Government terror plan leaked
Prime minister Gordon Brown is facing calls for his resignation after yet another embarrassing leak showed just how desperate he is to cling to power. According to the documents, Brown was planning an operation codenamed "Operation Asian flu" in w...Read full story
Pakistani ISI-Army dress up jihadi women as "Hindus" to rally to Islamic charity "support"
PUKIS-TAN: The Pakistani Army-ISI-mullah nexus is at it again! While the dumbocrackpot government of Zardari-Gilani obfuscates and twirls in the wind - lying through its teeth; the Army-mullah-militant Dirty Tricks department has come up with anoth...Read full story
Shoes of Mass Destruction Pulverise West
After Saddam's secret weapons of mass destruction finally revealed themselves at a press conference in an attempt to besmirch Bush, floods of footwear carrying long range Scud missiles have started to take out major cities throughout the western worl...Read full story
Scotland Sacked By Scots
Today, after centuries of unhappiness at Scotland's miserable weather and lifestyle, the country was officially sacked by the Scots. In a scene that could easily have come out of 'Fawlty Towers', millions of people turned out into the streets at the...Read full story
Journalist Throws Wellie At Gordon Brown
In Edinburgh today, at yet another simpering performance by Prime Minister Gordon Brown at a press conference, a journalist threw a wellington boot at the hapless Labour leader. Throwing wellies is an ancient Scottish insult, and signifies the fact t...Read full story
Playgirl Magazine to come out with its own vision of a Naked Virgin Mary: Nude Secret Santa!
Chicago, Illinois - Coming out with a late season special issue just in the Saint Nicolas of time to ride on the coattails of the Mexican Playboy's controversial cover of a naked Virgin Mary, only Playgirl's sacrilegious cover will have an attractive...Read full story
Peter Falk's Daughter Takes Him To Court
Aging actor Peter Falk of Colombo fame has been taken to court by his daughter, Catherine, who says he is suffering from Alzheimer's disease and dementia. Catherine told a judge in Los Angeles court Tuesday that her dad is no longer able to run hi...Read full story
Caroline Kennedy Seeks Senate Seat
New Yawk, NY-- Caroline Kennedy, daughter of JFK, demanded the New Yawk Senate seat being vacated by the departing Hillary Clinton. "Give it to me. I want it. Now." said the unlikable offspring on ABC's Good Mourning, America. Caroline spoke w...Read full story
God says he'd love a Cup of Tea
God has said that he' love a nice cup of tea and a slice of cake. The divine being made the off-the-cuff remark while walking his dog in the park yesterday. "Id love a nice cup of tea. Lots of milk. No sugar. And a lovely slice of chocolate cake",...Read full story
Porn Baron Launches New Website
Confirmed by Playdude Enterprises Webmaster, the big man himself has released an entire set of home movies featuring old girlfriends and highlighting their physical dexterity during sex. The videos are to be marketed on a new subscription website un...Read full story
Clint Eastwood Turned Down VP?
Rumors persist in Hollywood that Clint Eastwood turned down an offer by John McCain to run as VP in the recent presidential election. "Too many grown-up punks in congress", Clint allegedly told McCain. "If I shot one of them in the face, it'd be f...Read full story
Paul Ince To Play 'Race Card' Over Blackburn Sacking
Paul Ince, today sacked as manager of Premier League Blackburn Rovers, has said that he hasn't been given a fair crack of the whip, and that he would still be in a job if he was a white man. Ince, who is black, took charge at Ewood Park in August,...Read full story
We'll Sell You Food, Get You Fat In December - In January Buy Our Exercise DVDs!
Consumer watchdogs, Waste-of-timecom , have slammed female celebrities that make a living from, fattening up the guillible in December and then make another living from slimming down the same group of people in January. Catherine Martinique said...Read full story
SATS Test Fiasco Inquiry Board Scratches Head
A Ministry of Education inquiry, headed by Lord Dorkbungler, into the chaos affecting the Sats tests taken by school pupils in England this summer can't make its mind up about what went wrong. Exam' watchdog chief, Dr. Ken Crunt, labelled by the...Read full story
Man Who Touched Katie Price Book Grows Big Tits
A man who touched a book written by Katie Price aka Jordan, found to his disdain, that he started to grow enormous breasts, says a report. Robin Johnson, 48, from Woking, was rummaging around the shelves of a secondhand bookshop in the town, as he...Read full story
UK Special Relationship Taken To New Level
Taking Britain's "special relationship" with the United States to a new level, Gordon Brown will travel to Connecticut in late January 2009 to meet with Barack Obama to see if they should wed under Connecticut's recently passed legislation permittin...Read full story
Widow Twanky Re-Marries The Newly Rich, Guy Ritchie Shocker!
