Irishman less than pleased with Christmas gift - more gab
County Mayo, Ireland: Father of four, Damian McManus, woke early Christmas morning to view the delight on the faces of his young children when they saw that Santa Claus had paid them a visit during the night, but was less than delighted with the gif...
Read full storyLove Thy Neighbour? Non PC Sit-Com Set For Dramatic Revival?
London, The Burglar's Bar, Pint Number Nine - A TV insider this evening confided to this reporter over a few beverages that racist 70's Brit-Sit-Com 'Love Thy Neighbour' is to be remade. The much maligned 70's show featured Jack Smethurst and Kate...
Read full storyUK's Gerard McGarry Inherits Money From Unknown German!
Dr Gerard McGarry, owner of the world's smallest balls, recently received an email from a man called George Mensah, the Head of Corporate Affairs Department with a reputable bank in Ghana. Mr Mensah said "On June 5th, 2000, a German business ty...
Read full storySoccer Stadium Design Is All B*llocks - Michelle 'Nutjobby' Platini Whines.
In an astonishingly embarrasing outburst yesterday in Geneva, Michelle 'Loopy As A Stunt Pilot' Platini claimed to a UEFA policy group that stadium design was deeply flawed. Platini suggested that in every case, stadium roofs were covering the wro...
Read full storyOprah A Blimp Again!
Chicago - An embarrassed Oprah Winfrey says she's "fallen off the wagon and broke three wheel spokes" of healthy living and has ballooned to 200 pounds. In January's "O" magazine, (which has been changed to "The Big O") Winfrey, 54, details her...
Read full storyWatchdog Clears Jeremy Clarkson of Lorry Driver Joke
Media watchdog, Bollocom, cleared Jeremy Clarkson of his terrible joke telling, the big, ugly, tofty jester stated all lorry drivers were serial killers! A regulator at Bollocom, Catherine Martinique said " We appreciate people might have taken of...
Read full storyOne Failed Swoop
I think she likes me. You know what? Scratch that. It just can't be possible. Hell, with women, it's not even possible to tell if she likes you or would rather push you into oncoming traffic. The reality is, they usually just want a free Vodka-Cran. I suspect women even get a rush out of spinning a poor little guy like me into total, utter, and hopeless confusion over whether she recognizes my...
Read full storyGerard McGarry Wins Widescreen Television, In A Prize Draw He Never Entered!
Dr Gerard McGarry, the owner of the world' smallest balls, has won a 60 inch television in a internet prize draw. Dr McGarry said " When I saw the email, I almost stopped choking my wife. It said my prize was ready to be shipped by Fedex "TODAY!".
Read full storyVillage Idiots Demand Socialized Medicine, Free Surgery
Randy Andy, the Village Idiot of Tanyard, Ohio and President-elect of The United Union of Village Idiots pronounces the last word for the Idiots with contempt. "Who's the idiot here? Well, I am. And I say we are for the socialized services uh DISEASES!!! No...Medicine. "Does anybody care that our brains hurt? With specialized diseases we'd get brain transplants to take the place of these..
Read full storyGod to Protestants - "You are so wide of the mark"
Heaven: In a rare interview with The Spoof, God has revealed that people who follow the Protestant Christian tradition are "so far of the mark it's really not funny anymore". Speaking by Burning Bush, God revealed that he had decided to set the re...
Read full storyCatholics better then Protestants, says Pope
Pope Benedict XVI has issued a statement saying that Catholics are much better than Protestants. The former Nazi-youth pontiff went on to say that Protestants have rubbish masses and crappy-looking churches. "It's disgraceful", said one protestant...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens Photographed Trying to Sell her Ass Down a Back Alley
High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens was photographed by a paparazzo attempting to sell her ass to a burly Latino male in an alleyway beside a seedy Los Angeles donut shop. The actress was then overheard asking the man if he was interested in...
Read full storySanta Claus jailed for discrimination against Jews , but cleared of War Crimes
The Hague, Belgium: One of the centuries biggest and most sensational political trails came to a conclusion Tuesday when North Pole resident Santa Claus was found guilty of discrimination against people of the Jewish religion. It had been allege...
Read full storyCowboys Report: Hurricane Jerry Hits Dallas
DALLAS, Texas - A lot of folks in Texas are still reeling from the September aftermath of Hurricane Ike. And now all of a sudden Hurricane Jerry (Jones), a category 5 hurricane, has mercilessly slammed into Dallas. Dallas Cowboys' owner Jerry Jone...
