On the 400th anniversary of the birth of one of England's greatest poets, readings and research have the Isle reeling before the blind bard, John Milton. Modern dat Puritans have been trying to reclaim him as one of their own while scholars claim Milton for the forces of free speech and deomcracy, causes quite antithetical to today's Christian conservatives.
The beeb decided to hold auditions in the spirit of Milton's love of democracy. Judges were forced to be blind in honor of the poet's Homeric sightlessness. A steady stream of candidates read passages from the great epic, Paradise Lost. Some recited, others rapped and a few offered reggae versions of the justification of God to man.
The winning contestant possessed a booming basso-profundo and an arcane ability to keep his audience wrapped in frozen attention that felt hot as coals. As he recited: "Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven", three of the seven judges pissed and shat their pants.
When asked for his name, the strange fellow in the black cape bellowed: " Just call me the star of the show. The birthday boy saw it though he was blind. I don't care if you dub me the goat-footed balloon man. In Paradise Lost, the devil is the detail..."