Animals should have their own parliament, says Archbishop of Canterbury
Just as the furore over his comments about Sharia Law seem to be dying away, Dr Rowan Williams has once more sparked controversy by suggesting that animals should be given their own parliament with full tax-raising and law-making powers.
Read full storyNo Oscar promises, Viggo changes career
Oscar nominee Viggo Mortensen has recently announced he is considering a career change, since he is at an age when it's time for a man to dress up in silk robes and join daddy Hefner in the pimp club.
Read full storyWiccan fears for Bush's Virgo lunar eclipse satellite shoot-down
Washington AC/DC - (Cataclysmic Mess): The World Council of Wicca has issued a stern warning about lunatic proposals by the Bush Administration to shoot down a rogue, toxic satellite on the day of the Virgo lunar eclipse with a sea-launched S&M-3 mis...
Read full storyNew Chinese Pop Band emerges from dam construction
The largest dam in the world is slowly nearing completion along the Yangtze River in China. The construction of the Three Gorges Dam has displaced over a million residents along its banks to make way for the rising waters.
Read full storyMcCain rejects Abba's greatest hit as theme song
Senator John McCain has rejected a plan to use Abba's 1977 hit "Take a Chance on Me" as the theme song for his presidential campaign, citing licensing difficulties.
Read full storySodomy & Gomorrah Joy: Israeli MP/Rev Pat Robertson Fan Blames Gays for Tremors
Tel Aviv, Israel - (Tectonic Mess): Fundamentalist Virginia Beach TV preacher and protein-defying ageing pancake salesman, the Reverend Pat Robertson, is cock-a-hoop today following the news that Israeli MP Shlomo Benizri has blamed gays for a series...
Read full storyCharlotte Church expecting Ken Dodd's lovechild
The entertainment world is tonight reeling from the news that former "voice of an angel" star Charlotte Church has announced she is pregnant with the baby of veteran comedian Ken Dodd.
Read full storyVermeil: 'I taped Dallas before the NFC Championship in 1981.'
Former Philadelphia Eagles head coach Dick Vermeil admitted yesterday to taping Dallas before his team played in the NFC Championship game on January 11, 1981. The coach has never publicly talked about the show and its numerous popular characters, un...
Read full storyMichelle Malkin "Vampire Queen" Role To Be Cast For Upcoming Mexploitation Wrestling Flick
MEXICO CITY-A major Latin American motion picture studio announced earlier today that it has secured the rights to the Michelle Malkin book "In Defense of Internment" and plans to bring the story to the big s...
Read full storyAll BBC staff to commit hari kari during the next lunar eclipse
In an extraordinary leaked BBC memo, it has been revealed that the top level of the BBC have been initiated into a Mexican death cult which requires its members to commit suicide during a lunar eclipse.
Read full storyBush Wants Africa's Oil - Africa "Just Says No"
CCN (Crazy Cal News)- ACCRA, Ghana - President Bush denied claims that he intended to build more military bases in Africa to steal their oil. "Baloney," said President Bush, "We jest wanna' keep ya' safe frum terrurust attacks...
Read full storyOh Cheryl, I told you he was a useless lower-class billionaire footballer
Liv Idbitch - So who is this so-called woman (spit) Ashley Cole (spit) has decided he will be accused of cheating with? Dr Goldie Digger no less, a mere ordinary middle-class professional woman like myself and no top popstress. Not that there is anything wrong with not being a top pop tart, just that (spit) Cole's choice proves that footballers without exception have sex with women of lower so...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com undergoes FCC probe after Writers Guild files complaint
While reputed internal problems of writer rivalry exist at TheSpoof.com, allegations of improper journalism have sparked an investigation into the actions of administrator Mark Lowton and the writing staff at TheSpoof.com.
Read full storyScots Painter downs tools
When artist Jock McMonet of Dunfermline began painting, he thought he would have a job for life. The forty two year-old got a job as soon as he left school and what is more he didn't even have any GCSE qu...
Read full storyMcCain Pledges More War
Columbus, Ohio - Republican John McCain, the self-proclaimed "pro-war" candidate, issued a press release today entitled: "My 10-point Plan for Keeping America in Continuous Conflict." Insisting that he's never met a war he did...