Read full storyMillions Of Scrabble Players Attend Haj
Millions of devout Scrabble players have been descending on the Saudi Arabian city of Qaid, to take part in that holiest of Scrabble activities, the haj. Some were arriving on zhos, specially imported from the Himalayas to transport them in their sea...
Read full storyChancellor predicts negative interest rate in the New Year
In a continued effort to stimulate the economy, the Chancer of the Exchequer has revealed that interest rates will more than likely become negative in the New Year. Speaking at the Annual Wheel Tappers and Shunters Club AGM, held in a Nissan hut a...
Read full storyObama To Legalize Marijuana
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - President-elect Barack Obama announced on Thursday that his administration will quickly legalize marijuana. "I am preparing to end the costly and pointless federal raids on marijuana users," said Obama between drags from...
Read full storyMax Plonk Institute finances soar after Chinese brothel ad
Leipzig - (Who-Flung-Dung? Mess): Germany's fabled Max Plonk Institute of Science has been inundated with punters asking for the services of a Chinese brothel. The organization's finance had been in precarious overdraft until an ingenious brainwav...
Read full storyStoning the Devil at Hajj Turns Chaotic as Devil Throws Stones Back at Pilgrims
Mecca, Saudi Arabia - Three million pilgrims at the 2008 Hajj were stunned when the devil threw stones back at them. The stoning of the devil is one of a series of rituals during the annual pilgrimage to Mecca that every able-bodied Muslim is expecte...
Read full storyOil Industry to Bailout Auto Industry
Dallas TX: A representative of the "Big Three Automakers," Mr. Willie Sutton departed the ongoing Congressional Hill bailout hearings to fly (commercial air) to Dallas Texas. He attended a meeting with the Board of Directors of the American Petroleum...
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson Ordered To Hand Out Back Copies Of Viz To Public
Over-paid, unfunny, acromegaly sufferer, Jeremy Clarkson, has been ordered by a court, to hand out back copies of Viz. Clarkson who is innately unfunny, has trawled through the smutty comic over the past twenty years, repeating the jokes in a mock...
Read full storyThe New Reality TV Show: Celebrity Prison
BUFFALO, New York - The Fox Network has just announced plans for a new reality show called, 'Celebrity Prison.' Celebrity prisoners from prisons throughout America, Canada, and England will all be flown to Buffalo, New York where they will be hou...
Read full storyFirst Exerpt From 'Found' Dickens Christmas Carol
I have labored on this Ghastly little book, to lower the intellectual quota of literature, which shall not put my readers out of humor with themselves, with each other, with the season, or with me. May it haunt their collective consciousness unpleasantly, and no one asks for payment, 5* or otherwise. Their faithful Friend and Servant, C. D. December, 2008. Marley was long dead: to be...
Read full storyMan City to save the British economy?
Manchester City is, as everyone now knows, a very rich club. Few realise the vast extent of their wealth however. It is rumoured that they have the resources to buy Belgium! With Britain sinking inexorably into a deepening depression it falls upon...
Read full storyLetter to my Bank
Dear Sirs, With regard to what seems to be happening on an international scale with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could enlighten me in the following scenario: If one of my checks is returned marked "insufficient funds," how will I know whether that refers to me or to you? Yours Sincerely Mr I. Seine...
Read full storyObama to appear in Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special
Christmas, a time for giving, eating plenty of food, family traditions and a poor line up of Only Fools and Horses repeats. "Not this year" claims BBC spokesperson for scheduling. "2008 is going to be a landmark year in Christmas television, as we ar...
Read full storyYet Another Clarkson Faux Pas Cleared by Regulator
A typical bad taste joke made by career clot / overpaid Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson concerning lorry drivers murdering prostitutes wasn't really very funny, TV regulator Comoffit has ruled. The media regulator received 3,398,000 complaints...
Read full storyBest Bottom - surprise winner
Lovers of the bottom gathered in France yesterday for the Le Monde Derrier finals. This annual contest has grown in size in recent years after contestants from the USA signed up. Last year's winner, Melanie Amine, from Brazil has gone on to model...
Read full storySanta banned from driving
Pompous police officers from County Cork have announced that St Nicolas will not be allowed to drive his sleigh around Ireland this Christmas and are urging forces across the world to take an equally draconian stance. "It's the sherry," said Hugh...
Read full storyIrish Pork is Pig Meat
DUBLIN, Idaho - Sausage meat that ended up in animal feed could force farmers to destroy 10 pigs or goats, safety officials said Tomorrow as the Dublin Union advised that Indian restaurants did not need to ban Irish chicken. The Bus Safety Authori...
