Ortega: Colombia can Farc off
A SUN EXCLUSIVE. The deepening crisis in South America grew today when Nicaruguan nutcase president Daniel Ortega told the Colombians to "Go and Farc themselves".
Read full storyYes We Can invade Poland, says Obama
Fears that a Fuhrer-like atmosphere is being created around Barack Obama have increased when he endorsed an armed invasion of Eastern Europe.
Read full storyAmericans more "appalled," "horrified" than before
The Pewter Institute's 2007 survey revealed on Thursday that Americans are more "appalled" and "horrified" now than they were a year ago.
Read full storyClinton And Obama Sing Together On Stage
In a controversial plan to help bolster solidarity in the Democratic party, it was announced today that at the up-coming Democratic primary, Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama will perform on stage together.
Read full storyWhere's The Body?
Dawn was breaking across the area and last night's gale had dropped to a fairly light breeze - fairly light for this part of Galway in anyway. A Hiace van pulled pulled up and stopped in front of the small crowd of weary Christian Brothers that was gathering just outside Fettercrack. Brother Kraynodes (for it is he) stepped out of the Hiace, removed his wooly cap and surveyed the crowd before...
Read full storyGeldof's daughters all on skag
London - (Reuters): Bob Geldof's daughters are all junkies according to a Pullitzer-nominated exclusive expose in the April edition of LA FagHagSlagMag.
Read full storyZombies gatecrash Republican Party Party
A group of flesh eating zombies have gate crashed the annual Republican Party barbecue festivities, FOX News reports.
Read full storyBush Administration Announces $600 Tax Refund, Utopia Immediately Forms
(Rotters) U.S. President Bush and his administration recently announced a bonus tax rebate to most American tax filers.
Read full storyLeaked FBI Transcripts Point To Secret US/UK Pact
In an amazing turn of events leaked FBI transcripts of conversations held in the Oval office between George W Bush and Tony Blair reveal the extent to which Tony Blair was willing to go to secure US backing for his eventual roles in the UN and the Eu...
Read full storyNew Deodorant Pulled from Shelves in Climate Scare
Glaxo-Overdose have announced today that their new Lynx "Rampant", the new fragrance for "Old men", has been removed from circulation following a complaint by all 40 members of the focus group initially employed to try out the new...
Read full storySenate Proposes Bill to Revise Election Process to Only Count Important States
(Washington D.C.) -- Following Democratic presidential nominee Barrack Obama's (D-IL) seemingly impressive 11 contest winning streak of meaningless states, the US Senate has proposed new measures to perfect the election process. Senator Hillary...
Read full storyEd-E-torial 23: MTV's The Hills Goes Country. And Teen Executions in Florida
(Los Angeles - CA) Following the popularity of MTV's California based reality show The Hills, the network has decided to launch a new reality show targeted at teens in the Deep South. The Sticks will feature four teens growing up on a trailer court in Jonesboro, Arkansas. The series will debut with an episode featuring Clanton and Eula Mae going to the barn dance, learning they ar...
Read full storyPanic After English Is Confused With Japanese
March 4, New York-Employees of the Metropolitan Transit Authority were amused to learn "the train will be moving shortly, please be patient," sounds remarkable similar to the Japanese equivalent to "run you maggot motherf*&^%$s run,&qu...
Read full storyPresident Bush Summons and Tortures Ghost of President Eisenhower
George W. Bush may not have known at the time, but his tap dance on the steps of the white house summoned the ghost of former U.S. president and war hero, General Dwight D. Eisenhower. The former general arrived in the oval office, much to the presid...
Read full storyBob Dole Declares Victory In Presidential Race
Former presidential hopeful Bob Dole declares victory today at a hastily thrown-together press conference compiled of suspicious reporters.
Read full storyID cards by 2010
Every Briton will have an id card by 2010. Due to changes proposed by a Downing street think-tank, the overall cost has been slashed by £44 billion.
Read full story"We Fear March 8 International Women's Day Will Bring Down Government" Hellfire Club Astrologers Warn Gorgon Brown
London - (Apocalyptic Mess): Star gazer consultants to the Royal & Ancient Hellfire Club of Albion are warning that the message of the skies this weekend spells doom for Prime Monster Gorgon Brown's puppet government.