Pantomime Favourite Widow Twanky has remarried Guy Ritchie. Mr Madonna's money, fell in love with Aladdin's mother, when attending a recent pantomime in Plymouth. An onlooker Greg Lake, who was there to see Father Christmas said " I was having a g...Read full story
Shaun Mercer Is A F*cking Cocksucker, Say 'Mates'
Shaun Mercer, the Liverpool teenage gang member of the Croxteth Crew, found guilty of murdering 11-year-old Rhys Jones in the city in 2007, is a f*cking cocksucker, according to fellow gang members. Mercer, ironically of Good Shepherd Close, was c...Read full story
Hitler's Moustache Found
Hitler's moustache has been found in the city of Kiev. It is in the hands of Ukrainian Igor Abigun who inherited it from his grandfather who was serving with the Third Ukrainian Front of the Red Army when they swept into Berlin in 1945. "My grand...Read full story
Greg Lake Believes In Father Christmas So Much - He Brought The Company!
Seventies progressive Rocker, Greg Lake famously wrote he believed in Father Christmas. This was at a time the old misery guts was going through his infamous trial- which centred around complaints against the bearded one, sneaking into kiddies bedroo...Read full story
Snooker match-fixing scandal
The normally staid and tedious world of snooker was shattered into its component parts last night when it was alleged that the world number 768, Jimmy J. "Jimmy" Jameson, deliberately threw his UK Championship match against world number 2, Stevie "Oh...Read full story
Harrods Crunched by the Global Bite!
The latest retailer to report tough trading times is London department store Harrods as they see profits slump as a result of increased legal costs, slow sales and poor window cleaning. This flag ship retailer in the trendy area of Knightsbridge,...Read full story
"Sh*t hits the fan" is reversed for Strictly Come Dancing
In what is seen as a strange twist to the traditional"trouble at t'mill" and "sh*t hits the fan" sayings, Strictly Come Dancing supporter, Sue Incorte, surprised the world when she met programme judge Craig Revel Horwood. Very upset at the forced...Read full story
George Bush To Attack The Somali Pirates
CRAWFORD, Texas - President George Bush spent two days at his 'Lazy Bar B Arrogant Longhorn Ranch' in Texas. And he had quite an inside story to tell the assembled media. Bush told reporters exactly what he plans to do once he leaves office in January. "Guys and gals," he said as he held a Big Red soda in one hand and a salsa-laden chip in the other, "First of all let me say that I hope y'al...Read full story
Blagojevich: Bullshit isn't a crime
Illini Guv Rod B has presented a very effective defense on his own behalf: "I'm fulla shit!! So I blather on and on about this half assed scheme and that dopey deal...Since when is alot of mullarkey a misdemeanor or a truckful of fantasies a felony! Yeah, I wanted to auction off Obama's seat, cuddle up to Michele's derriere and marry Tony Resko's six hot daughters. And then I planned on resc...Read full story
Caroline Kennedy Saw the Ghost of Uncle Booby: 'Remember Me?'