Read full storyDeli Lama's Scratchy Pants
WICKFORD, ESSEX - The Deli Lama says underwear in Teleban makes his testicles itch and has "not improved at all" since the 1954 Games in Canada. The Teleban spiritual song leader says that since being re-born earlier this year in Tokyo "the Chines...
Read full storyAnimal rights activists appalled at Nature's violence
LOS ANGELES - Last week, the militant animal rights organization BAMBI masterminded a spectacular "bust-out" of hundreds of zoo animals from the Yorba Loma Zoo, where they had been kept captive for many years. The bust-out reinforced the strength of...
Read full storySuspicious Powder Found in Letters
ICELAND - Suspicious letters containing a white substance addressed to local straight men were intercepted in at least six places on Monday, but tests indicated the white stuff in five of them was dried sperm. The letters were reported in Alaska,...
Read full storyU.S. Government to Bailout Big Oil
Crawford / Texas: (December 9, 2008) - President George W. Bush, amid a flurry of end-term pardons for white-collar criminals, has also endorsed a bailout for the Big Oil companies. In light of the recent drop in petroleum prices, the U.S. Departm...
Read full storySatan to Read Paradise Lost on Radio 4
On the 400th anniversary of the birth of one of England's greatest poets, readings and research have the Isle reeling before the blind bard, John Milton. Modern dat Puritans have been trying to reclaim him as one of their own while scholars claim Mil...
Read full storyCongress Sends Car Bomb to Bush
Car bombs have been exploding across the globe for years now as terrorists engage conventional police forces and military opponents. They burst into flames in marketplaces, train stations and even airports and the casualty rates are high and the scen...
Read full storyParis Hilton possible replacement for Mugabe in Zimbabwe
In breaking news, Paris Hilton has put up her hand (God knows where that's been) for the post of President of Zimbabwe. With the imminent demise of Robert Mugabe in the country's acme position, Madame Hilton believes that she is best placed to serve...
Read full storyStandford University to rename mascot Andsons
Standford University's mascot has been known as the Cardinal since the school's inception in 1885. Many, especially on the east coast, mistake the mascot for a bird where it is actually the color-cardinal red. However, the university wants a mascot t...
Read full storyRove Joins Gitmo Terrorists in Guilty Plea on behalf of Bush-Cheney
Terrorist masterminds, Al-Qaida janitors and Afghani horse addicts have all begun to plead guilty in the torture chambers of Gitmo. The clever strategem has thrown the US military tribunals into utter chaos. Leftenant Lefty Tennant expressed frustrat...
Read full storyMary, Joseph and a Child Will Appear in Bethlehem to Help Boost US Economy: Obama
Barack Obama has made some pretty utopian promises to the American people but his latest plan to bail out the economy tops them all. President elect Obama told the nation on Youtube that he has a great big surprise for them this Christmas morning...
Read full storySarah Palin Will Enjoy Christmas Goose
Back in Wasilla, Alaska for the holidays the Palin clan is getting ready to celebrate the birth of their Savior and Lord, Santa Claus. They have set up the family creche with Frosty, Crystal and Rudolf in his manger. The house has so many lights...
Read full storyMormon Vampires to Attend Hogswart
In the meeting of the poorly written best sellers, the fantasy moms who have penned their way to big bucks and fame will collaborate on No Blood, No Sex...Almost All the Way at Hogswarts. The plot weaving mommas couldn't believe how much they had in...
Read full storyOregon Woman Pretty Sure That Writing Is Her Talent After Watching Writing Themed TV Series
Eugene, OR: A hangover and the discovery of a new favorite TV series proved to be the inspiration behind Eugene woman Penny Rodsinski's new found vocation. After watching a rerun of a TV show, based around the life of a barely functioning, sex addicted fiction writer and the sexual scrapes he gets himself into, Rodsinski felt suitably inspired to put pen to paper herself, and fulfill her long-te...
Read full storyBill & Hillary: A Love Limerick
A Limerick About Bill & Hillary A Love Limerick There was a statesman named Bill Whose wife would, down his back, cause such a chill "I'll just tell the Prez it'd be great If he'd make her Secretary of State So I won't have to dump her in a Jersey land-fill."...
Read full storyBig Three Bailout Negotiations Reach $40k or $50k, Break Down
Auto bailout talks inexplicably broke down this Monday after negotiations had only reached $45,200. Although the deal got off to an optimistic start, grumblings quickly started from various parties with no clear explanation. The problems culminat...
Read full storyScientist Believe They Can Predict Future Comedians
Scientists have revealed that surnames are the biggest influence, in a person becoming a comedian. Conducting 2 hours of research on wikipdeia, the Sun newspaper and watching the comedy awards. The believe your surname can pre-determine if you are f...
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