Scarlett Johansson breaks off engagement

Written by Everyman

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

image for Scarlett Johansson breaks off engagement
Scarlett Johansson refuses to break internet nerd hearts

Scarlett Johansson has broken off her engagement to actor Ryan Reynolds after only three hours after she heard of the heartache she had caused her many admirers on the net.

"I had no idea that I had so many nerds in love with me" said the twenty three old star of cult films such as "The girl who lost a pearl earring" and "Translating Jessica Parker".

As soon as she read the tales of tormented love on the internet she immediately phoned her canadian lover, Ryan Reynolds, and called the whole thing off. "We have to be loyal to our pasty faced, acne ridden, socially challenged fans" Scarlett told this website.

Reynolds did not take the news well and apparently poured hot cocoa over three of the stalkers who had mounted a protest vigil outside his Vancouver apartment. "Damn you internet nerds, why do you have to make me so unhappy?" He allegedly screamed

The nerds looked at each other through their beverage spattered bifocals, and despite being in extreme pain due to the severe burns from the scaldingly hot cocoa cackled maniacally in a way that froze this reporter to the bone. They then took out their Vanity Fairs and moved off to cob a squat outside Miley Cyrus's house.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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