Caroline Kennedy whose pony once pooped all over the White House lawn told reporters that her run for the NY Senatorial seat once held by her Uncle, Robert Kennedy has been inspired by an apparition: "Uncle Booby appeared to me on the parapets of the Hyannis Port Mansion late one December night. The rest of the clan were already indoors heavily involved in Uncle Teddy's favorite hobby. They w...Read full story
Bush White House Exit Strategy
"Nope. Don't have one" President George W. Bush responded when asked about his plan for leaving the White House. As puzzled reporters in the Rose Garden looked on the President continued "...I will not set an arbitrary deadline for withdrawal from the Whtie House". After lamenting John McCain's Presidential Election loss because "...I really wanted a 3rd term" one reporter finally interrupted...Read full story
Teen queen, Brenda Song Admits Dating Joe Jonas
JORENDA FANS rejoce! Teen queen, Brenda Song has finally comfirmed that she dated teen tunk Joe Jonas. After a long period of denying they were ever a couple, Song finally tells the truth. The two Disney darlings both denied dating for several months...Read full story
Blagojevich Arrested Again
After an all-day man-hunt with four helicopters, 1,000 law enforcement officers, and twenty hound dogs, Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested again last night after new charges were brought against him.. According to Illinois Attorney General Bre...Read full story
A full two decades after the invention of the internet, Father Christmas is to set up a web site based on the world wide present ordering service: Amazon. "I got the idea while looking for presents," said Santa. "We'd laid off several million elve...Read full story
Dustbin Remains Unemptied For Third Week
A dustbin in Wrexham remained uncollected for a third week today, in what local Council officers have called "an oversight". Geraint Whitehead, the tenant whose bin it is, told reporters his rubbish had been piling up like "nobody's business" sinc...Read full story
Norovirus Makes Us Sick! - Doctors
The winter vomiting bug, Norovirus, could spread rapidly across England unless people are sensible and stay at home when they have the virus, according to a leading GP. Doctor Gerald Wheeze, an expert on winter vomiting bugs, told a news conferenc...Read full story
Silly season for the Guinness Book of World Records
As news breaks of the World's Largest Potato, dug up in a field in Lebanon weighing in at a mutant 11.3 kilos, and looking as appetising as the Elephant Man's mucus, the Guinness Book of Records gets ready for it's busiest part of the year as record...Read full story
Efficiency drive deemed, inefficient
A department of transport efficiency drive has driven efficiency to an all time low, which some members in parliament are saying is more than likely inefficient. The transport efficiency drive cost taxpayers 81 million pounds when it was supposed...Read full story
English Definitions for the Dyslexic
Warning: American readers may require the services of a translator! Antelope (v): to run off with your mother's sister. Assassination (n): an arrangement to meet a donkey. Baptist (n): a junior hamburger chef. Basket (n): a short nap in the sun. Circumstantial (n): circumcision on a really big baby. Collonade (n): fizzy enema. Defence (n): something to sit on for people who ca...Read full story
(Some of) The Worst Innovations of the 20th Century
French Mime. Wine in a box. Trench Warfare. Scientific Creationism. Ontological proof of the existence of God. Foot binding. Chamberlain's Strategy of Appeasement. Sociology. Spam...Read full story
Obama Masters the Reagan Dupe
Ronald Reagan taught pragmatists how to trick right wing ideologues into supporting a conservative political movement that had no real intentions of enacting the agenda of the extremists. Dubbed the Reagan Dupe, Slick Willie Clinton seemed to learn h...Read full story
Senator from TenaNissanasee is a real Corker
Samurai Senator Bob Corker from the Japanese car colony of TenaNissanasee helped carjack the bailout of the US auto industry to protect the low wages and no benefits of his state's wage slaves. Corker and other southern aristocrats saw their opportun...Read full story
Man Kills "Two Birds with One Stone"
Alice Springs - Ostrich rancher Elliot Mossy has filed a complaint with the local police against his neighbour Morris "The Menace" Miller. Mr. Miller, a retired teacher, has dedicted his retirement to see how many popular expressions he can person...Read full story
'Ghostbusters' link to missing space/time phenomenon at Madoff's Pig-in-Lipstick Building business orifices
Off-the-Wall-St, NY - (OMFG! Mess): Disgraced hedge fun fraudster Bernard Madoff has blamed an erratic space/time warp continuum surrounding his business orifices at the Pig in Lipstick Building in Midtown Manhattan's Turd Avenue for the missing $50...Read full story
Blogojevich to plead No Contest in Guns N' Roses Chinese Kleptocracy leak
Chicago, Illinois - (Ass Mess): Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is to plead No Contest in the leaking the of the "Nein!" Germanic tracks prior to the release of Guns N' Roses' new album Chinese Kleptocracy. LA Prosecutors have accused him of lea...Read full story
Mince Pie Thrown At George Bush
President George Bush almost regretted putting himself in the line of fire for the second time this week, when, at a news conference he was addressing in Baghdad, a mince pie thrown from a group of journalists narrowly missed him. The pie, a succu...Read full story
Jesus is 2008 Toy Miracle Seller - Outsells Barbie!
This year's miracle seller has literally risen from the dead this season and broken all sales records. The Jesus doll, long considered somewhat naff and tacky, has been reincarnated for 2008 Christmas with a new look and a suite of miracle accesso...Read full story