Heaven: In a rare interview with The Spoof, God has revealed that people who follow the Protestant Christian tradition are "so far of the mark it's really not funny anymore".
Speaking by Burning Bush, God revealed that he had decided to set the record straight once and for all as he was increasingly distressed by what he saw to be a misreading of his intentions.
"First off, this whole 'Protestant work ethic' thing? Where did that come from? Listen, I only ever did six days work in my whole life. I had one Monday morning and that was enough for me. By Saturday I was exhausted, so I created marijuana and as you can imagine Sunday was pretty much a wipe out. Or was it Friday? Things got a little hazy around then. Anyway, the point is, there are better things to do with your time than work. I thought I'd made that perfectly clear in The Bible.
"There's also this whole 'family values' thing being spread about by people who are supposedly interpreting the word of Me. Family values? I remember I used to mess around with a little Jewish girl called Mary - this was before I invented condoms - and the next thing you know - bam - she's gone and got gotten pregnant. Talk about awkward."
God revealed that he found one of his followers - Joseph - to take on the girl and her unborn child.
"I pretty much dodged a bullet there. Then 33 years later this guy shows up on Good Friday claiming to be my son. Now that takes a lot of getting used to. Anyway, we talked about it and we decided that it was best that he go back to live with his mother and by Easter Sunday he had packed his bags and left."
God did however say that there were a few areas where he was pleased by his Protestant followers, one in particular.
"Well in fairness to them, they did go after the Catholics pretty hard a few centuries ago, and if there's one thing that pisses me off, it's Catholics."
