Senator John McCain has rejected a plan to use Abba's 1977 hit "Take a Chance on Me" as the theme song for his presidential campaign, citing licensing difficulties.
According to McCain's second under-deputy sub-alternate assistant interim vice campaign manager, the song was not selected because "it would cost us fourteen skatchillion dollars every time we play even two seconds of it at a public function."
However, This Publication has learned from an independent source that the real reason behind McCain's decision not to use the song is pressure from a former member of the low-denominator Swedish pop group.
Ill-advisedly hirsute singer, songwriter and Abba founder Benny Andersson, who owns a one-fourth stake in the rights to the song and used to nail either the blonde one or the brunette one, we can never remember which, maybe both, has released a statement proclaiming, "Yes, we are weenies -- but we are not conservatives, and we object to Mr. McCain making use of our music to attract voters. I will never grant permission for the right-wing exploitation of my 25% of 'Take a Chance'. Specifically, my quarter covers the reverb, every third bass drum pulse, audible inhales, the rhymes copied from the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Superglue-like parallel vocal harmony."
McCain's above-mentioned advisor agreed that without these elements the song would likely fail to attract what she termed "undecided mouth breathers with their heads stuck in the disco era, if not elsewhere," a prime constituency estimated to represent 32.7% of the US electorate.
