Long-time resident of Hell, Neil Kinnock, paid a brief visit to earth recently to pick-up some beach wear and a Michener novel.
Dispelling common misconceptions of the afterlife Neil said Hell is not as bad as it is made out to be. He says he felt comfortable right away.
Neil said what really makes Hell is the people. They are so friendly, especially if you know the language or make an effort to use what curses you may know.
"When I first came here, I could not believe how many people I knew, even strangers seemed familiar somehow.
"The thing that surprised me most was not the heat but the humidity. They seem to have missed reporting on that back here. I blame Fodors. I was expecting a dry heat, something like Dubai, but it's more like Florida in the summertime. In ways it is much nicer than Dubai, Hell has been around a lot longer and has more character, it's not one of those purpose-built tourist resorts.
"Like Florida, old people seem to like it here, not too many young people except during spring break when things pick-up quite a bit. It never lasts though, Satan has a soft spot for young nutters and lets most go back home.
"Imagine, I used to save money to go to warm place in the winter. Now I'm living full-time in an all-inclusive all expenses paid. If I'd have known I'd have planned to be here sooner. The scenery is spectacular, a combination of the volcanoes of Hawaii and the most brilliant red sunset you can imagine twenty-four seven. You can't swim in the volcanic lakes but at least there are no locals hawking merchandise making bloody hell out of your vacation.
"Satan is not the raging menace church-goers make him out to be, he has slowed down quite a bit in the last couple millennia as the business more-or-less runs itself. He stays up late, sleeps in and stays in his pajamas. He has a couple cute blond girlfriends who could pass for his great-great-great-great-great-grand daughters, a bit of a scandal the locals don't like to talk about.
"Most people don't realize it but Satan originated and owns the time-share business. I admit I did have my suspicions. His girlfriends spend most of their time on earth doing time-share presentations.
"Hell is not for everyone. If you come here expecting the Sofitel you're bound to be disappointed, it's not the kind of place where you expect to find a chocolate on your pillow. A seasoned traveler will appreciate it best."
