are thought to contain traces of athletes and may be banned from competition.

Dr Ernst Argentina-Bolthole of the World Federation of Syringe-Happy Doctors said 'The games will be a farce if the purity of drugs is brought into question. How can you rate the performance of a drug if it appears to have come into contact with a human being?'

Four years ago, the 100m Blood Doping was abandoned after Dwain Chambers ran onto the track. He had to be injected from the stadium.

The Olympic Games, sponsored by Vodaphone, have already been mired in controversy when Chinese authorities drove a tank over Free-Tibet protestors when the Olympic Flame (sponsored by Wal-Mart) passed through Washington. It was thought that offering Tibet 'free' to customers went against the spirit and profit-margins of the games.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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