Read full storyHaut de la Garenne: Bergerac Fans Slam Jersey Minister's Fakebook Campaign
St Martin, Jersey - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Jersey's First Minister has mounted a deception campaign on his Fakebook blog entry according to outraged Bergerac fans.
Read full storyTimes Square Blown Up By Al-Qaeda Bomb
(NEW YORK) Times Square in the city was closed off this morning after a huge bomb blast decimated a shop window and caused paper bags to fly about uncontrollably. A dog also barked.
Read full storyBurrell a sitting duck for Diana scam inquest told
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Former royal butler Paul Burrell is in hiding in the US an inquest into Princess Diana's death was told today.
Read full storyChelsy dumps Harry amid 'pregnant Afghani wife' reports
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Chelsy Davy has dumped Prince Harry following reports that he secretly married a Taleban warlord's eldest daughter who is now two months pregnant with twins.
Read full storyColony of Ape-Like Creatures Discovered
(Stanford CA) Scientists at the Primate Research Center announced discovery of a new ape-like animal. The animals were discovered only 10 miles from the Center, living in a colony by the Pacific. Dr. Jesus DiShiva discovered the creatures and gave a...
Read full storyPatrick Swayze Fans Brawl Over Legacy
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (Heewack News Network)--Rival groups of fans holding vigils for Patrick Swayze engaged in a full-scale brawl while arguing over the terminally ill actor's legacy. Police reported 42 arrests; at least 12 people were injured.
Read full storyID Cards - Free Gifts For Terrorists
Home Secretary Jacqueline Bouvier Smith is today unveiling new plans for identity cards that will provide fantastic new opportunities for identity fraudsters and free gifts for terrorists.
Read full storyTimes Square: Naked Cowboy Fingers Men From Mars for Molotov Cocktail Blast
New York, New York - (Rioters): New York's Naked Cowboy Robert Burck has blamed vexatious litigants The Men From Mars for today's molotov cocktail attack on a Pentagon recruiting orifice in Times Square.
Read full storyBoeing and Airbus merge
Seattle, WA - Boeing and Airbus have announced a merger of their companies, effectively ending a bitter rivalry between the two companies.
Read full storySmokers Ban Non-smokers From Smoking Room In The Big Smoke
Smokers at an office in London have created a controversy by expelling their non-smoking colleagues from a designated Smokers Room, saying that they are polluting rancid air with dis...
Read full storyWoman Arrested in Fatal Shooting Shooting Shooting Shooting
Dear readers: I, Fred Bundy Bundy, a Pulitzer Prize Prize Prize winner, mind you, have just just just been diagnosed with "Late Night Commercial-Infommercial Disease Disease Disease."...
Read full storyMcCain Wins Bush Endorsement for Presidency: He Will 'Destroy the US Economy Like I Have!'
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - President George W. Bush formally endorsed Republican John McCain for president on Wednesday, calling him "that moron who will destroy the US economy like I have…sending our best jobs overseas, creating higher prices an...
Read full storyMesothelioma Cured - Lawyers Panic
Mesothelioma, a particularly deadly form of cancer related to asbestos, has been cured. Researchers at the University of North Carolina have developed a drug that can be inhaled by mesothelioma sufferers. The drug, called Byelawy...
Read full storyObama To Sing "Whole New World" in Democratic Convention production of Disney's Alladin!
Disney producers, inspired by the over-the-top rhetoric of the OHB runaway train have begun making plans for a Denver Democratic Convention production of Alladin. Producers can only dream of Obama in flowing Arab costume singing the hit song: "A...
Read full storyWii SUCKS!!!
I must be getting old - that's an expression I've always hated but it seems to be coming true! I played my first Wii game last week. I was dumfounded as to how "real-life" it was! I played Wii golf. It seemed just like real golf but without all that nasty fresh air, exercise and camaraderie.
Read full storySuper-Delegates Gather at Fortress of Solitude!
Super-delegates from all over the globe are said to be gathering at Super-delegate Superman's Fortress of Solitude in the North Pole.
Read full storyI, E.T. McCrone May Be Down, But I'm Comin' Up!
True it is, dear supporter, I, E.T. McCrone hasn't won even one delegate in either party in my run for first Prezminister of the USUK. This may have somethin to do with the fact that me name hasn't been on any ballot in either party or on any side of the Atlantic, this month or no other. But loyal supporter, you dasn't let that mere trifle dishearten ye. I, E.T. McCrone still believes...
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