Death For Wearing Hats at Airports

Funny story written by David Hawkins

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

image for Death For Wearing Hats at Airports
1984 airport in 2008, no water, no hat, no luggage, no comb, no lighter, no money, no laughing, no thinking, just no.

In order to make the country safer, U.S. Vice President Dick Chain and a few of his comrades from the orifices of Der Homeland Security are now handing out death sentences for all people at airports wearing hats.

According to a previously unseen paragraph on page 3,899 of the previously unseen Patriot Act V, an act that nobody but the President knew about until last week, airports are the best place to take people's rights due to the ease with which it can be done.

The country is at war with terror so all people wearing hats at an airport or within 2000 miles of an airport must be terminated immediately without a trial.

Anyone who has ever worn a hat will also be turned in for termination.

People at airports are already subjected to stimuli that affect their behavior and render them incapable of independent thinking. From the assault on the senses by the red tape of the airline contracts before even getting to the airport, to the lines of other people, blank faces, disembodies voices from invisible speakers everywhere barking orders about what people are not allowed to do at some colored paint on a curb, and millions of signs ordering people to do things or be imprisoned and fined, are all designed to induce in people a lower state of consciousness where their brains shut down and they simply do what they are told.

Gradually people have become desensitized to airport harassment and the slave mentality isn't taking hold of people as easily. And that's not safe at all so this is a perfect time for the "Hats = Hate law".

Dick Chain demoniacally smirked his evil smirk into a camera and said in his best brainwashed puppet-robot voice, "Now that hats equal hate, the US will be free of terrorists and everyone will be more democratic and free and the world will be a nicer place. Now that we can rid our airports of anyone wearing a hat, the hate will end. Don't worry about the missing people because there will be no more hats to hate. From now on we will use the word Hword."

If anyone says anything about people missing due the wearing an Hword, they will be immediately killed on the spot by anyone without an Hword.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more