In breaking news, Paris Hilton has put up her hand (God knows where that's been) for the post of President of Zimbabwe. With the imminent demise of Robert Mugabe in the country's acme position, Madame Hilton believes that she is best placed to serve as Zimbabwe's head of state.
"I give great head," she declared, "and I'm really handy to boot." Ms Hilton says she wants to develop her people skills and she feels black Africans will really dig her hands on style, particularly in oral matters.
Her case has been supported by none other than that other infamous head of state, Hugh Hefner. Mr Hefner says she would make great head and doesn't doubt her ability to turn on the general public: "She does that so well, even I can't resist her overall sex appeal!"
Paris will write to members of the Zimbabwe People's Party seeking their support and asking for sexual gratification.
Well, why not?