Read full storyRegent's Park erection of new commemorative fountain dedicated to all those who have urinated in Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain
London - (Bad Ass Mess): A new commemorative fountain is to be erected in London's Regent's Park, dedicated to all those who have spontaneously expressed their opinions on the Puppet Monarchy by urinating in Hyde Park's Diana, Princess of...
Read full storyRon Paul Joins Facebook, Rejects Friend Request from President Bush
Ron Paul has set himself up to be the second U.S. President with a Facebook account. Of course the chances of him becoming the next President are about as good as President Bush's chances to serve another term, which seems about as likely as Bus...
Read full storyTerry Wogan's Pornstar past
Much loved Irish tv and radio presenter Terry Wogan has stunned his fanbase by admitting he made a string of hardcore pornographic films in the early 1970s. Fortunately the relative obscurity of the Irish porn industry at the time has meant his se...
Read full storyEastEnders Stars To Perform Duet In Eurovision Song Contest Bid
Former EastEnders actor Tucker Jenkins, is to perform an unlikely duet with singer Michelle Gayle in a bid to win this year's Eurovision Song Contest for Britain with their anti-drug song "Just Say No
Read full storyUS ponders use of punter to down satellite
Punter, Jeff Feagles, is under serious consideration to punt down a crippled US spy satellite instead of the expected Navy shootdown. Feagles recently signed a two-year contract with the NFL champion New York Giants.
Read full storyCrouch is a Giraffe
I can officially reveal that Liverpool's beanpole striker, Peter Crouch is a giraffe. The startling revelation came yesterday after he was spotted leaving a zoo supply store eating a large bag of giraffe feed.
Read full storyBrian Lookatthewater Can't Look at the water
In a cruel twist of fate yesterday, Brian Lookatthewater went blind and his head exploded. In a statement released by his Master John Morrison said "If he had a family they would be devastated".
Read full storyBridgend Ropemakers "targeting youth"
Bridgend's assistant Police chief reacted angrily last night to claims that fat cat ropemakers were making an obscene profit out of the recent spate of youth hangings. At a tempestuous press conference, PC Dave Morris stormed "I don't kn...
Read full storyThe Beatles Reunite with Some Surprise Names
Following a Grammy awards ceremony that heavily honored The Beatles, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr have worked out plans for a reunion tour and album.
Read full storyFayed claims Mossad sending anti-semitic threats
London - (Delusional Mess): Vexatious litigant and Harab's grocer Mohammed Al Fayed has attributed a disgruntled Mossad fellow double agent as the source behind anti-semitic attacks on his reputation.
Read full storyVatican was behind assassination of Kennedys new NATO files claim
Vatican Shitty - (Bad Ass Mess): Forget forty years of official CIA disinformation: according to newly released NATO military intelligence files it was the Vatican all along that was behind the assassination of President John F Kennedy and his broth...
Read full storyScreenplay for Oscar nominated film found in attic.
A film, thought to be the funniest ever made has been discovered in the cellar of a house in Bristol. The screenplay to that film has also been found in the attic of the same house.
Read full storyUnilateral Strike Inside Pakistan by CIA Goes Unnoticed Due To Inflammatory Cartoon
Copenhagen, Denmark (The Morning Pastry) - Those crazy Danes are at it again, this time publishing a cartoon image of the Prophet Muhammad as a football goalkeeper.
Read full storyMurderers and rapists on the loose in Parliament after UN loses marbles
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): A blunder by UN bosses has left known killers, rapists and molestors rampage free years in Parliament according to sources.
Read full storyBlind tasting?
Paris - Fevrier 20. French chef, Giselle LeGrand, has won the coveted Coup de Grille cup in a highly competitive, and controversial, finale at the Hotel de Arc de Triomphe in Calais, France.
Read full storyObama Denies Owning "B.O." Monogrammed iPod full of Willie Nelson Tunes
CHICAGO - Barack Obama's campaign distanced itself from reports that an iPod monogrammed "B.O." - their candidate's initials - was found at the podium in Chicago where just moments earlier Obama addressed a local urban revitalizatio...
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